Go to Doc today. I need strength.

[lilbit022009]

I have an appt at 2:45 today. I am requesting a full exam again. I want the urine checked, uterus checked and the blood checked.

I just got back from visiting my son "Tiny Face" for lunch. His first request this morning was that I bring him chicken and french fries for lunch. You got it big guy.

I find him waving in the lunchroom for me to come sit with him. He gobbles chicken tenders, big brown eyes blinking intently and with a mouth full of chicken hanging out he mutter "Mom, are you having a baby for me yet?" I try to tell him that I will find out today and he is one of the first to know since he is one of my best friends. He just smiles and tilts his head and says "I know Mom. You're my best girl."

I tell him I am having tests today at the dr's office and once the results come in he will know what's going on. He informs me "Well, Mom you need to go study for your tests so you pass them. And Mom? I want a brother and a sister." Big guy, these aren't the kind of tests you study for. He is so wonderful and honest that it breaks my heart. I want to tell him that if I could just "be pregnant" and give him a brother and a sister I surely would. He has even picked out names. Jake for a brother and Susie or Lyla for a sister.

I haven't had to do these tests in so long and I swear it will take all I have to not cry when she asks me why I am back again after having been in last month. I am so emotional right now and that is very unlike me. 11 years of being a cop and a single mother for 7 of them has made me less forgiving in a lot of aspects and less moody in others. Now, if I see a Folger's Coffee commercial where someone comes home after having been way for a long time....I'm balling my eyes out. I watch any show where I can emotionally connect with a character and I'm reaching for the kleenex.

I have been taking my prenatal meds. So I hope that will reflect in the blood tests.

Please God help to endure the next few hours and be with me while I go through this.

~me