I should not have to fight this hard to have a natural birth.

[Xynyth]

I'm so tired of having to fight. I've had it up to here with having to defend my desire to have a VBAC at every single doctors appointment. I'm so SICK of having to listen to doctors tell me I can't do it or that I'm selfish, or that my baby is going to DIE DIE DIE if I go over my due date.

I'm tired. It shouldn't be this hard. I hate being made to feel like I'm defective because 2 years ago a doctor decided he wanted to go home and I was "failing to progress" after 10 hours in the hospital with a failed induction. There is nothing WRONG with me. I hate being made to feel like I can't do this, like I'm a terrible person for wanting to give birth the way nature intended and not by the hand of some asshole surgeon who has a golf game he has to get to. I don't want to fit in to your damn schedule.

I'm so angry. I'm angry that because of circumstances I don't have very much of a choice when it comes to my doctors or to the hospital I have to go to. I'm angry that I don't think there could be a worse place for me to go to, where my doctors are only residents and I have hardly seen the same one twice my entire pregnancy. I'm angry that my concerns are not and have not been taken seriously. I'm angry that this is the only "VBAC Friendly" hospital around and that they happen to be connected to the best children's hospital in the area. The children's hospital is the only reason I am putting myself through this.

I'm angry that it looks like even after all the fighting, research, debate and discussion with doctor after doctor after doctor that if I don't have this baby by next Wednesday I'm going to be scheduled to be cut open a second time by doctors I don't trust, in a dingy, dilapidated hospital against my will.

I am terrified of another c-section. Anyone who knows how the last one went would agree with me.

There is nothing wrong with me.

I hate that I am having thoughts of running away to another county just to be as far away from these doctors and that hospital that I can. I do not trust them. I have gotten little real support and when weighed against bullying the negative FAR outweighs the positive.

I hate being made to feel like a failure before I have even tried.

It shouldn't be this way.

It's not fair.

[2bPolitician]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:04 PM

well thats what the persoonhoodUSA bills are doing forcing women to have c-sections even if they chose to have  VBAC.

check out this journal. http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1439470/The_government_can_TAKE_custody_of_your_fetus

i know how you feel i didn't want a c-section with my last pregnancy but i was told that my baby wasn't tunring. so my baby wasborn a week and 3 days early. i know with this pregnancy they will most likely push me to have another c-section too.

but if you don't trust the doctor try to find a new one.

there is nothing wrong with you. don't let them get ya down. there are women who are fighting for your right to have a VBAC if you chose.

[Xynyth]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:37 PM

I've watched that video a number of times and every time it hits closer to home.

I hate being a statistic, maybe I should add that to the list lol.

Thanks

(Original Poster)

[Daemons_mommy]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:48 PM

I'm so sorry, that's horrible. I don't have any advice because I haven't had to go through that but I'll say a prayer for you for a nice stress free delivery. *Hugs*

 

[Xynyth]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:50 PM

Unfortunately I can't change doctors (or clinics or whatever you want to call this nonsense) because no one else will take me. I'm in the last weeks of my pregnancy but because my baby has a few problems no one will touch me.

At one point I had met with some wonderful midwives who not only fully supported VBACS but also encouraged water births which is what I wanted more than anything, but because this baby may need immediate care after birth it's like I have the plague or leprosy or something.

It's really depressing, frustrating and stressful, to add all of that on top of doing what is best and safest for my baby.

(Original Poster)

[Xynyth]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:52 PM

Thank you Daemons_mommy :)

(Original Poster)

[Austinka]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:02 PM

I'm sorry it's a never ending battle.  I wish they would just trust your motherly instinct and that you know what you want for your own body and baby.

[isabellalecour]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:56 PM

You can reschedule and reschedule the c-section to infinity. You don't have to go. But whatever you choose...try to lower your stress. I know that's easier said than done. Just keep in mind that stress slows everything down. Have you consider laboring at home until the last minute? You can also go to the hospital and just steadfastly refuse a c-sction.

Hugs, hugs and many more hugs to you. Hang in there!

[trepsica]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:06 PM

keep fighting! i spent 10 hours at a failed induction as well (helena was breech and FINALLY turned at 39 weeks) and i opted to go home. no one questioned it though, and for that i am thankful.

[Xynyth]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:08 PM

Thanks :) I have every intention of staying home until it almost seems like a bad idea to go to the hospital. I'm not worried about the birth, just that she's looked after as soon after birth as possible, just in case.

I want so badly to be able to relax but add all this to the fact that my parents have been with me for the past 2 weeks...I just ...bleh :P

At least hubby is uber supportive :)

(Original Poster)

[SandraRh]

Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:24 PM

what is wrong with the baby? 

well personally yeah some one can call on you to CPS BUT that doesn't mean anything.  Just lie your butt off.  If CPS says someone called because you missed your final appointments then just say.  Oh well yes I did.  Didn't they tell you I had a family emergency?  Oh my poor grandma was sooooo sick what if she'd died I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't been by her side. Lie.  give them something they can't prove and make it seem like you'd already told a nurse/secretary and that you are horrified that they didn't have the courtesy to write it down...how dare they!

Don't feel bad about playing underhanded if that is the hand you are dealt.  YOU and YOUR BABY are what is important!!!!

If they schedule you an appointment.  Call the hospital and doctor's office after you leave and say you just can't make it.  Prepare an excuse but don't give them one unless they just won't leave you be...  I just can't stand this no progress crap.  I've heard of plenty of women that didn't dilate until the very day they went in to labor.

If I were you I would refuse all vaginal exams.  They don't have the right to grope you.  

Stay home and try to relax.  Oh and if your water breaks before you go in to labor remember nothing in the vagina and DO NOT go to the hospital. Wait as long as possible.  If you get a fever then you go to the hospital but otherwise stay away!   

That stupid Personhood law could have hurt me too if it had been passed here.  To give birth at home with a midwife you have to prove your low risk.  so at 37 weeks I went to the health department.  It was a very hectic morning starting at 4 a.m.  DH went out of town.  I had to take the girls (ages 4 and 3) with me.  My appointment was at 8.  We waited and waited and waited.  By the time they saw me I was swollen tired and stressed.  I was there for 5 hours.  I'd already been up for 9 hours.  my blood pressure was HIGH!  BUT it was from stress.  The Nurse practitioner (who'd already admitted that she didn't like homebirth) was "concerned".  She pressed me to go to the hospital for an induction or c-section.  I went home though.  She called me at home and pulled the dead baby card and how I could go in to shock from my blood pressure.  but I knew it was just stress. I didn't have high protein levels or pitting edema.  You HAVE to have all three. Anyway I went and bought my own BP monitor. That way I'd have proof.  Sure enough my BP went down. I went on to have my baby at home. I caught her myself.  It was the most awesome feeling in the world.  But you know she could have reported me had I been in one of the states with the personhood law. They would have taken me and violated my rights for something that just wasn't true. I could have then been arrested for putting my baby at risk when she was never at risk to begin with! it makes me angry just thinking about it.