Babies are NOT unexpected!!!

[LaVonne1958]

“It was unexpected”.

How many times have I heard that statement??? I stopped counting back when I was a teenager or young adult. There is only one way a baby is formed and if YOU participate in that act, in any form then the likelihood of a child being conceived is quite possible. So how can the baby be unexpected? Don’t tell me, I used contraception/birth control or some form of protection. YOU know as well as I do, ANYTHING man creates is NOT 100% perfect! Even when YOU try to fool YOURSELF into believing that YOUR having “safe sex”, subconsciously YOU know there is a possibility that a child could be the result of that action. The ONLY way a child will not be conceived is NOT to participate in the act in the first place. NO act, NO baby.

YOU know, YOU have full control of choice, and yes, YOU have every right to participate in the act. Nevertheless, YOU have full control of YOU! YOU choose whether or not YOU allow YOURSELF to be taken away with YOUR own thoughts, feelings, emotions and hormones. YOU have full control in saying yes or no and making YOUR own body behave likewise. YOU also choose how YOU dress. YOU choose where YOU go. YOU choose how YOU act. YOU choose who YOU allow into YOUR life and YOU choose how far YOU will allow these people to behave with YOU. And with that power of choice, YOU are choosing to except the responsibility of YOUR actions, whether YOU realize it or not. With that knowledge, how can anyone say a baby is unexpected?

NOW STOP saying indirectly, that the fault of this child being born lays with the innocent baby when YOU say the child is unexpected. Yes, when that is said, YOU are indirectly blaming the baby and NOT taking responsibility for YOURSELF. YOU know exactly how babies are made. So Man-Up and Women-Up (as the saying goes) and take responsibility for YOUR own actions and admit YOU engaged in the act that cause the forming of this innocent child by saying something like, “I participated in the act that caused a baby to be formed and it is expected to be born on fill in the date .”

Babies are NOT suppose to be born with a job, the job of carrying the burden of blame from YOUR action. Think about it, when individuals says something like, ‘Your Mommies little surprise’, what do YOU think YOU are saying indirectly? YOU are saying in so many words that the child was not exactly planned for at that time or the child was unwanted at that moment. When that child grows up and puts two and two together, they figure out what was said indirectly and the scare if formed without YOUR knowledge. YOU participated in the action, NOT the baby. Babies are born to add value to this world. The unseen possibilities a child is capable of, starts with YOU. YOU write the first chapters of a baby’s life, and how YOU think of that child from the moment of it’s conception will be acted out on when it is born.

The most damaging abuse lobbed at anyone, is verbal abuse and it can be as subtle and just as dangerous and just as deadly as a well trained Ninja. Verbal abuse sticks into the minds of those it is targeted for and depending on how strong willed the individual is, depends on how much damage is caused. How strong willed is a baby or child? YOU have far more power then YOU are aware of. Be careful of what YOU say and think in regards to the children of this world. YOU never know what will stick with that child. These innocent children are our future, and our future is in YOUR hands.

Peace and Blessings to YOU and Yours

LaVonne

Tags: baby, babies, life, love, innocent, child, children you, blame, blessing, peace, empower

Add A Comment

[LuminousMom]

Apr. 9, 2009 at 3:14 AM

... the words "It was unexpected" do not necessarily mean someone is blaming the child in any way. Nor does it mean someone is saying its a BAD thing. Being a "surprise" doesn't mean the person is saying it was a BAD surprise. Ever had a surprise party? They can be GOOD things too.

My children were unexpected because I was told by numerous doctors I couldnt HAVE children. YES. They were unexpected. Unexpected is really the only way to put it. They were 100% WANTED.. but not planned, because how can you plan something when you've been told it wont happen?

ASSuming that all people who have an unexpected pregnancy are implying that their child is in some way responsible and they dont want that baby at that time is incredibly sad. Im very sorry for you that you have such a pessemistic view of the world.

[mkagdchcetdy]

Apr. 9, 2009 at 5:05 AM

Life is about choices.

[autiemommy2]

Apr. 9, 2009 at 7:44 AM

I agree with Luminousmom. My DH was told he had low sperm count and would more than likely never have a child. I was told (thanks to cancer) that I would never conceive a child. So yes, it was unexpected when we got pregnant with our 1st child! We didn't think we could. We miscarried.

So when we got pregnant a year later, it was also unexpected! When we delivered a beautiful baby boy, we thought we were so lucky and blessed to have had him. When we got pregnant again, it was unexpected b/c we didn't think we would be able to have another child. And yet, we have another beautiful boy.

You can imagine how unexpected our next child was since I was on birth control and we rarely had sex. Just b/c all of them were unexpected doesn't mean unwanted or unloved!!! You cannot lump everyone in together when we say "it was unexpected"... we aren't shifting blame. We aren't saying that we didn't know sex leads to babies or that birth control is 100% effective. We weren't planning, trying, or even think that conception was a possibility!

And it was unexpected when a friend of my parents got pregnant - considering she had her tubes tied and he had a vasectomy. So yes, it can be unexpected, but not bad, blaming, or any other negative conotation you want to put on it. I'm sure you are talking to a certain person or group of peole, but add the disclaimer they not all women are shifting blame to a child... and I think that is a stretch.

[TINKFAIRYGIRL]

Apr. 9, 2009 at 11:45 AM

Mine were unexpected, but so loved.  Blessings can be unexpected.  Surprises can be wonderful (ever get flowers for no reason?).  I love my little unexpected gifts from God.  There are 3 of them, and they are 8 and 6. 

Many blessings to you as well!! I always love your posts!!

 

[LaVonne1958]

Apr. 12, 2009 at 8:52 PM

Thank you for YOUR reply to my journal “Babies are NOT unexpected!!!”. I so appreciate YOUR input. I do see YOUR view on this matter and YOUR viewpoint is very important. I truly hope in my reply to touch on all points that where raised.

I was one of many who was told I couldn’t have children, according to very knowledgeable doctors of the time. The final doctor I sought out said, “YOU have zero chance at having children”. His matter-of-fact attitude hurt far more then the words he used. In time, I was able to release that pain and enjoy life as it came. Now true, this was over 29 years ago. The knowledge back then was far more limited then it is now. Thankfully, man’s knowledge and wisdoms is ever growing.

The way I see it, we were/are taught throughout our life about sex and how children are born and there is only one way (so far) the birth of a child is possible. We learn this through schools and hopefully our parents, as long as they are not to self-conscious about the subject. We are also taught that MAN is imperfect. OUR knowledge of the world and it’s functions whether mechanical or biological has a limited trustworthiness. We are also taught to have unshakable trust in OUR Higher Power, through which EVERYTHING is possible, depending on OUR level of faith. And if YOU do not have that concept of a Higher Power, it doesn’t matter either because YOU are apart of the Universe and are apart of it’s make up, therefore YOU will have the same affects happen to YOU. Just like YOU being a car engine but not having the belief in gasoline that helps powers the car YOU are apart of.

If we put our full faith in imperfect man when it comes to the conceiving of children, then I can see in that view how it can be a surprise. I can also see when our bodies fail us in conceiving or carrying a child and we give into our fears of never having the ability of ever becoming pregnant, this too I can see where it can be a surprise. BUT if YOU already have knowledge of how a child is conceived, then how can it be an honest surprise? YOU already know how children are created. As far as I see it, even if the most knowledgeable doctor on the planet (who is imperfect) says, ‘YOU have ZERO possibility of conserving any children’, (keeping in mind this individual is imperfect) then in assents we have at least one maybe two “bullets” in the “chamber” and we are playing a kind of Russian Roulette. Each time we have “BIG FUN” we are spinning “the cylinder of life” and there is a possibility of conception. Even with the words, “low sperm count” or “more then likely never have children” there is the same thing, a possibility. Wherever there is possibility, there is ALWAYS hope of a thing happening.

In my view, as long as there is knowledge of the way a child is conceived, it can‘t be unexpected. There is a realization of not being prepared for the coming of the child/children or there can also be repeated disappointments in not conceiving and then conceiving. Now in the case of flowers or the like, when someone sends you flowers, YOU already have the hope of having that being done to YOU. What you are most likely feeling at the moment of receiving the flowers, is the joy of someone thinking that much of YOU to have done it to YOU. The same thing for parties, gifts and so on and so forth. At some point in YOUR life YOU saw that being done to someone else and YOU decided that was something YOU would like to have happen to YOU. YOU decided this act would make YOU feel a certain way. YOU already have knowledge of flowers and so on being given and YOU have the hope of having the same thing being done to YOU. Once seeing the act, YOU are now in position, in hope to have the same thing happen to YOU.

Now, in my case, happily we were able to conceive a son, who is now serving in the United States Air Force. Was he unexpected? No, I always wanted, hoped to have at least one child, carry it to term, give birth to it, be a primary individual in it’s upbringing and love it like any loving mother would her child. I didn’t care if it was a girl or boy. I have to admit, I wasn’t exactly in the process of being prepared for his arrival. I had a few things but not everything I wanted. But when I realized that I was indeed pregnant, I was grateful that when “the cylinder of life” was spun, there was a “BIG BANG” and a child was on it‘s way. I had always wanted to have a child. I always knew how a baby is formed and I participated in the act if forming our son. He was not unexpected and if I were able to have had more children, they too would not have been unexpected as long as I participated in the act which would caused their creation. No matter what a “learned” individual says or the fears I may give into.

When we go to a Thesaurus and look up the word, unexpected, we see words like, unforeseen, unanticipated, unpredicted, startling, astonishing, sudden, out of the blue. If something is truly unexpected it can only happen if there isn’t any prier knowledge of any kind. The door bell rings, YOU answer the door only to find a baby in a basket on YOUR front porch. Now THAT is UNEXPECTED. In one vain, I guess YOU can say pregnancy is unexpected but in another, it isn’t. It’s all in how we look at it.

Whether or not a child/children are wanted, only YOU can say. But some things said in love can be misconstrued by our children. Their minds are always working and unless we as parents are not communicating with them, honestly communicating, we will never basically know what they are thinking in regards to anything, even when it comes to our relationship with them. Our communication with our children is vital and we as parents must spearhead that communication, even sometimes when it is not wanted. We must think about what we say to our children before saying it, mainly because their thinking possesses are not like an adults thought possess.

YOUR conclusion of my view of the world stems from YOUR thought processes. Pessimistic? Being a very negative person, somebody who always expects the worst to happen? That is a mindset I do not cultivate and refuse to adopt, so there isn‘t any sympathy needed in this area. I see the world and our Universe as an endless possibility for happiness. As I said before, it’s all in how we look at things. The way we look at things is a reflection of our own Spirit.

My fervent hope in writing this is to EMPOWER people, mostly Women. In reading YOUR replies, I was happily exposed to Powerful and Great Women, because of that I am truly grateful and I hope to see YOUR replies in upcoming writings. I must say again, Thank YOU for YOUR input and the insight of YOUR Spirits.

Peace and Blessings to You and Yours

LaVonne

(Original Poster)