I NEED to go to church... (vent... kind of...)

[Kenre]

So, my mom calls me to check on my DS's condition and to see how SS's visitation went. I start to tell her everything going on (she only calls once a month, so I have to inform her of the entire months goings and comings.) The fact that we're so poor, we're asking MIL for dish soap, and she's been paying for our gas. Our van had been out of commission for a week due to a popped tire, and we had to wait for Grandma (DH's grandma) to pay the bill to get it released from the shop for us. We have been eating at MIL's house (to the point where I'm thinking I am going insane).

So, she says, "You know... maybe you should go to church. If you find God you'll find happiness and be better off." Now, my mother raised me Pagan, I have to say that first. It wasn't until about when I was 19 she started reading the Bible, believing in God (the Christian one), and asking Jesus for saving and so on (at first to humor my very Christian siblings and father). My father is a Deacon for the Catholic Church. He took us to church growing up, every once in a while, and literally at one point in my childhood tried to beat Satan from our bodies (literally every thing we did was a "sin" and he beat us with his fists and belts.)

When I joined the Navy, I found Pagans again. I leaped into their arms and cried for joy for finding my brother's and sisters. I was almost 20 years old at the time. I was so knowledgeable, and able to read and research Paganism in today's modern age so fast, that I was made the High Priestess of the ship I lived and worked on.

My cousin and her children are the last of our Family Tradition along with me and my children. Everyone has been converted to some form of Christianity, Islam, or Judaism. She works in a Lutheran Daycare, but comes home everyday to do the daily rituals with her girls.

My DH is some form of Paganism, or at least against Organized Religion. He does the Daily Rituals with us sometimes, but most of the time he just likes living without any religion what-so-ever.

Onward with the phone conversation: My mother preached to me for about 20 minutes about how finding Jesus could help me. I asked her how could finding anyone get me some money right now? She of course answered that "God answers prayers the way he sees fit. You could win the lottery or something." I didn't mention that it would probably help to even have a dollar to PLAY the lottery. I told her that the Goddess and Gods have helped me in the past, and I'm just learning something right now. I'll get help with life when it comes time to get it. I am not going to rush into a church (anyone one would work right now for them to make me Christian like everyone else has become) and pray to something I don't believe in, and hope that I walk out with 300 dollars in my pocket. It's just not going to happen. She begged me to try it. So, I guess next Sunday I'm putting on my best dress, taking off my pentacles (or hiding them inside the dress if I can), and dressing DS in the best outfit I can (if DH will let me bring him with me) and walking across the street to the Catholic Church for Service.

She told me to be open minded and try. What could it hurt? Well, she's right. I'm tolerant... I'm open minded... I'll try it... It's not like I don't know the ways of the Catholic Church... I'm just wondering what good being a Christian is compared to being a faithful to any other religion? Maybe after the Catholic Church thing, I'll try an Islam service... or Jewish one... couldn't hurt to find the "right" God... right?

I am happy, though, being a Pagan... I just wish there were more Pagans around me... I hate being alone...