I'm Getting Divorced. new part added, thurs, 4/16, fri 4/17 in the a.m.

jillm8991's Journal

I'm Getting Divorced. new part added, thurs, 4/16, fri 4/17 in the a.m.
Apr 15, 2009 at 7:25 AM
By
- jillm8991
Message Friend Invite
Comments (4) Total Views (75) Everyone can see this journal post.

This is really more for me than for anyone else, but if you read it, then at least comment so that I know that you did.

I'll start with the beginning of the end of our relationship because that's what I'm thinking about right now.

On March 4, 2007 in the evening, my husband (I'm gonna call him that for now) came into the bedroom and told me that he thought our marriage was at a standstill and we should go for marriage counseling. I thought ok, but I really didn't see that our marriage was at a standstill. I thought we had some issues, but nothing drastic, nothing that any other long-time married couple didn't have. (We had been married for 21 yrs.) The next morning, I went onto his computer with really nothing in my head, just to see what was there. Well, in "My recent documents" I found a file labeled "Dear Ruth" Still, nothing hit me, but I opened it.... It was a letter. It was the most horrible letter I had ever read. It was all about his affair with "Ruth" with details. Details of things they did together, of what they talked about, of where and how they had sex, details about how she should leave her husband, and how he was going to "Deal" with his spouse. I just couldn't believe it. I of course, started to cry and then threw up. After I cried for a while, I thought to myself that it's time to call him and "end my marriage" So I called and he was on a train on his way to work. I said to come home there was something important I needed to discuss with him. He said, "what's up, I'm on my way to work" (like I was annoying him) I took a deep breath and told him that I knew what he was up to, I found the letter. He paused and then said he would be right home.

At this point I didn't know what to do. I paced the house, I printed the letter, I got dressed, I cried and cried, When he got home, we talked for hours. I told him to get out, I told him to die, I told him I wanted to die, I called him every name in the book, I ripped up pictures of us together, I tried to have him explain why he did it. I asked questions about her. I cried, I cried and still, at the end of the day, I decided to try to forgive, we would go for therapy and try to work through this.

I'll post more later, I have to get ready for work. Anyone who reads this and has questions, it really helps me to talk about this, so feel free.

Wed, 4/15 at 6:30 p.m.

We went for therapy the next night. He didn't seem very remorseful to me, but he did say it was over with her and that he wanted to work on the marriage. We started to talk about our "communication" issues, how I felt about his family, how he felt about mine, how he was very angry with me that I chose to be a sty-at-home mom instead of gettin a job. Now, I did have a job, I worked in a preschool being an assistant teacher part-time. This wasn't good enough because I wasn't making the "big bucks"

We went for therapy for about a month, once a week and things started to improve. Then one day, I wrote him a romantic card and was going to put it into his briefcase for him to find when he got to work. Instead I found a CD that he made for that bitch and a receipt for a picture that he was having made up for her. When he got home, he saw that something was terribly wrong from the look on my face. After asking me what was the matter, I went straight to his bag and pulled out the stuff. He told me he had lunch w/ her once, hadn't slept w/ her since Jan, and that he wasn't ready to "close that chapter of his life" When we went for therapy the next time, he told all this to the therapist and the therapist told us that he didn't want to see us anymore because we weren't a couple, he was not working on the marriage.

Still I wasn't ready to give up. I forgave him again and he told me that although sometimes he thought about her, she was staying w/ her husband and he wanted to stay with me.

Things improved over this time period and I asked him if he wanted to go on a romantic getaway to Jamaica in the fall. He agreed to go. We had a very nice summer together and I really felt in my heart that we were over the hump and our marriage was back on track.

So went went away in Sept to Jamaica to "Couples" for five days. I thought we had a nice time together, but I guess I was wrong. When we got back, he was very cold and distant. Finally, in Oct, I asked him what was wrong, I asked him if he wanted to be married to me anymore. I'll never forget this..... we were both in the bathroom, he was brushing his teeth, he didn't answer at first, very long pause and then he turned to me and said, " I don't know." I NEVER expected this answer, and I kind of blew it off.

We went for therapy one last time and when the therapist asked what was going on he told me and him that he wanted a separation. I felt like someone punched me really hard in the stomach. I couldn't breath, I felt like I was falling, spinning out of control, I couldn't look at him or the therapist, I couldn't believe it.

This is a continuation of what I wrote yesterday.

The therapist basically kicked us out and so started our separation. He moved his belongings into my daughter's room, who was away at school and began to live our separate lives. But it didn't feel like it. We still ate dinner together, still watched TV together, and occcasionally slept together. The only thing different was that we didn't go out on the weekends and we didn't sleep in the same room. Financially he was (and still is) paying all the bills.

I have a better job now, not much better, but at least full time and can at least give my kids pocket money and buy some household items.

Things remained like this until Christmas when my daughter came home from school. He then had a choice to either move out or move back into the bedroom with me. He moved back in with me and everything was normal until my daughter went back to school at the end of Jan. She wasn't out of the house for ten minutes when he started to move his stuff back into her room.

Fri, 4/17 A.M.

This morning I am very depressed. My stbx just left the house to go play golf, I of course, have to go to work. I decided to go through the garbage in his office and see what he is up to.. Since he barely speaks to me now, this is what I do to try and feel some kind of connection to him. I know, it's sick, but this is what depressed crazy people do. Well, I found his shopping list for all the things he will be needing in his new apt. He must have spent around $5,000 already. It makes me feel soooooo sad. This is really happeneing! He will be leaving in 2 weeks. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna HATE living alone. I have 2 kids, but they are older and they have their own lives..... and besides, it's not the same as having the man that you loved (and believe it or not, still love) living right beside you. I have no one to talk to. I have friends, but they are so sick of listening to me complain about this and keep telling me things will get better. You will meet someone who will treat you nicer. But how can you meet someone when you still have the schmuck on your mind 24/7? I can't stand feeling this way. I feel like I can't breath and no one cares, especially the one I want to care the most. He is only worried about his next good time and his exciting new life (as he puts it)

Someone tell me about the first couple of days of your new life of being alone. How did you cope? I find myself pacing the house, staring at my phone, flipping through channels on the TV and surfing the internet for I don't know what. I'm so sad.

Add A Comment