What in the heck was I thinking?????

[v_clar]

I spent several hours today looking for information. I made phone calls. I sat on the Internet and searched for answers. I took notes and I actually filled out an application. And yet I am still petrified that I can't do this.

What is this, you ask? "This" is college, "this" is following my heart and the path that I believe God has for me. I have prayed about this for a long time. I have and continue to jump through hoops so that the county will approve my plan.

I can get the certificate program done in 3 semesters. The Associates in another 2. All in all that is two and a half years. Then in order to be able to make better money, I have to get a bachelors degree. That I'd have to do part time so only God knows how long that will take and then it's on to a masters degree.

For some all of this might not sound all that daunting. And it wouldn't to me either - if I wasn't going to be 45 on my next birthday. I am so scared that I won't be able to keep up. I'm scared I won't make the grades. I'm scared that I'll get laughed at cause I'm old enough to be most of the students mother!!

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I HATE to stand out. And with my age, standing out is a given. Will more be expected of me? Will I fail and let my family down? Will I fail and let down God? Will I still be able to take care of my family? Will hubs be able to help me out?

My daughter was sad because I won't be around a lot if I get into school. Am I being fair to her?

I'm petrified - and yet I will move forward knowing that I don't walk alone.

[shell81]

Apr. 16, 2009 at 10:25 PM

You can!

You CAN do this. I am 28 and about to start back to school. HUGS I feel the EXACT same way as you said above.