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I've a gaping hole in my chest.....
- Apr 17, 2009 at 9:35 AM
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- Comments (10) Total Views (127) Everyone can see this journal post.
Well, first of all, you should probably know that DH has a very strong and very deep rooted jealous streak. Which makes life more complicated for me, because most of my friends are guys.
I went out last night for dinner and a movie with my sister and my cousin. We got down there about 4:30. Bought tickets for the 9:05 showing of Watchmen because we wanted to eat first and the only two showings were 5:30 and 9:05. Wandered from Baywalk down to the Pier. Spent an hour walking around the pathetic little aquarium on the 2nd floor of the Pier, talking about FFVII. Went back to Baywalk, had an awesome sushi dinner at the sushi place there ( I can't remember the name of it for the life of me). Wandered around and talked some more. Caught Watchmen at 9:05 (Awesome movie BTW). It's an almost 3 hour movie, not counting the 20 minutes of previews in the beginning, so we didn't get out til midnight. My cousin dropped me off first, probably around 12:30. I didn't even get in the door before DH was in the truck and gone.
I laid down because I was so upset that I couldn't breathe. Got Lilith to go back to sleep, because she was crying when I came in.
Apparently he assumed I was going to go straight to my computer, because he had left his wedding band on my keyboard. When it was still there when he got back an hour later, he brought it in to me and handed it to me. It was like someone punched a hole straight through my chest.
For the next hour, I really contemplated leaving. I was gonna get the kids, pack them into the truck and take off to my moms. The only thing that stayed my hand is that I don't want to run away from my entire life. That, and the fact that the truck isn't in my name, and I wouldn't put it past DH to report the thing as stolen as soon as I drove off and have me arrested for it.
I finally got him to talk to me. He think's I'm the most horrible person in the world. And in some cases he's right. I know that I'm very selfish and self centered. It's a flaw of mine that I've been trying very hard to change.
So now neither one of us are wearing our wedding rings, I've got them both on a chain around my neck. I'm hopeful that maybe we can fix this, but I don't know anymore. Its gotten to the point where I almost hate him as much as I love him sometimes.
Comments:
Gonna look for it when I go to walmart today.
Hi..This is so sad. But there is hope. Gosh we went through this kind of thing and many other couples go through this too. One thing many people forget is that when they get married, we are accepting and loving unconditionally the good traits of the other person as well as unfortunately their bad traits...When I get mad at my hubby now...before I say something that is really hurtful I remember that I too have some really bad traits and find ways to work it out. We may stew for a day or so..but I usually go back to why I married him in the first place. Then we talk about what it is we need..sometimes its yelling or I have to read between the lines and figure out what he needs..but I must act on it and do my part for him and vs versa....and then our connection gets stronger everytime. We dont have problems anymore..but we did get the book The Love Dare..its teaching me so much about myself and in turn I am a better wife. I used to think it was all him...sorry so long. I hope you guys can work it out.
I want to say so many things to you. I know I don't know the whole story but from everything I have read/heard from you, you deserve so much more and so much better. You, YOU bust your ass day in and day out at a thankless, hostile job to support your whole family, to give him everything he wants.
You are smart, you are strong and I have seen your determination when it comes to your family. You deserve better. You are the backbone and the strength of your family, your children. You are actually making moves to better yourself.
I know it's none of my business and I'm just going to shut up now but I really really hope the best for you whatever that may be.
If you need anything or just want to tell me to shut my mouth, just let me know.
Everything Xynyth said is what I wanted to say to you as well. From thed looks of things, you bust your ass plus come home and be mommy. Your job is 24/7, even when you're not at work, you're still working. I don't think that wanting to take a night and go do soomething not mommy or work related makes you selfish or self centered. It's something I know I need every once in a while so I don't lose myself and go crazy. I hope you 2 work it out. I know what it's like to go through those bumps, and there are days I question weather or not my marriage is strong enough. If you want a sympathetci ear to bitch in, don't hesitate to drop me a line.
omg im so srry if you need to tlk call me
I definitely agree with Barbie. Sounds like you two really need to work on your communication, and hubby needs to work on his jealousy issues. Counselling seems like the best route from what little I know.
Good luck.
Ok, everything is a little better now, at the very least we've made a start, I got him to take his ring back.
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2 words for BOTH of you. LOVE DARE absolutely the best marriage book out there get it and put it into practice ASAP..
- singedwingangel
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