Demonstration of Character

[Goddess_Mother]

Or a lack thereof.  That is what divorce reminds me of.  You really find out what a person's heart is like and what they are really made of.  You find out that a person is actually very narcissistic and while you should be thankful you are no longer in a relationship with that person, you wonder how you ever could have been.  I know.  I did it for a very long time.  It is very disheartening and hurtful when someone spends months, in some cases years, emotionally hurting you and pushing you away, but when you finally figure out you can't live like that and move on - you are the asshole.  Uhm, no, YOU are the asshole, asshole.  They can't see that had they been present in the relationship, emotionally available, financially responsible, or whatever, all those months or years, you wouldn't have felt the NEED to find it elsewhere.  It is called human survival.  We need positive, loving interpersonal relationships or we don't thrive, we aren't happy, we deteriorate emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.  It is hard to watch a person you once loved and may even still care about (god help you) demonstrate so much anger and spite and self-absorption and be so blatantly irresponsible.  Yes, we have hurt each other, but it usually isn't intentional and we are usually sorry.  They are called mistakes for a reason.  And we each need to take responsibility for our part of the failure of the relationship.  A relationship is about TWO people and it is NEVER EVER the complete and utter FAULT of ONE person or the other.  One may be more to blame than the other, but does that really matter?  It's over, the next logical, reasonable step is to try to heal the hurts and move forward in life.  The persistent attempts to hurt or damage the other person is a perfect example of the weaker person's inability to move past the hurt and blame and just shows those around the couple the utter lack of character that particular person possesses.  It is very sad, because the potential for growth and maturity is there.  Some people just can't grasp that...  In fact, recent research (Journal of Youth and Adolescence) shows that emotional negativity (neuroticism) is fairly consistent across age.  Researchers found that negative emotional traits in males in adolescence strongly predicted less-than-optimal mental health status in both early adulthood and middle age.  So, ladies, if you think you might be attached to one of these guys and you think he is going to improve - think again.  I was married to a guy like this for 15 years and we divorced about 7 years ago and he STILL hasn't changed. 

[theatregirl26]

Apr. 17, 2009 at 11:57 AM

You have a lot going lately.  We need to chat!