Up date on Mimi

[dragonflylane]

Power of CaféMom,

Today I got a message from a CafeMom that has answered my post about Mimi being taken from our home and sent back to her bio mom with prayers, support and the purest type of love….the kind you give a stranger over the internet. She just wanted to know what was happening and how we were. I started to write and then I reread what I wrote. It was so shallow compared to what this mom and other moms have done for me!

Some people do not believe in prayer or love or the ability to care about a stranger just because of what they wrote on their blog or post. I am not one of those people. I have seen the power of CafeMom. I have felt the love and support that just a short message can do for someone.

Mimi had been in our foster care for 17 months of her 19 months of life. We got her at 2 months old and fell completely in love with her. She is the half sibling to the three little ones we adopted. They have the same father but different moms. All of the biological parents have mental problems. The children were going down that road when we got them but with lots of love and work they are now following a different road. The two oldest are in the highest reading group in their grade and the younger ones are showing signs they are going to be just as smart and capable.

We had let our kids know Mimi was their sister (a mistake with hind sight.) We were told by every one that she would be terminated from her parents and we could adopt her. Now anyone that hasn’t crossed that line from see a child as a foster child to an adopted child. I don’t know if I can truly explain it. We love and care for every foster child that comes into our home. We treat them as family and they do and go every where we go. We take them on family vacations ( we have found a lot of foster families don’t do this.) We buy something for our kids then the foster children get something too. However, that moment you decide that you are going to adopt something happens. I guess before you know that they will leave at some time. You love and care for them but you protect your heart because you know what pain you are going to go through is bad enough when you do protect your heart. When you decide ,and I say decide because there is a lot of thought that goes into this for us, things change. We want to make sure we are doing this more for them then for us. They become your child as if you gave birth to them. You would fly into a street to protect them from an on coming truck with out a thought to your life. You would give your right arm before you would let anyone take them from you. Adoption may be come final legally with the judges signature but for us it that moment we decide this child is one of us.

I hope I explained this a little and I apologize to anyone that has been through this because you know I didn’t come close to what you and we have gone through.

Anyway, on Jan. 18^th Mimi was returned to her bio mom. Even though two psychologist said she could never parent, the judge decided to give her another chance with a mentor that testified that she would supervise and help her. The bio mom was living with this lady, her husband and son at the time and she believed she could mentor, teach the bio mom so she would be able to take care of Mimi. The judge didn’t listen to DHS, the psychologist, other professional programs that tried to reach this her and gave this lady a chance.

My case worker kept saying we would get Mimi back but she thought it would be around 2 years. After 2 months we got her back. The lady threw the bio mom out and is willing to testify against her. I have talked to the lady a lot since we got Mimi back and she feels so bad. She really thought she could reach the bio mom. She said it took so long because she was afraid what would happen when she put this woman out of her home. She was scared of her. (little incite to what the bio mom is like)

We were so delighted to get Mimi back and we still don’t believe it! She wakes up happy and has this sing song voice that says “Mommmmmy! Mommmmmy!” It is one of the most wonderful ways to wake in the morning. I just cant explain how wonderful it is to pick her up and hug her whenever we want. While typing this I have happily been interrupted with hugs, little pink shoes that needed to be put on, request to write on paper, and just wanting to be held. She asks for this a lot since she came home and I never complain!

She has changed in those two months. She says “shut up” a lot. We don’t say this in our home. We say hush or be quite but never shut up. The lady told me that the bio mom said this a lot to her. Mimi throws tantrums now and we are working on this. Before she left she tried a couple of tantrums because she had seen another child do them. They were so funny, animated, can couscous (when she threw her self down she carefully laid down and then started.) It was soooo funny and every one would laugh and she would get up with her hand on her hip and then start laughing too. Now they are strong, mad and not thought about hurting as she throws herself down on the floor! She also screams a lot! If there is something she wants she screams a shrill…no words…no signs. If you tell her no it is the same thing. This has gotten a lot better as we remind her to use her words or signs (I teach kids American Sign Language for some things they are too young to say.) She has begin to use them again and is talking a lot. The screams still come out and the tantrums but I know with love she will change again.

The mom and dad get visits once a week and are still taking parenting classes but DHS went to court last Monday and said if mediation doesn’t work then they will set a court date to terminate rights!

We are worried about mediation because this did not work out with the other kids bios. We cant tell you what happen because mediation is complete confidential. We are worried the same problems will arise because we are dealing with the same mental problems. But we hope and with hope anything can happen.

If mediation doesn’t work then we go to court to terminate. This time we will have all of the same people as last time but also this lady and her husband and the bio’s uncle. We would love to say we are confident but that line I will never cross again. Like I said we are afraid to breath, to except, to believe it is over. There will be plenty of time to breath after the judge signs that paper. Until then, we have no rights and things can still change.

I want to thank everyone of you that read my blog and post and cared about our family. I can not thank you enough for the messages you sent me. I tried to answer all of them but if one or two slipped pass me I am sorry because ALL of them meant a lot to me and always seamed to come at just the right time when I needed them. Your prayers have changed two years into two months! I believe that as much as I believe that your love has reached through wire, plastic and cyber space to our family and made a difference. Please keep the prayers going. You may not believe a short prayer could do so much but it has and will continue to do so! I will never be able to thank any of you properly with words or tell you how much you mean to me and my family. Remember it wasn’t only Mimi and me you helped but also my other children and husband. This about killed all of us and now we have hope again. I can thank God for each and every one of you and ask him to bless you and send you my appreciation and love.

I promise to keep my blog up to date too! Thanks Janet for the reminder.