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My Vagina is NOT Open Season Just Because I'm Pregnant
- Apr 18, 2009 at 1:06 PM
- By
- Comments (18) Total Views (1038) Everyone can see this journal post.
Poll
Question: Did you experience feelings of a rape or violation during your labor and birth? Is the term accurate?
Total Votes: 70
So this was posted in a group so I decided to add a poll:
http://www.truebirth.com/2008/02/more-than-a-traumatic-birth/
Sometimes women are held down while pleading to be let go; having vaginal exams forced on them; and their waters broken without giving consent. Some women call this Birth Rape, because it can be such a violent act that centers on their genitals, without their permission. The term is shocking, and upon hearing the stories of these women who have been assaulted, it is accurate.
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Frankly, I was apalled at many of the responses. To put down and belittle a womans experiences of violation and call her silly or to tell people they have no dignity during labor and should be happy with a healthy baby no matter what is horrifying. The idea that a pregnancy somehow is a signing over of all rights to privacy, dignity, and body integrity is nauseating. The very idea of telling a woman who FEELS raped that she was going too far in describing it that way and was just upset because things didn't go as planned turns my stomache.
The fact that women experience coersion, verbal abuse, and violation at the hands of people in authority is NOT new. The problem is that whenever a woman starts to protest and express in strong words that abuse is taking place she is labeled as delusional, ungrateful, she's over-reacting or imagining the whole thing.
No, not all people in authority abuse their position -- there are good people out there but they do not justify dismissing someones claims that they were assaulted. And it is true that some may not even know that what they are doing is mentally and physically harmful to the person because it is how they were taught to carry out the task. And there are many, many good doctors and nurses out there who do their jobs well. But, a medical degree does not make you good at your job and it does not give you liscense do do whatever you please. Not everyone is suited to the job of health services. Some are rude, authoritarian, abusive and who see people as objects, numbers and statistics.
Why do these people still have a job? I'll tell you why...
Because when a woman complains her experience is squashed as her being too "high and mighty" or "expecting too much" or "is being silly for thinking that she gets to say no in a hospital setting" or that "once you hold your baby you'll forget all of that unpleasantness."
Some people say rape is too strong of a word and "maternal trauma" is better.
I'm sorry, why must we euphemise the physical restraint of a woman in labor who is NOT in any sort of danger and being subjected to unwanted vaginal checks? Is that like saying that "collateral damage" is just as good as sayin "the dead bodies"?
When a woman says she was violated so severely that it was rape to her. People should LISTEN, rather than calling her a "pissy drama queen."
Any time a woman is coerced or forced to submit to having objects or hands inserted into her anus or vagina it's a violation of her body integrity. It is rape. Any time a woman is forcibly held down and forced to submit to an internal exam, stripping of membranes, breaking her water, or forcing her cervix when she has not given permission and has said NO, is rape.
We are not talking about issues of safety where there is a real emergency and a woman is not coherent or conscious to consent and so someone else must make the decision for her. We are talking about women of sound minds, who are under a lot of stress during a very PRIVATE experience being bullied. Women who are badgered and coerced. Women who are lied to in order to "speed things along for convenience". Fully conscious and coherent women who have said NO. Women who have NOT given consent. Non-submissive women who are punished with uncessessarily rough exams because they dared to say NO. Women who are given drugs without their consent and as a result also find that they have had their genitals cut without their permission and against their strict instructs NOT to be cut at all. Women who have been treated like a vessel and not as human beings.
EVERY person has a right BY LAW to refuse any and all medical treatments. In order to bypass that law, you must be declared incompetant. A pregnant woman is pregnant, not incompetant.
In what kind of society is it okay and not a rape to hold down a woman, spread her legs, and stick a hand into her vagina and through her cervix while she is shouting NO! STOP! In what sort of society is it okay to tell a woman she has no more dignity while she is birthing so that anyone in a white coat or scrubs can come by while she is her most vulnerable to inspect her most private parts? It what kind of society is it okay to badger a person into submitting to a medical procedure that may or may not be the best course of action, and may or may not have a positive outcome, and may or may not have lasting physical consequences? In what kind of society is it okay for someone to presume they have permission to go near a woman's vagina just because she consented to an exam yesterday?
Yes, sometimes things happen beyond anyone's control, but this does not mean other people get to choose your fate just because they think the risk is acceptable.
When the hell did birth turn from the private, powerful business of women to vagina grand central!?
I'll tell you this plainly. I've never experienced a birthrape and I am working on my first birth period, but I can tell you one thing MY VAGINA IS NOT OPEN SEASON. Just because I consent to a Pap Smear does not mean I consent to any other check from that point forward! Just because I go in for blood pressure and a blood test, doesn't mean I'm going to accept a vaginal check just because tthe hundred women before me didn't say, "no thanks."
I am seriously bothered that women often do NOT know they can refuse! People literally are telling pregnant women to "lie back and think of England!" Excuse me? Women do not know that no one needs to stick anything into their vagina to "check things out" routinely. Routine for the sake of routine is NOT good. A woman's vagina is NOT hospital property. There are very few cases where the baby needs out rapidly. In about 90 percent of births there is no need to rush, or stick hands or instruments into the vagina, ESPECIALLY when a woman has said NO.
Do you know...:
...that you don't need any vaginal checks at all and can refuse every single one?
...that checking dialation is a way to record data, but it doesn't mean anything because every woman's body is different and doesn't follow the model?
...that a woman can be dialated for months and it will not change up until the last moment?
...that frequent vaginal checks tense the vaginal and uterine muscles making labor longer?
...that the arbitrary "effacements and station" announcements give women the false impression that they are not progressing, are doing something wrong, and can contribute to psychological blocks?
...that artificially rupturing the amniotic sac increases the incidence of cord prolapse and malpresenation of the baby?
...that labor and birth is a balance between hormones and involuntary muscle contraction and artificial interference can throw that balance off?
...that the only time an episiotomy is necessary is when a natural tear has progressed to the point where it is nearing the anus and a lateral episiotomy can redirect it (which rarely happens when a birth is not interferred with or sped up before the tissue has had time to adapt and stretch as it was designed to do).
...that routine episiotomies are mainly done because they are faster and easier to stitch up than a natural tear that may or may not happen, and may or may not need a stitch.
...that stripping of the membranes is not only painful and can introduce infection, but can start labor before the body has had a chance to get the hormone cocktail necessary for proper birth progression as it was meant to be?
...that constant fetal monitoring has shown NO increase in better fetal or maternal outcomes, but HAS been shown to increase the rate of c-sections contributing to the 30% rate in the United States when it has been determined that it should not be more than 10%?
This is only the tip of the iceberg of things people don't know. How can you protect yourself if you don't even know that you can say NO! And that people are justifying that someone can ignore the NO and do it anyway!
There are really good doctors and nurses out there who have WITNESSED routine abuses and are disgusted, and they haver reported that they are afraid to say something for fear of losing their jobs.
That should give people real pause and really open their minds to the very real chance that when a woman uses the word rape, molestation, assault, or violation to describe something that happened to her is not being silly. It should make people aware that a white coat and a degree is not a guarantee of anything.
No, I am not anti-medical. I am anti-stupidity.
More women need to stand up and demand that the system change so that those people who abuse their positions and encourage the abuse of women are not allowed to continue.
Comments:
*Applause Applause!* BRAVA!
I am also shocked at how many women don't know that they can refuse any of these procedures and how many of these gals think they must suffer because they decided to get pregnant!
"Birth Rape" is a totally accurate term in my eyes. My son was posterior, which isn't a big deal at all! I told my doctor no forceps or vacuum. My labor and birth were going excellent. I was in the middle of pushing (corwning) when he suddenly just got itchy, grabbed the forceps and began to turn my son! Before I could say a word all I heard was POP! and my vagina SNAPPED like a rubber band. I ended up needing stitches. I was devastated! I was that one moment away and he stole it from me all because he couldn't sit back and let me do it!
I SAID NO, DAMN IT! But back then I was seventeen and too young to know that there was anything I could do about it. Now I know my rights, thoroughly. No means no. Charges can be pressed!
*goosebumps*
*tears*
*hugs*
I heart you, ALG.
i am sorry but, i feel that you took it to far, if you do not want what a hospital has to offer such as monitoring and things of that sort then have your babies with a midwife. i feel that hospital are the safest place for my self and for my babies if it hadn't not been for the doctors and nurses that work their and their medical equipment and knowledge i would be dead and so would my kids. but if you do not want what a hospital has to offer then find a different way to birth and a different place. there are many many good doctors out there and it is sad to see that they get lumped with all of the crappy ones.
Apparantly you didn't read the part where no one was talking about the "good ones" nor "real emergencies". And I guess you missed the part where the good ones were praised TWICE.
Selective reading?
ALG, this is such a great journal.
I was blessed with one of those good doctors you mentioned (twice, not lumping them with the crappy ones...lol) I didn't have a whole lot of vaginal poking and during the delivery, she was sitting with me the whole time, making small talk and letting my body do it's thing. At one point, she said she 'could cut to make the labor go faster' but it was not necessary since my body was doing very well and things were naturally progressing. I'll be honest, if she had suggested it: I probably would have said 'ok'. After reading so many journals and information in my groups, I feel a lot more educated and empowered over my body.
And like I've said before: I don't feel I had a bath birth experience but there is no doubt in my mind that it can and will be even better next time.
Great post!
Thank you. I honestly Did not know I wasn't alone in this. Both of my births were "natural". I went into labor on my own but both times they broke my water. I thought that was normal. I was told to Quit screaming while in delivery, even accused of calling the Mid-wife names I know for a fact I did not say. and each time my Doctor's LEFT me to Mid-wives I had never met. It was like a circus in that room. Everyone and their sister had to come in and look at my private area. It was like people staring at the entrance waiting on the star to arrive but that's MY personal space! I went off on my second doctor for my second pregnancy. I had two doctors and a widwife through both of my pregnancy/deliveries and NONE of them were the same.
I was raised a lady kept her legs closed and only her husband and a trusted family doctor looked there. Might be old fashioned but I have morals and each time I was so humiliated. I considered skipping the monthly check ups and so on but I was told that children services would be called for child endangerment. I still don't know if that's the case but it scared me enough to keep going.
I really wish I would have known about this before I had my soon. I went in three weeks early with labor pains but I had been having them for a month. I could have held out longer. My son has had weight gain problems and now possibly other problems and I can't help but think it's somehow my fault for not holding out on going to the hospital to deliver him that day.
hopefully this is information is shared with pregnant mom-to-be's everywhere. Medicine is great but You CAN draw lines.
Great Post!
omg i havent heard of this.How horrible
Interesting post.
I wasn't held down, but my experience was bad when I had my son. The staff was generally harsh and rude. I was made to feel bad about being in pain, making too much noise, etc.
DS's father got into an argument the next morning with a nurse, and they threatened to not let me take him home. I was devastated. I had to beg them to leave things be and let us all go home.
Some health proffesionals really should reconsider their career if they don't enjoy helping people.
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As I stated elsewhere, my body is still MY body. Just because a person has a doctorate in birthing and THINKS they know what they're doing does NOT give them the right to do as they feel to my body against my wishes. The term "rape" is 100% accurate. As I said in another area, just because they SAY it's for the best doesn't mean it is. In that case, a maid can shove a broom up someone's ass and tell them it needs to be done to get the house clean. Are they at fault because they hired the maid and she knows best because it's her specialty? NO. It is STILL rape.
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