Things you always want to say...

[NaterbugsMom]

To the jagoff in the silver Mitsubishi driving Rte. 28S Thursday ~22:05, PA license plate # (_ _ _-_ _ _ _):

Thank you SO incredibly much for being such an arrogant, impatient ass that you felt the need to compromise my safety, that of my unborn child, your worthless behind and any number of fellow drivers by being in such a hurry to get ONE space ahead of me going INTO CONSTRUCTION that you entered the END of an ON RAMP to pass me.  Was that one space really worth it?  Because, lemme tell ya, I laughed my ass off passing you further down the road because you kept playing highway leap-frog to get into better position only to get stuck behind a slow poke, aka someone doing the legal speed limit!  It's people like you that cause any number of unnecessary accidents.  But that's okay, buddy, God has special Angels looking out for morons like you.  Which is probably a good thing, because you don't have the good sense He gave an ant to do it for yourself.  Hope you safely got where you needed to go that was SO much more important than everyone else on the road.  I forgive you.  Hope the next person you pass so recklessly is as lucky as I was.

 

To the people in my grocery stores:

For all of my youth and all of your supposed age and wisdom, it would seem that a lesson you were never taught is one of manners.  Just because you're older doesn't give you the unequivocal right of way, or the right to neglect common courtesy when I allow you to go.  If we're in a crowded aisle in the grocery store and you're already in motion, I may very well hang back and let you go first.  Please remember to say 'thank you' or 'excuse me."  And whether you do or not, you should at least remember the incident when you're next talking to your cronies and decide to throw out the blanket statement that young people today have no manners.  For I certainly do.  If you cut me off, remember to at least say "excuse me."  Don't leave your cart in the middle of the lane unless you WANT to play bumper buggies.  After running into 15 people who either cut me off, forget their manners or are just out and out rude, I am going to begin losing patience and will just move your damn cart somewhere OUT of my way.

 

To the Post Office & its employees:

If you don't want us to resort to using the internet for all our business, STOP RAISING YOUR PRICES and STOP BEING SO DAMN RUDE!  I am one of the few remaining people who appreciates face-to-face business interactions, apparently.  But if you lose my letters/bills/packages, take forever to get them where I need them to be, or gouge the crap out of my already straining pocketbook, don't be stupid enough to think I will continue to do business with you.  I will go with the 'net and you'll be back on teh unemployment line (or God forbid, worse.  They don't call it 'going postal' for no reason!)  I have nothing against you doing a job and doing it well.  I see you every day, i swear it!  I KNOW you're out there rain or shine.  But you chose that job.  Don't take your bad days out on me.  I say 'thank you' every single time i see you delivering my mail.  At least acknowledge me. 

 

To my mother:

I don't know if it was you or the TV who told me that if I have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all...  I do know that I have adopted the ideal that I can be nice.  I can be honest.  Sometimes I get the pleasure of being both, but given the choice of the two, I will ALWAYS be honest (since, like you said, you always found out when I was lying anyway and I get in less trouble just by telling you upfront what I did than by making you find out the truth in the end on your own!)  In that vein, I will tell you that I think you're a heinous bitch (since that's the NICEST thing I can say to you) and i wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire (since that's the honest to God truth.)  I hope you burn in a roach-infested hell (since you're so OCD) for bringing my son into the court system after 4 years of my going it alone with his father and never once involving him.  And all because you're an old hag who no longer has anyone under your thumb, you're going through your THIRD divorce and you're starting to realize that you're lonely and you have nothing.  No one needs you.  And because of the person you are, no one WANTS you.  Stop trying to warp my son the way you did me when you and dad were getting a divorce.  Eventually he will be smart enough, as I was, to realize who and what you really are, and by then, you'll be too old to deal with him telling you where to go and what to do when you're there. I will willing to let you see him providing it was supervised - which is WAY more than you deserve, considering you were encouraging my six year old to lie to me and keep things from me, blowing smoke directly in his face and basically allowing him to gorge himself on junk food - but NO! You had to try and get partial custody.  Go f*ck yourself.

Ok I'm out of steam for now.  I feel better though :)

[Erica_Smerica]

Apr. 19, 2009 at 7:32 PM

UGH the grocery cart thing gets me every time. Like when a group of three people with three carts decide to have a little powwow in the aisle! And you stand there waiting to get through and they look at you and continue chatting. Oh man.... that gets me every time.

[Carey2006]

Apr. 28, 2009 at 10:11 AM

LMAO...To the jagoff in the silver Mitsubishi (I used to drive a silver mirage)

BTW...stamps are going up again in May so stock up on Forever stamps!!!!