Today I was driving along, on our way to play at a friend's house, and I stopped for a cup of coffee from Dinky Doonads. Halfway into my coffee, I looked down as I raised the cup up to my face and there on the back of my hand was a big old hairy gray arachnid.

I flicked the little sucker off my hand and it spun through the air on its little silken web thing and disappeared down to the floorboards, like only a spider can disappear. I continued to drive along, feeling vaguely creepy, continuously running a hand along my jeans in case the spider had landed on me somehow.

"Good thing I'm not one of those pansy-assed spider phobia chicks," thinks me to myself, "or I'd be freaking right now." And then I glanced down, and that bad ass little bugger was way up on my thigh, peering up at me with clear intentions of eating me alive.

"Glarb!" I hollered, or something like that, and again the spider got flicked away into the floorboards. SWERVE SWERVE went the car, and I desperately tried to spot the spider somewhere down there with little mini-peeks as I drove with some semblance of sanity.

Now I'm practically feeling myself up, trying to find that damn spider and do away with his eight legged mean ass. After a while, I settle down, thinking he's gone for good and all is safe again. I look down, and there he is AGAIN, on the end of my red sneaker. Goddammit, spider! Leave me BE, spider! What do you want from me! I'm just a girl trying to get down the road in one piece!

Smooshed with the heel of my other shoe, the spider meets his end. "It didn't have to be this way, dude," I mutter, "but you were hell bent on sending me into the path of an oncoming Yugo."

Could I have admitted it, had I swerved into a ditch? Could I have confessed that the reason for my bang up was a reoccurring spider on my bodily person? I really don't know.


Add A Comment

Comments:

auror...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 9:58 PM

LOL!  Spiders are the ONLY bug that doesn't creep me out.  Had that been any other creature and my car would have been in the ditch.  Maybe he just wanted three fiddy.

Message Friend Invite

sherriet
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:00 PM

I hate spiders!  I would have pulled over and search for the little bugger.

Message Friend Invite

mars33me
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:03 PM

Ok great now I'm going to have nightmares... thanks.

Message Friend Invite

clair...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:10 PM

I almost got arrested once for stripping in public when I found a spider on my boob.

Well, not really about being arrested, but hell yeah to the nearly stripping part.  Damn things terrify me.

Message Friend Invite

Toddl...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:13 PM

*shudder*

I hate spiders. Haaaaaate them. I would have driven into a ditch for sure.

And Joye, I'm sorry, I think it's my fault the spiders are coming after you. Mike has convinced me that they're out to get me because I once killed a spider Godfather that ran across my hand in the garden a few years ago.

Message Friend Invite

clare...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:20 PM

Eewwww I hate spiders!

Message Friend Invite

Austinka
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:54 PM

He was after your boobs.

Message Friend Invite

sapient
Apr. 24, 2009 at 1:53 AM

I have SO done that before! I nearly plowed the whole family into the ditch because of a 2-mm long spider! I feel ya, sister.

Message Friend Invite

bhwrn1
Apr. 24, 2009 at 6:07 AM

LOL! Oh Joye, you really know how to start my day! Thanks for the story.

BTW, plese write a book, woman!

Message Friend Invite

IceMi...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 6:58 AM

I think mr. spider had some things to say to you. He was really set on it.

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN