One year ago today...

[cali4niachef]

One year ago today my Savior almost called me home. This is a journal post a few weeks after my recovery....

i feel i finally have the strength to put this into words, to reflect on it all. 

Within a week of Jonas’ birth I caught a cold/flu. I had it for 3wks. I would have coughing fits that would last an hour and make my ribs ache. i thought for a while I had walking pneumonia. On the 22^ndof April I had an appt with my family physician even thought I was nearly over it I figured I would go since it had taken me so long to get over this cold/flu. I told him then my stomach was very sore and tender to the touch. He said it was probably from all the coughing, even though the coughing had ceased a few days prior. 

On the 24^th I woke up about 2am in excruciating pain doubled over. It was all along my right abdominal section, lower abdominal and shot straight through my vagina. I didn’t even know how to cope with the pain or what to do. I FELT LIKE I WAS ON FIRE FROM WITHIN! So I called the midwife on call at the birthing center since I was almost 6wks postpartum. She said she thought it was my appendix and I agreed. We called my mother-in-law to come over to sit with Reed. Rodney, Jonas and I went to the ER. I told them I thought it was my appendix. They checked us in, took my vitals. I had a temp of almost 104F. They drew blood. My white count came back 20,000 when it should have been below 10,000; we knew I had a raging infection of some kind. The doctor on call thought maybe it was my gallbladder since the pain was high and low. We did an ultrasound and it did not show anything wrong with my gallbladder or appendix. We then did an x-ray to make sure I did not have pneumonia, which showed I did not. I then had to drink some liquid dyes for the CT scan. I pumped before I drank the dyes for the CT scan. Rodney took Jonas home around 7am, I told him to pick up some formula just in case. Anyway I went for the CT scan. Fortunately they had given my something for pain shortly after I got there. I can take A LOT of pain but at times I just laid there and wept. Shortly after the CT scan my husband came back, he left Jonas with his mom. My pastor came to. the new on-call doctor came in and told me from the CT scan it looked like my appendix was on fire. He contacted the surgeon who came to talk to us and I found out I was going to have surgery laparoscopically to remove the appendix. I was going to have surgery in about 2hrs. They started antibiotics. My pastor called the church and put it on the prayer chain.

After surgery I came out of recovery to find my husband almost breaking down in tears to see me with my father-in-law by his side. I was a bit confused and still groggy from the surgery. Later I learned the seriousness of my condition; while I was in recovery the surgeon came out and my husband expected him to say everything went fine. Well instead he motioned my husband into a private consult room, then motioned him to sit down. My husband had no idea what to expect but knew it must be serious. The surgeon informed him my appendix had in fact ruptured and it was gang-green and abscessed. They did an open appendectomy; I have about a foot long incision in the middle of my stomach. The surgeon said I went through surgery well, I was stable but in serious condition. He considered putting me in the ICU but I went through recovery well so he didn't. My husband asked if death was a possibility and he said, “Yes. We will just have to wait and see.” That was when my husband called his father to come sit with him while he waited for me to come out of recovery.

It was in recovery for an hour or so. When I came out and saw my husband I said “hi sweetie”. After we got up to the room my husband told me how serious it was. My husband called his mom and told him to bring the boys so I could see them, in case it would’ve been the last time they would’ve seen me. The deacons came later that day and laid hands on me and prayed. 

I don’t think I even realized that I had an open appendectomy for a day or so. I had a tube coming out of me to drain the infection. They left part of the incision open in case they had to go back in. I remained on antibiotics to fight the infection. I was also on oxygen for a few days. I couldn’t have any liquids for two days I think. Then I was on a liquid only diet for two days and then I finally got solid food. 

Fortunately when I was in the ER I got a pump to use. I pumped 4-5 times a day and my husband or my MIL would bring Jonas over so I could nurse him once a day. I would then send home EBM with them. They mixed half EBM with half formula when I was in the hospital to make the EBM last as long as possible. Amazingly I never became engorged when I was in the hospital and Jonas took to a bottle with no problems. My first son Reed hated bottles. I remember thinking how awful would it be if I got mastitis because I wasn’t emptying my breasts enough.

I was on antibiotics for 10 days after I got home. I got my staples out last week and go back next week to make sure the incision is completely healed. After I got home I nursed Jonas exclusively and he hasn’t had any formula. He was a bit unhappy for a few days after I got home because my supply was low but I knew if we just nursed in no time my supply would come back. I’ve had to take fenugreek to help get my supply back because it obviously became compromised while I was in the hospital.  It still makes me cry when I think how close I came to leaving my husband a widower and my children motherless. I can’t fathom how my husband must have felt when the surgeon told him I could die. 

As a Christian I know this is not our home and we long to be with our Savior. But we are human and in the flesh; we don’t want to leave our loved ones behind. I know God was “watching over me”(that sounds so cliché) and people were praying for me. I am so thankful for my church family, they have been amazing. Since I’ve been home someone has brought us dinner every evening and will do so until the 20^th. I haven’t had to fix one meal, well except for breakfast. Spiritually I haven’t even dealt with it all, the gravity of the situation. I tried to pray once for a meal and just wept, all I could pray was “Lord you know my heart, you know how grateful I am.” I had no words to say.

My husband and I just celebrated our 7^th wedding anniversary and birthdays. Me being here to celebrate them was more then enough of a gift. 

I just wanted to share this with you all. Life is so short and we don’t even know it. We say life is short but we really have no idea how short it is. Kiss your children and tell your family and friends you love them, be grateful for your health and learn to live to the fullest.

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.  - A. Sachs

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die -Amelia Burr

[livewell]

Apr. 24, 2009 at 7:24 PM

Thank you for sharing this and I am so grateful that your family still has you in their lives.

[luvsfrogs]

Apr. 24, 2009 at 7:49 PM

What a touching story... I am glad that everything has turned out well for you. I have never had anything like that happen but I know I worry about it all the time.. what would happen? I dont know.. But I know that I too am in Gods hands! I just wish He would come back and take us all home to no more sickness and pain... all the good stuff is over there!! Many blessings to you

[RobynS]

Apr. 24, 2009 at 8:15 PM

I'm glad you're here to tell your story!! You just never know when life will throw you a major curve ball. Thanks for the reminder of just how precious life is!

Love the Sachs quote, btw!!