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It's Morning Madness I Tell YOU!
- Apr 24, 2009 at 9:04 PM
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- Comments (5) Total Views (79) Everyone can see this journal post.
Well, I woke-up, what more do you all want from me??!
I'd like to scream that really LOUD sometime. Really, I'd Like to, at the top of my lungs.
Just the whole process of dragging myself out of a snugly bed full of dreams can be quite the chore. And not because of all my back problems either.
Sometimes I'm just too lazy. I wish I could go back to the days of saying "just 5 minutes longeeeerrrr, gramma".
How come we always plead for only 5 more minutes? I mean if we can pick any number arbitrarily, how come it's 5 more minutes? We should bargain for a whole nother 1/2 hour! Anything more than that and we'd just be being silly!
But I went and lugged myself out of my sanctum and forced myself to move around in the attempts to get circulation into my blood thereby making my brain work. That's when it all backfired. I realized right away that I should have stayed firmly in bed. The first thing I was met with was my gorgeous husband sans shirt, stake sauce dripping onto his gut, lounging on the couch in his stained blue underwear.
He's unshaven and smiling at me with stuff stuck in his teeth. I can only hope it's part of the stake.
He didn't make me one! Actually, after that sexy sight I couldn't bring myself to eat.
I muster an almost inaudible "hello" and make my way to the bathroom where there's goo and filth caked in the bowl of the sink. It looks like someone used it as an ashtray and just smeared their toothpaste all around in it. Yum!
I don't smoke, my husband does. There is also ashes in our bathtub!? This is just disgusting!
There's 10 pairs of socks on our floor wadded into circular little balls near the toilet and half a roll of toilet paper laying on the floor. We have only 4 people in our house. Maybe the dog is now wearing socks?! The cat?? The pet rat? I dunno! But I assure you I am starting to get ticked off at this extra sock wearing, lazy assed individual. Yet for some unknown reason that defies all logic and reason I continue to proceed onward. I go to the kitchen where my holiest of items still sits broken. You guessed it! The coffeepot.
Mr. I-Can-Fix-It-Honey has still not made good on his words or bought me a new one.
So, I grab a Mt.Dew. My husbands wake-up beverage of choice. By now you're guessing that he's a health freak, right?! I needed caffeine, I didn't care. But I shouldn't have gone in that room at all.
Because it just pissed me off more and sent my blood to a boilin'! The stove wasn't turned off, the stake sauce (the sauce that was in question splattered on his stomach) still sitting out on the counter, the wrapper that once contained the steak still sitting on the counter, the salt and pepper and various other seasonings of choice. All not in their rightful homes.
Then the furry crew came and attacked me on all fronts. I felt hostage in my kitchen! Meow, Meoooow, Meoooowwwwwwwww!!!! I looked down and 3 cats had me surrounded and the dog was bringing up the rear of the troop. Plaintiff, soulful brown-eyes looking upward at me. I was cornered up against the counter. They knew there was food stashed in this joint and they were all determined to get it because the man in the living room was too occupied with his own grumbly gut to be bothered by theirs.
"UGH, furry creatures...must you hound me so?! Okay, Okay. I'll feed your gaping maws."
After attending to in home barnyard duty, being sure to not forget Bugsy Malone the Mafia Rat's tummy, I picked up numerous half drank Mt.Dew cans. Guess who did that?! Mmmm hmmmm.
He wonders, actually seriously wonders where all the pop goes after he buys it. It should be noted that I had 2 cans out of the 12 pack and the kids arn't allowed to drink it at all. I always pull open the tabs on my cans only half way so I know that it's mine and he opens his cans fully. These are all open to their full extent. My loving, wonderful, sexy, vibrant, CLEEAAAN MAN!
Why, Oh WHY, is it that he can't make the garbage go all the way into the garbage can??? Why do cigarette wrappers, candy wrappers, stake wrappers only make it to sitting next to the waste receptacle?? Would he be physically drained and totally unable to move if he went the 2 extra feet it takes to throw something away?! Will he die of sheer exhaustion? Will he have mental overload?!
Brake a nail? This ranks right up there with not putting a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser and me having to do the "poopy butt walk" to the hall closet to get toilet paper to wipe aforementioned poo off said ass! Now, I don't know about you folks out there but I hate, just down right hate that feeling.
All of this morning fun has put me into a kind of funk and I wasn't a happy camper. I was almost late for my doctors appointment after cleaning up the house, getting myself ready, getting him to get up and moving. Grrrrrrrrrr.
It's Madness here I tell you, MADNESS!
Comments:
Okay...some, just some, is partially exaggerated. ONLY PARTIALLY.
I had 3 Mt.Dew cans. He corrected me. :D
He is deeply worried, my husband is. That you all will think that he sits around in stained underwear. Apparently the thought of our home being in utter disarray fazes him not! I told him, "honey, it's okay, at least I didn't tell them all about your holey pair of underwear." hehehe cosmic retribution!
I love my journal, I love my journal, I love my journal I DO!
Sometimes I think that living with my dad is worse than when I had my husband around. Except I'm the messy one. Hey, it's an organized mess.
Hey I have an idea. When you find the half drunk Mt Dew cans, put them back on the bottom shelf of the fridge. (maybe put them on a plate incase they get knocked over by accident you won't have it spill all over the fridge) Yup, I've done it with the ginger ale my son sometimes forgets. He eventually goes back to fnish them. Your hubby wouldn't want the drinks to go to waste of course! That's wasting money! Why should he care about stains if only his family sees them. And how can a guy get comfortable if there ain't no "air-conditioning" in his shorts?! LOL
I was laughing so hard when I read this. ( so was michael ) lol Don't worry he won's say anything to Bob wait I am worried.
You are a very good writer.
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I hope everything will be alright .
- angellady535
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