There are days

[v_clar]

I am tired, exhausted really so if I don't make sense, please forgive me.

There are unclear thoughts whirling around my mind. Scattered and diverse. Not sure what they are or even if they are happy or sad thoughts. And I hate that. I hate the feeling of being out of control. I hate not knowing what is going on in my own head.

And yet, when I feel like this it's because I know that God is working on me. He is shaping me into the person HE wants me to be. He is working toward a purpose that is so much bigger than me. One that I don't know. Someday He will reveal it to me, but for now, not gonna happen. I have to trust Him. I have to believe that, no matter what, He has a plan and it is good.

I believe that because I do. I have to. Yes, I have to. There is no other explanation for my life. There is no way to explain why I have survived all that I have survived. There is no choice for me. I believe. I trust. I have faith. I have a relationship, not religion. I have a "date" with Jesus each and every morning. I read His word and have a conversation with Him. I empty my heart, I tell Him everything. I share my fears, my sorrows and my joys. I discuss my life and the direction I think I'm headed. I ask for advice. I ask for blessings, for me, my family, my friends and even those friends I haven't met yet. There is nothing I can't tell Him. Nothing.

Besides, He already knows, but He is always ready for me to tell Him. He loves me, more completely more deeply than I can even imagine. He DIED for me and you and everyone. He will never leave my side and He will catch me when I fall. He is my....well, my everything.

Yes, I read my Bible every day. Yes, I've read it cover to cover. My Bible is worn. I have written in it's margins and highlighted passages that have touched me. The cover is curled at the corners and that plastic film is lifting around the edges ever so slightly. Yet, it's the book that sits in a place of honor on my coffee table in the living room in my apartment. It's there so that everyone who enters my home knows that I believe. And they know that Jesus is the most important part of me.

I am not ashamed. I am not going to apologize. I am not going to tell you you're wrong. I won't even bring it up unless it's appropriate in our conversation. And even then, it will be in reference to my life.

Why won't I bring it up? Why because it's my actions and the way I live that are His most compelling testimony. It's my ability to let go of the fear and worry of life's negatives. It's the ability to praise Him in the face of life changing tragedy. It's the peace in my soul that speaks so much louder than any words I can use. It's His light that shines from me (I hope) that is His testimony of love and hope.

I do not have religion - I have Jesus.

[shell81]

Apr. 25, 2009 at 8:00 PM

I know you remember my post about what is your religion and what does it mean. My husbands boss is a preacher and he is getting me a bible to read!! I can't wait. It will answer a lot of questions I have.

HUGS to you girl