its like he killed my mother all over again

[Steph_reynolds]

so, where to begin, where to begin.  I have had the most mindblowingly, dramatic weekend EVER. 

my former stepfather (Bear) called me in the beginning of the week, to let me know that he had decided to marry the thundercunt, soul sucking, gold digging bitch that my little brother and I fondly refer to as A.C. (short for Anti-Christ).  He told me that he was marrying her at her house, at 5 o'clock on Friday afternoon, and he would like me to be there.  I told him that he knew full well how I felt about Dorothy, and this whole wedding thing, but that I was quite sure that I had done a thing or two throughout my life that he wasn't exactly thrilled with, and, that hadn't stopped him from sticking by me, so, I would do the same for him, and, I would be there. 

he and I then got into conversation about the things I would be coming and taking from the house, so that they could clean it out, and, possibly rent it out.  I ran down a list of things I had in mind; my mamas cedar chest, with mostly my baby items in it, my grandfathers service papers, and really old family items, also, most of my mothers personal effects, such as clothing, makeup, and things like that, and also, the chest freezer.  Bear then said,

"well, I had planned on taking the freezer to Dorothy's when I move there, we plan to raise a pretty good size garden, and will need a freezer, but-if you REALLY want it, and it means that much to you, you can take it, and I will buy a new one for out at Dorothy's, after all, I probably didn't pay $400 for it brand new, and that was about 12 years ago, there probably isn't MUCH life left in it anyways, it is full of old stuff from the garden that is probably in need of being thrown out, you will have to do something with all that." 

so, I told him that I could easily take care of that, and it wouldn't be a problem, and, I continued listing the specific things I had in mind to bring back to Lafayette with me.  he didn't have a problem with any of the things that I listed, because most of the items were either things that my mother already had when they married 25 years ago, or, were specific women items, and of no possible use to a 65 year old man. 

fast forward to Friday morning, 9:30 am.......

Ethan and I had just got out of bed, at the home of my mother and Bear (yes-we were being Lazy).  I started talking with Bear about the wedding, what time I needed to show up and such.  it was then that the telephone rang, and, Bear was telling some one how they were just in time, and, he would dance at their wedding, bla bla bla... after he hung up, I asked him who that was, and he informed me it was Gary (mama's old Jeweler), and I said

"oh, is he making you another wedding set?"

and he said

"no, I already had a wedding set"

ok-that's strange.  see, he had purchased her a wedding set, back when he first proposed to her in around November, a $7,000 wedding set, and, she decided that she didn't like it, so, he took her, and they picked out another one, a few weeks after that, she told him that she had changed her mind, she wouldn't marry him, and give him back the Engagement ring. Bear then took this entire set, and went to  a local jeweler, and had him melt down the rings and have them molded into a pendant, for a necklace. and placed it in the Safe Deposit box where we had put my mother's rings, in attempt to make sure that they were safe.  I talk to Bear EVERY DAY on the phone, sometimes several times a day, we stay pretty "in the loop" on exactly what goes on in each others lives on a daily basis, and, I hadn't recalled him telling me that he had purchased another set.

so I asked him

"did yall pick out another set"

and he said

"no, I had a set"

so I said

"I thought you had that set melted down and made into a pendant"

and he says

"I did"

so I asked

"what set is she wearing?"

and he says

"that set my mama wore"

and I said

"ohhhhhhhh, the one you bought"

to which he VERY defensively replies

"I BOUGHT THEM ALL"

I should have known something was strange... but, I didn't catch on, so I said

"no, that set you bought for Marty" (a high school girlfriend) 

and he says

"yes, and that Big ring"

and I said

"what big ring?"

Bear says

"you know, that big ring, the one with the big diamond"

so, I was trying to think... I was about 90% sure that we had only gotten 2 rings when Granny (Bear's mama) died, and those were the two pieces of the wedding set that he had purchased for Marty back in 1963....so, finally I said

"I dont know what you are talking about, I dont know about any big ring"

so, he makes it quite clear when he says

"that Big ring ya mama wore"

i froze, and was silent for a couple seconds...... and finally said

"you..................gave................Dorothy.............................. one of my mother's rings?????"

and he says

"yes"

so.. I looked at him and said..

"that makes me FUCKING SICK"

I stormed off and went into the bedroom and shut the door, and very quickly changed from my pajamas into my clothes, I then came back out, took Ethan, put his clothes on him, and started outside, heading for my car.  he was behind me, telling me that he and Dorothy had an agreement, that when something happened to him, that ring was to come back to me and William (my little brother). I informed him that agreements meant NOTHING, and that things get "lost", "stolen", "misplaced", any number of things when the time comes to return it.  and I left, I went to Ashdown and took Ethan to go eat Breakfast, and made a few phone calls to get some more opinions, and make sure that I wasn't the one that was over reacting on this issue.  everyone seemed to think it was completely and utterly disgusting that he would do this.  I went to the Bank, where we had the safe deposit box containing my mothers rings, to see when he had been there and taken the rings out, my Aunt works at that particular bank, and, I am co-owner of the Box, so, I get to see the cards or go into the box anytime I want, it seemed that he had been there when he initially put the rings into the safebox (at my request) in June, he had been there once more in December, to deposit that Pendant he had made from that set he had bought Dorothy the 2nd time, and, Monday, 4 days prior.  what is REALLY significant about this, is that as of TUESDAY NIGHT, he was still sleeping with his other girlfriend, and telling me he didn't know if he was going to go through with this whole wedding thing at all.  so, just to clarify-he doesn't even KNOW if he is going to go through with the wedding, but, he still gives her the wedding set, AND my mothers ring to boot??  does this make sense to anyone else, because, i cant, FOR THE LIFE OF ME understand his logic....

moving right along

I talked to several people, who ALL seemed to COMPLETELY see my side of things.  I went back to the house, and, found that it was locked, and I had left my wallet on the ironing board inside, so, while I waited on Bear to get back and unlock the door, I called William, and asked him if he had any idea what was going on, which, of course, he did not, so, I had to tell him this whole story, about how his daddy had given AC one of our mothers most cherished rings.  William had pretty much the same reaction to this news as I did, and, left from his friend's apartment in Texarkana, heading towards the house.  once Bear had gotten back, and was getting ready for his little wedding to the succubus, I tried one more thing... I called Dorothy, after all, she *is* a mother, and a grandmother, if she has any SHRED of human decency, any similance of a heart or piece of a soul, she will understand, and she will return what rightfully belongs to my and my little brother. 

so, while Bear was in the shower, I called her, I was very polite to her, I started off by saying that we were not mad at her, because we didn't know what Bear might or might not have told her about how we felt, or would feel about this situation.  I explained how my mother cherished those rings, how she wore them EVERY DAY for the almost 25 years that Bear and Mama were married, taking them off only to cook, or take a bath.  I told her that Both William and I were hurt beyond belief to learn of what had been done, and that we had only just found out a matter of hours ago, I told her that right after mama died, that I told Bear that I would love for him to find some one else to make him happy for the rest of his life, and that I didn't care if he spent every dime that he and mama had saved over the years of their marriage having fun, and enjoying life, that the only thing in the world that mattered to me, was that he NOT sell the house and land, and that we do whatever it takes to make sure that nothing ever happens to mamas rings.  it was the day after this conversation, that we had the rings put into the safe deposit box, one key was kept by Bear, and one key was kept by me, in my underwear drawer, here in Lafayette.  I also told her that if it were not for the fact that I was terrified that some one would dig my mothers body from her grave, I would have had her rings buried on her fingers, and THAT  was how important those rings were to my mother, and how important that it was to me and William that we have them all back together, and back in the safe deposit box, I told her that there was no amount of money that would drive me to part with those rings, and that they would mean just as much to me and William, had they been $50 pawn shop rings.. and we were absolutely DESPERATE to have them back.  I then said that I was hoping, that as a woman and a mother herself, that she would understand where we were coming from on this..

once I stopped talking, and gave her a chance to respond, this is what she said

"well, Bear WORKED for the money that paid for those rings, and they belong to him to do with as he pleases, if he tells me to give it back, then that's what Ill do, if he does not, then I am keeping it".

thanks a lot for that heartfelt, understanding reply

so, I thought Id try to approach Bear one more time, maybe he didn't think that it would hurt me like it did, maybe he thought it would be no big deal, this guy has been acting as my father for almost 25 years, surely when he sees and understands how this bothers me, he will set it right....

when he gets out of the shower, I tell him that I want to talk to him before he goes, and, he tells me that it will be a little while before he leaves, so, I clarify, and say

"I mean I want to talk to you soon"

so, he says

"ok"

and goes into the bedroom and comes back with a pair of socks, and sits down and starts putting them on, and before I have a chance to say one word, he says

"if this is about that ring, it is staying where its at, I worked and made the money that paid for that ring, and it belongs to ME, and it is staying where it IS"

needless to say, this starts a HUGE fight between he and I, and, I end up NOT going to the "wedding".  he left right after the ceremony to go to their weekend honeymoon a few hours away. I took my son to his grandmother's house to stay the night, so that I can get the things that I am taking packed up and ready to go.  I was so upset that I could not sleep at ALL, I stayed up from 9:30 Friday morning, until I finally went to sleep at 10:30 Saturday night at my mother in law's house.  I took exactly the things that I told him I was going to take.  on Saturday evening, I got a phone call, it was from Bear, he was asking me why I took the freezer, when he told me not to, I quickly corrected him and told him that he had told me that I COULD take the freezer if I really wanted it, and he would buy a new one.  he then began insinuating that he was going to call the police and tell them that I, basically, had robbed him.  I reminded him a few more times of EXACTLY what he had said, and I mean VERBATUM, and he finally acknowledged that he HAD told me that I could take it, and that it was fine.  I again addressed the issue of my mother's ring, and, he then informed me that it was NOT my mother's ring, that it had NEVER been my mothers ring, that HE worked and bought and paid for that ring, and that it belonged to HIM, and he merely allowed her to wear it for the 25 years they were married, and he could do whatever he wanted to do with the thing.  I then told him that he had until Wednesday afternoon to call ATT and get his number transferred to his own account, because I was calling Thursday morning to have it taken off of my bill (I have paid for their cell phone for about 3 years now), to which he said

"well thats great, I'm real proud of you"

i said

"good, probably not quite as proud as I am of you, I mean, I am just living by YOUR philosophy, I pay for it, so I can do WHAT I WANT, RIGHT??  or does that only apply to you?"

so, I might come back and edit this later, and add this rest, because there IS more, but, the readers digest version of the END of the story is that the relationship I had with my stepfather is GONE.  it can NOT be healed, the trust is broken, and it can NOT be fixed.  even if he showed up on my doorstep TOMORROW with my mother's ring in hand, i would still NOT forgive him.  I will be changing my cell number in a few days, and I will NOT have contact with him, at all.  he and I are through, he will also NOT have contact with my son.  I want him to be surrounded and influenced by good people, with integrity, character and morals.  there are enough bad people out there that I will not be able to help that he is subjected to, so , I am going to eradicate what evil I can from his life, and, Bear and that new trash wife of his are one of the things that will be evicted. 

check back later and I might have added the story about when the other girlfriend called at 4:30 saturday morning, and was quite surprised to find out that Bear had gotten married 12 hours prior, because he had asked her to marry him last week, and she said yes, and when he left her house Wednesday morning, after staying all night, he told her he would be gone a few days, he had some things to take care of, but, he would call her soon. 

[2kids19yrsapart]

Apr. 27, 2009 at 6:15 PM

WOW!  I hope all ends up okay and you do get the ring back.  Sending prayers your way.  It sure sounds like you could use them.

[daisyb]

Apr. 27, 2009 at 6:47 PM

 

   WOW- What a weekend you had! I am So Sorry that a man you clearly accepted as your Dad for many years Broke your Heart the way he did- I think that you took every step to give him & his "New Very Selfish Bimbo" a chance to do the right thing and put your Mom's ring back where it belonged- I agree with you, damage is Done- Maybe Bear did not realize there would be No Turning Back- I am sure there will be a Major Void in his life without You & your Son in it- There is NO Doubt about how proud your Mom is of you for standing your ground about something that she held So close to her Heart- I hope you start to feel better very soon- Wishing you Lots of Luck!

 I will be checking back for your next chapter! Take Care-

[HarleysMama07]

Apr. 30, 2009 at 1:54 AM

OMG Steph!!! That is some craziness!!!! Thats all I can say I am in complete shock!