The Day I Quit!

[Kenre]

1:15 PM

Alright, first things first. I do have the belief that a mom's place is home with her kids. That said, I also believe a father's job is to work and give an income coming into the house. Now I am not one to divorce or break apart from a man just because he looses his job. I am one, however, to get angry and lash out when a man sits on his arse all day and plays video games instead of doing his job as a parent.

Now... that I have that clear: I QUIT! I officially quit yesterday afternoon after we gave SS back to his mom. I told DH that he was now the mom. I wasn't going to do everything for him and DS anymore. I am sick of it. When I was on bedrest, I still had to get up and clean the house. When he was the stay-at-home dad and I worked after DS was born, I still had to cook and clean the house (and care for a very sick baby. I even had to bring DS to work with me.) This last weekend I ran around my house doing laundry (hand washing the clothes), setting up toy tracks, supplement homeschooling SS, and unschooling DS. Cleaned everything and made all of the beds (DS and SS did their chores, so I have to say I wasn't alone.) DH sat on the couch or at his computer and played video games. SS doesn't come for visitation for my sake, he comes for DH. Yet I am constantly walking, standing, and cleaning around these guys. I am rubbing my swallon ankles at the end of the day and crashing to sleep at around midnight, just to wake up again around 6 or 6:30 to start making breakfast, and hopefully get a shower in before the kids wake up. My only free time for cafemom or anything else like checking email is done when I stop to write a post, paragraph, respond, or open a page between cleaning something, running somewhere, or just playing with my sons. Then every so often I get a customer (I sell vacuums, but business has been slow) this means I have to pack up whatever child(ren) are here, bring them over to MIL's house (which I hate doing since she doesn't parent anything like me, and I'm so afraid she is going to accidently allow my kids to kill themselves), and hurry through a sale so that I can make money and get back to my kids before MIL allows them into something that could kill them (I have good reason to believe this.)

So, I quit. I just quit being a slave to DH and caring for my kids as a single mom. I quit being a second mother to DH and picking up after him with no help. I am the one working, he can be the one who takes care of the house.

I told him I will reinstate myself again if he can do it. If he can be me completely for one whole day I will get up and start doing my job again. If he can't well, I guess I have more time for CafeMom now! I have to say I have been enjoying myself. I slept in today. I only made myself breakfast, and I just left the bowl in the sink. I also haven't changed a single diaper yet.  No wonder he likes doing nothing... yet, I'm sitting here needing company, because without me doing anything, I feel the need to get up, make food for the family or clean something (my house is slowly getting destroyed.)

I am still cuddling with DS, but he hasn't had any teaching today. He's also up past nap time, and I'm waiting for DH to realize he also needs to be fed... DS will start getting cranky soon and signing for food or sleep. It's a matter of time. I won't let DS starve, though. I'll feed him if it gets too late.

Oh I feel the need to clean up so bad... my house...

1:39 PM

I would boycott just taking care of him, but it's the matter that he doesn't take care of or play with his sons even when I have to work. I have to take them to MIL's house for their well being. Well, I don't have a customer today, and I think it's about time he be the stay-at-home dad he wants to be. He said he doesn't want to get another job, so I'm not going to make him. He can clean, cook, teach, and care for his kids.

It's also the fact that I love SS, but he's not here for me. His visitation is with his dad, and yet I am the one doing everything during his visitations. DH doesn't even play with the kid.

I won't let my boy starve. I already made an "off handed" comment about the time to DH and how DS was getting cranky... and probably wanted to be fed and placed to sleep... DH started going off about how he wanted to play his video game and I had said it was alright, and everything and how now he's in trouble AGAIN for playing video games. I didn't say anything back. He just wants to piss me off, because I clean when I'm pissed off. I know this tactic. He fed DS and laid him down (his choice of meal was a bit odd, but I am not in charge.)

I am having an issue about the house, but I'm OCD about how my house is ran. If I want this to work, I have to just keep ignoring it all around me and focus on CM (and other things I am working on online.)

He can learn to be a bit like me, I think. It wouldn't hurt anything in the long run. This morning, when he woke up at the crack of dawn, he asked how long I was going to do this (quitting). I just told him "However long it takes." He groaned and DS kept trying to wake him up. He finally did get up, and now he won't have time for a shower today... at least, he won't have time unless he takes one right now with DS asleep, or he'll be having to take one with DS in the bathroom getting into everything during his shower.

I am taking a bath later, alone... It'll be nice.

7:35 PM

I am so bored not doing anything. I thought this would be fun, but it's not. I even took a nap today when I would usually be cleaning out the shower or doing laundry.

DH cleaned up. Not perfect, but it's a lot better than what he usually does. When I came out of our bedroom he asked if he had to make supper too. I told him I wasn't doing it. So, we had vegetarian spaghetti (noodles, mushrooms, green peppers, and some tomato sauce. He forgot the meat.) DS didn't like it much, but he was also tired... DH cleaned really loudly, and was banging things around. This caused some vibrations on our floor (mostly because DH walks heavy) and DS woke up from it.

DH was angry that he cleaned all day (after I had made the comment about lunch, he started to clean up and continued to do it) and then I told him he had to cook too. After supper, he had to clean DS up, lay him down (I read the book since DH usually does this, and today I am being DH...) and the he had to clear the table, do dishes again, and wipe down the kitchen. After that he had to clean up the living room, again, because DS played this afternoon.

He's really not done to my standards (he didn't wipe any of the dust off of things, or wash my livingroom table). He picked up DS's bath toys in the bathroom, but it hasn't been wiped down at all. I didn't complain, though. I even let him get onto his computer video game (which I have changed the password on all of his games while he was cleaning this afternoon. Now he has to ask me to sign onto the games.)

I think my strike is over. He learned his lesson. He even had a meltdown like I hoped he would. Tomorrow I will be back to being Mom, again. It's not for his benefit, either, but my own. I had to hold myself back so much today on just sitting still, that I think I caused a small anurism in my brain. Telling myself over and over again it was alright to lay in bed, or chill on the couch with my laptop... it's hard... I am so used to jumping up when DS needs something, DH needs something, or there's something out of place. Good thing it wasn't laundry day. I could never go on strike on a laundry day.

Oh, and DS never had his lesson today. I am not fretting over it, though. I'll just pick up where we left off yesterday. I'm sure he noticed, though. He is very strict on his schedule or he gets cranky. DH just wouldn't know what to do if he had to teach the boys.

Is it really bad that I felt horrible for doing this to DH? He couldn't even get a whole day of my work done without melting down. I don't even want to mention the what-if's on if this wasn't a Monday. I have a schedule for laundry, clutter cleaning, bills, extra cleaning (like oven cleaning, wall washing or hardcore bathroom cleaning), floor wash day, or even a day where DS could play outside for his 1 1/2 hour (it was a rainy/stormy day today.) I just feel sorry for him, because I kind of threw him into it with no warning. I just got overwhelmed on Saturday when both of the boys decided to double team me during lessons and then again at bedtime. DH didn't get off his computer game, instead he put on his head phones to drown out the noise. I don't think he'll be doing it again, though. I haven't told him I'm back on the job yet. I am going to wait until right before bed, so that I can have a talk with him about it all. He needs to understand that I am so willing to do these things, but when the kids decide to double team me (especially SS) I need his help. It'd also be nice if he played with the boys while I did some of the cleaning, so that I am not putting together train tracks at the same time as I am trying to clean off toys.

I almost made DH sew one of the boy's toys back together (I hand sew and mend the toys myself. I have a basket full of them that need to be fixed, and I was going to get to them today. Mondays are usually my slowest days.) I probably could have tried to get him to replace a light bulb in the dining room as well, but again, I wasn't going to push my luck. I don't even know if he knows which way to turn a light bulb!

We didn't have any ritual today, either.

What would happen if I ever died?

[Lb128f]

May. 10, 2009 at 2:38 AM

Wow, tough Mommy :-) but, I think it's okay he got to see what it is like for you on a daily basis...I hope it makes a difference!! I really think you may be too hard on YOU though...I understand you want things clean and that's great. But, you should enjoy life a little when you are "in charge"....take time to sit down and relax, play with the children...and, just enjoy life. Anything that needs to be cleaned or "done" will still be there tomorrow. ;-) And...hopefully now you won't have to do it all alone!