Andri's Surgery

[AndrisMom]

I KNOW this surgery is pretty low key, and that's really not what bothers me. All that is being done is a laser treatment on her scar and the surgeon is going to clip the inside of her lip to release it a little more. No big deal, people get this done in regular doctor's offices all the time.

But b/c she's little and doesn't understand she has to hold still they are going put her under anesthesia to do it. Of course she'll be in a children's hospital where she'll have the best care possible. But Anesthesia is 10x riskier than the actual surgery and that's what really bothers me. Her anesthesiologist works with children only, so he's a real pro. But every child is different and reacts differently and everyone makes mistakes. I have horrible nightmares of my baby being the one the mistake is made with or she'll have some weird reaction. My family is known for weird reactions to meds, great legacy to hand down, but what can I do?

Then there's the one that keeps me up at all hours of the day and night. I remember very clearly having to hand my 3 month old baby to the nurse and how she cried and cried. That was the worst part of the entire experience. Worse even than getting to the recovery room and seeing her poor little face all swollen and bruised. I want to hold her the entire way. From the waiting room to pre-op and even during the surgery. I know I can't, but maybe they'll let me hold her while they put her to sleep if I insist enough. And I'm going to insist they let me come back to recovery BEFORE she wakes up. Last time I rushed the surgeon through his explanation and literally ran for fear she'd wake up before we got there and I made it just in time. It turns out she is just like me, there is no gradual wake up for us, we wake right up and yell. I scared the bejeezus out of the recovery nurses when I had my tonsils taken out. They hadn't even had a chance to get the tube out before I sat up wide awake. I was 11 and remember how scary that was, I can't imagine what Andri will be thinking when she wakes up from this.

I know I've done all I can to place her in the best hands possible, but I can't help thinking that nobody is perfect. I keep thinking that maybe I should tell the doctor that I don't want her under anesthesia and to just strap the kid down and gas her a little. Some local anesthesia and quick hands and we're done before you know it. I know he would do it that way if it made it sense, but I keep thinking maybe it's possible. We've papoosed her many times to put the cortisone shots in her scar after her surgery and for different small procedures. I know the surgeon needs to be precise, and that's why he does it in the hospital, but I still think about it all the time.

So today I get to cry, tomorrow I have to be strong and calm. Calm parents make for calm babies, and calm babies don't fret and stress b/c they know something bad is coming. I will keep her calm until the very last minute when I have to do the impossible and hand her over to someone else's care. From there I'm powerless to make it better. Last time we went through this, Andri came out with some horrible stranger danger, and who can blame her? I'm hoping it won't be so bad this time, I'd hate for this to damage her diva personality. I know this will also make her even more clingy than she's already become. I have to be careful to walk the fine line between making her happy and not killing myself in the process or hurting the new baby.

Maybe today we'll go to Latte Fun or the park or some place fun she really likes. She's going to be stuck in doors for a little while for recovery and I feel like even though she has no idea what's coming that I need to help make it up to her.

Tags: surgery, cleft, laser, anesthesia

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[pless3]

Apr. 29, 2009 at 9:38 AM

I am so sorry you have to go thru all of this, I can'nt even imagine.  My mom goes thru this alot with my litle sister, she has spina bifida. and is a regular at Miami children's hospital.  I will be praying for you and andri, and your family.  If there is anything I can do let me know,  you know I don't live far... even if it's just making a quik meal, shopping whatever.  I know you are going to be home with her during her recovery, and you probrably won't feel like doing mch but holding her.  B strong! I am praying for ya!

[ShellyABean]

Apr. 29, 2009 at 11:06 AM

I cannot imagine  how hard that has to be.  Savannah falls down and gets a boo boo and I feel terrible...but surgery - I can't even come to understand how I would feel. 

Hope all goes well (and I'm sure it will).  Stay positive and calm - and all will work out.

On another note - we may head to the park after Savannah's Drs appt this afternoon (1:45) - she has a yeasty rash - so nothing contagious...maybe we'll run into you there!