Does Intervention work?

[jsbenkert]

Yes, I've watched bits of the A&E show.  I can't say why--I guess there's a bit of voyeur in most of us, though I'm loathe to admit it.  Truthfully, though, I'm looking more for clues as to why anyone would bare such intimate and painful moments for anyone to watch (at least, anyone with cable). 

Right now, though, I'm wishing I'd paid more attention, voyeuristic or not.  I have a brother, we'll call him Todd, who seems to be on the path of self-destruction, and my family is considering an intervention of its own.  Todd, who is going through a divorce, had gone through rehab several years ago for alcoholism.  He has two children,16 and 14 years of age.  One evening when he was scheduled to have the kids, he came home at about 7:30 in the evening, stumbling through the door, couldn't stand up, and ended up throwing up.  It scared his daughter, who then called her mother.  She in turn called our parents--basically to say "I told you so".  She came to pick up the kids and take them to her apartment--didn't bother to check on her soon-to-be-ex, the father of her children who, for all she knew, could have died from alcohol poisoning.

My parents tried frantically to reach him, but he didn't answer his phone.  So, they got in touch with a friend who went to check on him (Todd has no family living nearby--we are all at least a couple of states away).  The friend said that he didn't detect any alcohol on him, but couldn't say for certain (also, he found him several hours after my SIL called my parents).  When my parents finally did speak with Todd, he told them that, no, he hadn't been drinking, but had an allergic reaction to something and took some Benadryl which caused a worse reaction.  I know that he has developed a keen mechanism to lie to cover up his problem.  I've seen it too many times before.

Months ago, when this divorce business was in its early stages, my SIL told me that my brother had begun drinking again.  I was alarmed and called my parents to talk with them about it.  There is such animosity between my parents and my SIL that they refused to believe anything that she had to say.  I, however, did believe it enough to contact a drug and alcohol counseling center in my area to ask what I, as his sister, could do.  They said that there wasn't much beyond a confrontation, and that he would probably just have to hit rock bottom again before he'd be willing to seek help.  In the meantime, I am just supposed to sit by (long-distance) and watch him self-destruct, and hope that he doesn't kill himself or anyone else while driving under the influence. 

Now, however, my parents are coming to accept that there may be a problem and are considering an intervention sometime this summer.  They have a summer place not too far from where he lives and they want me to come up and participate.  I will do my best, but this seems so surreal to me that I can't imagine going through this.  What are the chances that it could really work?  What kind of evidence do we need to have on hand to show him that we know that he has a problem, especially when none of us are near enough to have witnessed it personally?  How do you make someone seek help when he won't admit that he has a problem?

He is a good guy.  He loves his kids.  He is so intelligent and has so much to lose.  It never fails to surprise me the number of bright, wonderful people who fall into this sort of problem.  It just doesn't seem possible that someone who is so intelligent, so caring, so deserving of a good life could fall into the trap of alcoholism--especially when he's already been down this path, hit the bottom and went through the rigors of on-site treatment.  How could he let this happen again?  

[cleanaturalady]

Apr. 30, 2009 at 9:31 AM

I have watched that show on A&E before too and have always marveled at how people could expose such a painful and destructive part of their lives.  The addict doesn't know that an intervention is in the workings when they agree to be filmed on drug and alcohol binges and such.  It is the most painful show I have ever watched.  Heart and gut wrenching for sure.

My advice to you would be not to do the intervention on your own, but to have a professional help you through the process with your brother.

I really hope you can get him to see he needs help and that he will willingly go to treatment.

[emandnsmom]

Apr. 30, 2009 at 9:41 AM

Hi, my name is Donna. I've been through 2 of my brothers having drug and alcohol addictions. The older of the two, won the battle over his addiction. The younger of the two, Aaron, who wasn't quite 2 yrs. older than me, lost his battle, in 1996. He committed suicide due to the addiction to alcohol and drugs. He was also a very bright man, who could've had the world at his feet, but his personal demons won. In my experience if they do not freely admit, in other words, truly beg for help, THEMSELVES, treatment will NOT work. My brother was put into 2 seperate rehabs, which financially and emotionally drained my parents, and treatment didn't work either time, because, to him he did not have a problem. I wish you and your family good luck and hopefully, he can see that his drinking is problem and recieve help.

God Bless to you and yours...

[Greenspade13]

Apr. 30, 2009 at 9:45 AM

I must agree.  Please don't try to do this on your own.  It is worth it but tricky if not done correctly.  There has to be an outsider there to lead the group.  He will feel ganged up on, he will be resentful but his behavior is a cry for help. 

There has to be serious consequences that you must follow through with or it won't work.  He has to hear how much it is hurting you to see him that way.  You will need to bare your true feelings--which isn't an easy task.

Hopefully it will work.  If your family is at the point of this has to happen then you should do it.  He has to know he is worthwhile, he is loved and he is hurting everyone in his life, as well as, himself.

Please dont' try on your own.  Ask your doctor for referral, seek help from your health department or if there is a mental health facility in your town (or the town he lives in).

Good luck