My 30s crisis

[Jezzabelle718]

So I think i'm having a 30s crisis.  I've always been very driven and ambitious when it comes to my career.  I've tried my hardest to not let Luke's disability slow me down career wise.  Not because its been an easy road, but I just figured that I would be able to provide more for him (and Sophie) down the road if I didn't go the SSI stay at home route. 

But I've been having some issues at work.  The firm I work for is a VERY high pressure environment.  That used to be how I thrived.  But lately I'm just ready to throw in the towel.  My boss's "issues" are out of control and I'm tired of dealing with that.  Then to come home to 2 kids that are both in challenging stages of their development...and have no back up support at all.  And for what?  To end up on klonopin for panic attacks?  To get home and be so tired at times that I can barely get through reading my kids a few books?  I feel like I'm losing myself to stress.  I'm seriously thinking about just quitting my job and getting Luke on SSI and saying screw it and just being a SAH welfare mom.  That's so not me but I'm really tired of the constant battle between work and the kids.  My kids are 100% more imporant than any job, but my job allows me to provide really well for them.  I mean, never did I think that I would be able to give my kids what I have given them without having a partner.  I mean we aren't balling by far lol but still, it feels good to know that I can do it.  Am I ready to give that up?  Looking for another job right now really isn't likely with the state of our local economy. 

So what do I do.  Keep the job and the stress and the financial stability?  Or give that up to scrape by but enjoy having more time with my kids, and then stress over money instead of stressing over a job?  I just dont know.  I seriously think part of this sudden "what do I do with my life" is cuz of my age.  At least I hope lol cuz I'm not used to being this indecisive with things.

[gamom36]

May. 12, 2009 at 9:48 PM

Awww sweetie I could just cry a river for you! My heart just aches for you so badly that I wish I could just shake some damn sense in that man! You know I am always here for you anytime day or night! Hugs n love!