I'll try to make this as short and to the point as possible.  I have a dilemma that involves my family and I'm unsure what the best solution is.

Here is the situation

I have a sixteen year old brother who is making terrible choices. My mother and stepfather are not bad parents all together but they have a lot of issues. The main one being they have a rocky marriage and due to that my brother has often been the victim of their self centeredness.  They completely ignore him and his behavior or they overreact.  Thier is no middle ground.  It has always been this way. 

Well Friday night he got pulled over for reckless driving.  His friends that were in the truck with him bailed out and ran.  They had alcohol, cigars, and pot in the vehicle.  My brother did not run and he cooperated with the officer.  The officer ended up only giving him a ticket for  possession of drugs.  Which is still a big deal but a lot less than the officer could have done. He has to go to court in about a month after that he wants to move into my house for a while.

 My mother is in complete denial and blames the friends.  Even though this is not the first time my brother has been caught with pot.  My older sister and brother in law actually caught him when they were home recently. My mother and stepfather did nothing.  They wouldn't even talk to him about it.

He does talk to me and my other siblings.  That's why he wants to come here, because he enjoys it her. He likes going to church with us and he sees a "normal" family without drama when he is here.

I have already had to play mother to another one of my brothers who was injured in Iraq and suffers from PTSD.  He tried to kill himself one night and instead of my mother stepping up my older sister and I had to. She went and got him out of the hospital and brought him here.  I got him enrolled in the VA and he got counseling for the PTSD and his disability benefits.  He is no longer living with me so I could take in my youngest brother but I'm not sure if I should continue to play parent to my younger brothers.

I try to avoid the drama with my mother in regards to her marriage but I feel like someone has to step up for my brother. Ultimatly he is responsible for the bad choices he is making but he doesn't have any guidance.  He is not a bad kid he's just making stupid decisions and they allow him to do whatever he wants.  They are completly wrapped up in themselves. My mother just finished chemo and radiation for breast cancer and during the whole thing her only thoughts were "what this was doing to her".  He was more alone than ever this past year because of this.  Now he is seriously acting out. 

I just don't know what to do.  I have had him here several times for short periods of time. So has my older sister. He is not like this when he is with us. He is so lonely it breaks my heart.  I want to help him but not at the expense of my family.  I also don't want to make it this easy for my mom again. 


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May. 4, 2009 at 11:41 AM

Forget about "making it easy for your Mom" and do what's right for your brother before something happens and you loose him.

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May. 4, 2009 at 8:58 PM

Take him. Any drama from your mom will pass. Damage caused in such a childhood is much harder to erase. It sounds like being with you has and does work. It's in his best interest. Him staying with you won't hurt anyone. It might upset your mom, but there are more important things to worry about. I'm thinking of taking in my teen siblings as well. It's not ideal, but we just have to think about what helps the kids.

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