Health Issues with Step Kids?

[Vanessannd]

I was asked a question in regards to an answer I gave. The question was similar to this:

My question is, do you think that her medical issues are more related to her mother than real medical issues?  I know you mentioned in your post that some medical things can have to do with stress about family.  Do you think if she is having more medical problems there that it is saying something about what we do? 

I wanted to share my answers with other Step Parents who also deal with this. Please leave me your comments. Also Birth Moms, let me know about your situation when your DD or DS comes to see you after visiting with there Dad. I can only speak from my personal exprience. Keep in mind I have to deal with a Bi-Polar BM who is off her meds most of the time.  (The older two BM we have custody of and have no issues with her, we are good friends now. )

Yes I think her medical issues are more related to her BM. and Stress her BM is causing her. She has little to know issues while she is with you and her dad because you two provide a stable environment for her. A secure family unit.  Meanwhile with her mom, especially if she is dating, she might feel like an outsider, and feel like things can change at any time. At your house she knows nothing will change. Just make sure she knows how much you love her.

 I feel for you. I do. I know how you feel and what you are going though.

I believe that the symptoms she comes up with are symptoms she gets from her mother. My SD would say her tummy heart at her moms, but here was always fine no problems. So BM took her to see THREE specialist and they all said the same thing- nothing was wrong with the child. Our conclusion at that time -about a year and half ago- was that crazy BM was trying to find problems with SD on her return home so that she could tell the court WE caused the ulcers and what nots. So did not work.

Now SD is 9 and she will at times complain of gassyness and heartburn, DH has very bad acid reflex and he takes meds for it, so we are thinking she just wants to like daddy. Doc told us to get the very low dose of walmart brand acid reliever and we gave it to her once a day, her bm was giving twice a day. Her last visit here last month i didn't give it to her once! she was fine, The only night she complained was one night when she talked to BM on the phone for over an hour and BM kept running off a list to her about who missed her and who kept asking when she was going home. BM also kept asking her "are you ready to come home yet" "you should be ready to come home now, you've been there a few days" "mommy needs you to come home now"  We still had three weeks visit with her left. BM tries whatever she can to manipulate the poor child. I try my HARDEST to play nice, remember keep enemies closer.  But sometimes this Bi-Polar chic is just freakin nuts. 

She takes SD to ER for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING just so she can tell people something. I know there is a term for women who do this, like an actual disorder we used it last time we went to court 1 1/2 ago.  We have tried to get full custody but because hubby can be deployed and BM has questioned my character I doubt that will happen. SD goes to year around school and is off one month every 2 - 3 months which is why we see her so much.

Anyways back to your main question, Yes stress from BM will undoubtedly contribute to SD illnesses. If not for anything else for attention. She gets attention from you and your DH. Her BM prob treats her as an inconvenience or as a roommate. So she looses the feeling of a being a kid while she is there. Last year my 8yrd SD new the inner workings of her BM relationship with a MARRIED man! Way too much info for any 8 year old! She talk to her like shes her best friend and that really messes kids up. Yes they need to be talked to with respect, but still as a child. 

Thanks for emailing me! I like to be able to talk to other step moms who understand and can relate to what I too go through. If you want to rant anymore send me another :-)

-Vanessa

www.RamblingsOFaSAHM.com

[shell81]

May. 4, 2009 at 11:43 PM

Girl feel free to come join my group HUGS

Step Moms W Bio Kids