happy birthday Korey

[princezzmommie]

Today is Korey's birthday.  Instead of picking up my phone for my yearly "I used to change your diaper and now you're all grown up" phone call, I'm here on cafemom, thinking about what I could possibly say in this journal that would do Korey proud.  I am having a hard time with this.  Not because of the essence of Korey but because of the fact that Korey is no longer here and I am still beyond pissed about it.  I don't want this post to be about how Stephan Freechoux's stupidity ended what was a bright and beautiful smile, or a kind and giving heart.  That's over, its done, and my harping on the fact that he's walking free simply because he was a cop when he slammed into Korey's truck 30 miles over the speed limit would just piss Korey off.  "Nanny," he'd say, "Let it be what it is."  And there it is.

That's what I'm going to say about Korey.  He was a young man, trapped between teenaged idiocy and timeless wisdom.  One minute Korey would be acting like some fool gangsta player and the next he'd be all zen and accepting.  It was an odd combination to find so much wisdom, so much balance in someone who was so danged (sorry, but I can't think of a politically correct way to convey this) retarded sometimes.  For instance, we once painted his toenails purple, sparkly purple at that, while he was sleeping and told him we didn't have any polish remover.  he spent the entire day in his socks because of that.  And he was mad!  Who-wee was he mad.  But when Deuce was born early, Korey only had one thing to say to me.  "Nanny,"  he said in that solemn way he had when he was about to say something either extremely simple or something completely full of shit "You just have to get through one breath at a time."

I'd heard this before from him.  The night David died, Korey, Bradley and Ciara were sleeping over at my house.  Had they not been there, I don't know how I could have made it through.  Bradley and Ciara would not let me stop talking about the good times we'd had, David and I.  And I'll remember that forever.  But it was Korey  who told me when I said "how will I get through this?"  that I would, of course, get through it, "One breath at a time." 

Korey is gone and I'll never get to know the kids he could have had or the lucky girl who would have been the love of his life.  But I know one thing bone deep.  I know what kind of man Korey would have grown up to be.  Even though he was a punk, even though he was an asshole at times, he would have grown up to be the kind of man that they just don't make anymore. 

So today, instead of being angry at that which I can not change, I'm going to follow the advice that Bradley and Ciara once gave me.  I'm going to focus on who he was and on the fact that I was extremely blessed to not only be allowed to know him and love him, but I was blessed to have been loved right back by him.  I'm not going to go out to the place where he was killed by that cop, and I'm not going to get all riled up about how he was just a sick kid driving home that fateful day.  I'm going to do what needs to be done and tonight, I'll pull out my photo albums and find the photos of Korey and I'll look through those and I'll remember Korey the way he was.  An extraordinary young man who would have grown up to become the kind of man anyone would have been proud to have known.

[barby402000]

May. 5, 2009 at 7:47 PM

You were truly blessed to have had him even if it were for a short time. I wish you peace.

[souldolphin]

May. 5, 2009 at 8:03 PM

This poem has brought some comfort to me on the nights that the loss of someone that I loved very much is hard to deal with. My hope is that it brings you a little comfort tonight

 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.