on being mommy

[rachelsmommy78]

my mom always wanted us to hold her hands.  when we were crossing the mall parking lot or standing in ankle deep ocean water, she wanted our little fingers intertwined with hers.  if we were in the grocery store, she wanted us to keep one hand on the cart at all times.  when other kids were asked to 'go and play' so their moms could have a free moment to talk with friends, my mom was pulling up extra chairs so my sister and i could sit at the table.  my mom looked forward to summer break and was bummed when we had to return to school.  it never crossed my mind as a kid, that taking care of my sister and i could be an exhausting job, one in which she never got a break from.  i never thought about the reasons behind my mother's request for hand handling in public or the fears she had about the scary world she was raising children in.

i became a mom almost a year ago.  in that moment that i pushed my daughter into the world and she took her first breath, i had no idea what being a mom was like from the parent side of the relationship.  her umbilical cord was cut, her little fingers and toes counted, her vitals recorded.  instead of comprehending that from this moment on she was no longer fully protected in my warm and safe womb, i was basking in my love for her.  this instant, intense motherly love was not something i was prepared for either.  sure, i knew moms loved their children.  i knew my mom loved me, but i had no idea how deep that love goes.  in looking at my baby, i felt that tug between our hearts.  we would forever be connected by a now intangible cord....

this past year has been amazing.  she has learned to roll over then crawl and now walk on her own.  she is curious about the world around her.  she fills her days learning about things that i have known for decades like the cat is soft, but the coffee table is hard.  rain is wet, snow is cold and sunshine is warm.  mom is always there to pick to me up when i fall... to laugh with me when i'm feeling silly.... to love me and protect me.... and to hold my hand when i need to be guided.

she will not understand until she is a mom herself, the interference that i run on a daily basis, like placing unsafe items out of her reach or walking behind as she explores so that i'm only ever a step or two away in case i'm needed.  she does not to need to know all the ways that i protect her. she only needs to know that she is safe.  when she becomes a mom herself, she will know that worrying is part of the territory.  that being a mom is a never ending job, but with the biggest rewards.  we don't have all the answers, but somehow we find our inner 'mom' strength to keep everything together for our family.

being mommy is the best gift.  it isn't easy.... it is downright hard.  moms work and sacrifice and protect everyday without thinking twice.  when my daughter smiles or giggles or reaches for me, i know that she knows that i am mommy and that my heart belongs to her.

happy mother's day to every mom.  not just on one sunday a year, but on everyday.

[angieh26]

May. 7, 2009 at 10:36 PM

Happy Mothers day. This is very beautiful!