Are you married to an alcoholic? LEAVE HIM!

[WindyTheWidow]

Yes, you should leave him.

All of our stories sound the same. No, he's not going to change. Cutting back is NOT good enough. There is no amount that's okay for an alcoholic. They cannot consume alcohol in ANY amount. Having a baby will not turn him around or make him change his ways. Nothing you can do can make a difference. He has to WANT to quit drinking. A recovered alcoholic takes an act of God, seriously. Do you want to spend the rest of your life never knowing who you are going to get when he comes home in the evening? Are you going to get sober? Tipsy? Slightly Buzzed? Mean drunk? Silly drunk? Verbally abusive drunk? Physically abusive drunk? Which version of this man will your children be seeing tonight? I know it all works out for the rare few. I lived in the fantasy land that my husband could be one of them, but then the love of my life went out and got drunk for the millionth time only this time none of the varieties of drunk came home because he smashed himself and his drunken friend into a tree and DIED, leaving me and our unborn child behind. I hope it ends well for whoever is reading this, I really do, but the reality is that it usually doesn't. I pray your husband changes, but understand that he probably won't. Leaving him will accomplish one of two things. Either you will see that he NEVER was going to change and you will move on with your life. Or he will have that much prayed for "a-ha come to Jesus" moment and he will seriously do something to change at the shock that you actually got up and left. You are Co-Dependent! You are an enabler! You are a willing victim! Go! Just go! Do what I never had the strength to do. From the mouth of a fellow co-dependent, enabling, willing victim, staying true to form....maybe, just maybe if I had actually left he would still be here and I would have my happy ending.

Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me tonight....

You wrote this post on Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:47 PM Edit Post Delete Post & Replies

 

The above is a copy of a post I made in a group that I am a member of. Most people won't tell you to leave. They will tell you it's a personal choice, but they will more than likely follow with the thought that they wish they'd left themselves. This is my not very humble opinion based upon the life I've lived. I'm sure it will fall on deaf ears or eyes, as it would've on mine had I still been married to an alcoholic instead of a widow of one. I applaud anyone who has had the strength to leave and I'm happy for those of you whose spouses have been able to overcome such a horrible, albeit self-inflicted, disease. If you would like some insight as to what your life can be like if you choose to continue living with your beloved alcoholic please visit my journal post DUIpictures.com & My Story.

 

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1424787/DUIpictures_com_My_Story

 

You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it and you can't CURE it.

[Sandy601]

May. 6, 2009 at 11:40 PM

Pardon me if this comment is uncomplete. I am on a very weak wireless signal.

Windy - you don't need to apologize at the end of that comment you left at the very top. I am one who did get out but should have gotten out much sooner than I did. People need to know the changes of him changing are slim to none. Those are the statistics and they are scary. I remember the first rehab my husband went into siad that only one in four will become sober for good. Those are slim chances and scary when you really think about it. There are a lot of addicts in our world.

To those of you hoping and praying for a miracle and it hasn't happened yet, LEAVE, if the person you are with is going to quit they will do it whether or not you are there or not and if they aren't going to change - same thing, they will or won't change. You can't control them no matter how hard you try.

 

[Psylocke]

May. 16, 2009 at 10:35 PM

My grandfather was a serious alcoholic...abuse was a prominent issue with him.  My grandma gathered up her strength and with two little girls, no means to support them (just an iron will I never knew she had until I found out about this) divorced him.  They stayed divorced for about a year when she trusted he was finally sober.  He hasn't touched alcohol in so many years, around 40, I think.

This is the first time I have ever told anyone, other than my husband.  (Helloooooo internet! lol) Leaving worked for them, maybe not everone, but getting yourself out of that situation is a big deal.  One I will hopefully never have to make.

I am sorry you had to go through such a horrible time in your life.  I wish you and your child the best of luck in everything you do.

[JaeNmissMae]

Sep. 18, 2009 at 8:47 AM

I know how you feel.  I grew up with alcoholic parents and I married an alcoholic who became emotionally and physcially abusive.  I finally left him about a year and a half ago.