My name is Laura, I am 19, and expecting my first, while my husband is gone in th army.

Before he left we had my mother and father move in with us, we were trying to help them, knowing that they were living in a trailor they could hardly afford, my mom's health is terrrible, so we offered them part of our home, and set up who was responsible for what. My husband left and everything went to hell.

I found out three days after my husband left that I was pregnant, and I am so thrilled because I was told I was infertil, so we were very excited, even though he will not be here for the pregnancy, we decided to see it through and have a little baby of our own. The first month he was gone was fine, then i made a mistake and let my mother see our account balance, since then instead of sharing the bills, i have paid everything, not just my part of it, even after I had to quit my job because stress was threatening my health and so my babys. Telemarketing not really the easiest job  stress wise. Even all that i can look past because some people have it worse then others especially with this economy.

But things just keep going, if i spend to much time in my room, she is saying i am depressed or avoiding her and she gets upset, usually i can brush this off because i am pregnant it is harder to do and my emotions are everywhere. If i go somewhere without her or go somewhere without letting her know ahead of time i am runing away from responsibilities and she gets upset again. She is constantly handing me information or telling me different things about depression after i have the baby and telling me that since i am easily upset now that when i have the baby she thinks i will have problems with wanting to keep going. I know it is a risk but this is a child i am lookig forwayr to and it hurts to know that my mother thinks that.

I can not get her not to smoke near me, i do not care if she quits but she smokes a pack a day and like i said before if i spend too much time in another room she says i am avoiding her, if i say somthing about the cigarettes she tells me second hand does not do anything. And  I do not know what to say, she is my mother and when i go to say anything i get a lecture about her failing health and how i need to respect her before something happens, and if i can not respect her how cann i be a good mother, and i just dont know how to say anything to her or my father and just want other opinions to figure out what to do, or if tis is just me over reacting, i depended a lot on my husband for that and i have not gotten to talk to him in weeks.

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May. 7, 2009 at 1:21 AM

oh honey, I hope it gets better soon!  My mother used to control me like that but you really do need to put your foot down other wise she will keep doing this.  You don't have to and shouldn't tolerate this she is the one who is out of line and not respecting you, she needs to see youre an adult now and she is in YOUR home not hers.  Sometimes moms forget the age of their offspring (lol) and treat them like their 5 when in reality their 25 lol!  Good luck and remember you wont earn her respect overnight its a slow lond process but work consistently on putting your foot down without being nasty and remember you have that right youre not doing anything wrong.  She needs to learn to respect you and your unborn child and she certainly isn't doing that especially if she's smoking in front of you and in your home, dont let her get away with that.  She is putting your baby and you at risk!

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May. 7, 2009 at 5:49 PM

I'm sorry! :( Touchy situation...but even though it is your parents (your Mom) have to let her know you all have helped all you can and now that you are expecting you need your home back. Give them 30 or 60 days and tell them they need to find someplace new to live. You can even help them find housing...if they are older there may be some programs available to help them...check with Social Services. YOU are NOT responsible for taking care of your parents! And...tell her she CAN'T smoke in the house AT ALL (if need be tell her your Doc said so)! If you don't take a stand they will be there when the baby arrives and when your DH comes home...not cool. And, along the way you will continue to lose money and yourself. You don't have to make "kicking them out" a "bad" thing...just let them know it isn't working and you are willing to help them find something else. GOOD LUCK!!

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