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Depression
- May 7, 2009 at 11:40 PM
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- Comments (2) Total Views (65) Everyone can see this journal post.
Depression. It's an ugly little word. It's the family curse, and it looks like it has struck again. My grandmother suffered a nervous breakdown sometime in her 30s and was institutionalized for several months. She has suffered from bouts of depression ever since. My uncle tried to commit suicide several years ago. Luckily, he was unsuccessful. Several of my cousins are in therapy and on antidepressents. My sister had a suicide attempt last summer and after spending a week in the ICU spent 2 weeks inpatient at the psychiatric center. I myself, although never officially diagnosed have dealt with depression for a great deal of my life. My teen years I would often get depressed, and my late teens and early 20's were filled with depression, suicidal thoughts and drug use. I was never able to talk to my mother about any of it because as a teen herself, she had to deal with my grandmothers depression and holds great resentment towards her for it. My mom was the oldest, and while grandma was institutionalized my mother was stuck at home taking care of the family. She doesn't believe depression is real, she thinks that it is a "mind over matter thing." Now, it's hit my family again. This time, my nearly 7 year old son. The past few months his behavior has gotten worse and worse to the point of complete anger and rage. He goes off at almost anything, screaming and yelling and saying mean, hateful things to me. Well tonight I finally realized what is going on with my son. After one of his episodes, I asked him, what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? He just started bawling and said "I don't know!" After holding him and talking to him he finally told me "I miss daddy". His dad of course is in the military and has been gone more than he's been home for the past 4 years. He is currently gone again, this time at a training school in Virginia. He's been coming home on weekends every couple of weeks, but I think the inconsistency has been really hard on the kids. I never realized just how much it was affecting my son until tonight. I just held him while he cried himself to sleep. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I feel so helpless. I want so much to be able to take that pain away from him, but I can't. I then felt so guilty for all the times I have been so mad at him when he was acting out. I never realized what was really going on with him. I think he is really depressed and he doesn't know how to handle it, and acting out is a way for him to maybe release some of his feelings? I am just aching for him and don't know what to do. All I could do was to tell him how much mommy and daddy love him and that I will always be here for him and ensure him that I'm not going anywhere. I also tried to tell him that his daddy didn't leave because he doesn't love him and that he wants to be here with us just as much as we want him here, but his job doesn't allow it right now. I love my baby so much, I hate, hate, hate that he is having to deal with this. The one thing that I am doing that I hope will help is getting him in therapy. He has an appointment next week. I don't know what else I can do.
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Hang in there it's very hard especially to see your kids suffering your doing the right thing.**HUGS**
- jgal29
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