I didn't realize that I would still have a hard time this time of year.  I figured that I kept my baby, so everything should be fine.  Instead, I've been on the verge of tears for the last 2 days.  I couldn't even spend my baby's birthday with him like I planned.  I ended up taking him to daycare and going in to work.  I haven't wanted to be alone and I cry when I am.  I didn't expect this bout of depression or emotions or whatever it is. 

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May. 9, 2009 at 12:39 AM

Honey, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I paged back through several of your journal entries and I see that it's been a very difficult prior year for you. And what a shitbag your baby's father is. I read the journal that quoted his arrogant, self-serving and "blame everyone else in sight" sorry excuses for himself. What a low-life he is.

Myself, I'd be looking for a job in a different town and just move away from the slimeball. To the other side of the state, in fact. Or perhaps even to a different state.

I'm sure your grief right now is from all the crap you've been through in the last year, your son's birthday and the quiet thought that all of this is certainly not what you expected to go through. This is not what you planned.

Do you belong to a church? You can find a great deal of good emotional support and often other, more tangible forms of support (like perhaps help with day care) through a good church that understands its role in the world. I'm not saying that belonging to a church is a fix-all, but if it's a good church, the people will help you in whatever ways they can, and that can make a tremendous difference.

Message me, dear, if you need ideas or just a kind word or two.

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