Happy Mother's Day Dad.....with love, your daughter

[catgirl]

Dear Dad,

Thank you for wanting us to live with you when our mother didn't want us. Thank you for being the best dad a girl could ever want.

I think about you alot, but always more when Mother's Day is coming. You know that I wasn't close to my step-mom, because the woman was selfish and cared more about herself than us. You were more of a father to her daughter than she was a mother to her own child.

I've been thinking about my favorite memories of you and I. I remember going to restaurants with you that were pretty ratty on the outside, but the food was the best. I remember starting my period for the first time and wondering how I was going to tell you I needed money to go to the store. I think you knew what was going on, because you handed me the money without asking why. I remember when you were teaching me to drive and being so calm, but constantly pressing on the imaginary break pedal. I remember you telling me that anyone I dated could not honk outside the house. They had to come inside and meet you. You always told me if they had a weak or strong handshake. I remember getting ready to go out to a club with my friends. You knocked on my door and said you wanted to talk to me at the diningroom table (always the diningroom table for talks). You had a beer for each of us on the table and all you said was "if you're not coming home, then call me so I don't have to worry." I was rather surprised that someone with your old fashioned values would be so open about your daughter not coming home. I honored your request each time. My last memory that I thought of today was that even though you were not demonstrative in your affection for us, I always felt loved. I remember it was my birthday and I was about 27 and I sat at the diningroom table (again) with you. You handed me a card that you picked out yourself. I opened it and it had $100 in it. You stood up and kissed me on the cheek and said I love you. I would rather have that kiss than the $100.

My world was crushed when you died. I remember thinking that it wasn't true. I wish I would have talked to you for hours the night before you died. I wish I would have been there to save you. I wish I would have kissed your cheek and told you I loved you. I felt as though my rock, my hero and my confidant and my guiding light had abandoned me.

Matthew turned 2 a month after you died. I remember hanging up the decorations for his party and a feeling came over me. I stopped what I was doing and said "you can come dad." I wish you would have lived to see your grandchildren turn into adults. Matthew is 17 and on his way to adulthood. I wish you could have lived to see your great-grandson. He has your middle name in honor of you. He's a great little boy and I'm sure you would have taught him how to do raspberries just like you did your grandchildren. I showed Matthew the video tapes when you played Santa on every Christmas Eve so he would know what you looked like. I told him stories and continue to talk about you to him.

I remember you telling me when I was a teen-ager that I should call my mom. I told you no each time you mentioned it. After you died, I found her and talked to her about four or five times. One day her daughter got on the other phone and told me what a bad person you were. I told her off and when my mom apologized, I told her that she was the one who told her daughter everything. I hung up and didn't call her again for 15 years. Well dad, about two weeks ago, I got in touch with her again. We talked on the phone and I let her daughter know what I thought about her and what she said about you. Her daughter told me that she didn't remember it and that when she was a different person and apologized. When mom and I were ending the conversation, she said "I love you." Dad, I couldn't say it back to her, because I don't love her and can't say what I don't feel. Maybe her and I can work on a relationship and maybe I will grow to love her.

I will not be mailing Mother's Day cards to mom or step-mom. They have never been a mother to me. You might not approve, but you taught me to be honest to myself.

So dad, I am wishing you a Happy Mother's Day because you have my love, my respect, my smiles and my tears. You were my world and I sure could use a kiss right now and hear you say I love you.

I love you always Dad.

 

 

[badlandsgirl]

May. 10, 2009 at 9:00 AM

Happy Mother's Day to you and your Dad. What a powerful and moving tribute to your dad.  I am sitting here with tears running down my face thinking of my own mom and how much I miss her.  I hope you have a great day and know that you are loved.

[mimitothree]

May. 10, 2009 at 3:50 PM

What loving things to say about your Dad.  I think he is with you this Mother's Day being the mother and father he was to you..  God Bless.

[catgirl]

May. 10, 2009 at 4:47 PM

Thank you Cindy and Carol for your kind comments.

(Original Poster)

[emhain]

May. 10, 2009 at 7:52 PM

This is beautiful. Just beautiful. I was raised by a single dad too. And, like you, my world is separated into the "before" and "after" of the day he died. This is a beautiful letter. Thank you.

[LiliM]

May. 10, 2009 at 9:04 PM

What a great post.  Thank you for sharing.  Just because one does not have a "mom" in their lives does not mean you never experienced mothering.  Sounds like you dad made up for both of the lacking women in your life.

[Madster5]

May. 10, 2009 at 10:26 PM

This story is so touching to me. Because i would've died for my father to even give three flying frogs about me... I've always wanted a father that was there thru my ups and downs. I'm soooo glad to read things like this story. It makes me feel like man there father's out there that are really awesome. And you dad was one... Very beautiful story

[catgirl]

May. 10, 2009 at 11:27 PM

Thank you ladies for replying to my journal.

(Original Poster)

[treesx4]

May. 10, 2009 at 11:51 PM

THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR BEAUTIFUL LETTER!

[catgirl]

May. 11, 2009 at 12:16 AM

Thank you for your kind comment.

(Original Poster)

[tracy171]

May. 11, 2009 at 5:11 AM

this is beautiful,u have been very lucky to had a dad like that