My Mothers Day 2009

[rainfalls]

 Yesterday, all day, I was absolutely terrified to go home.  I was planning going home Saturday night so that I could sleep in instead of having to get up early to drive all the way home (I'm an hour away), but my anxiety was so high that I chickened out and stayed home.  I just kept getting this sick feeling in my stomach; I was terrified to go home. 

Last year, I had really just started my grieving process and was a mess.  I didn't want to go home at all because of what was happening between my folks and I.  Just a short recap: They were treating me horribly (I'm sure most of you remember).  Anyway, I remember I had decided to call my mom and wish her a happy mothers day, and after talking for a couple minutes she says, "Oh, do I wish you a happy mother's day?" And then starts laughing like it was a joke.  I don't remember what I said, but I remember it stung.

Anyway, Saturday night I had a 'mini breakdown.'  I had no idea how I was going to survive Mother's Day alone... So I got up today morning bright and early, forced myself out of bed, and headed home.  When I got there, my little sister handed me a card with her's and my dad's voice saying "Happy Mother's Day!"  In the card my sister wrote "Happy Mother's Day ****!  You deserve this day to be a great day! I love you with all my heart." And my dad, "Happy Mom's Day!  You are still a mom, so celebrate. Love, Dad."  I about cried when I read that.. then the card played the song, "You'll be in my heart."  My mom then walks into the room where I'm chatting with my sister and says, "You have a card out in the dining area."  So I walk out there and my son walks towards me and hands me a card. It reads, "**** If (with Friends scratched out) Tummy Mommies were flowers, I'd pick you. Happy Tummy Mum Day! Love, Scribbles (E).

It was just the sweetest thing!  I absolutely loved it!  It would have been nice to be recognized as "mom," or least have it be a real mothers day card, but I'll definitely settle for Tummy Mommy!  I have never been recognized as anyone but, "A***."  I just loved it... plus both sets of my parents gave me money!  Which every college student is DYING of!! My baby sister then came out and told me, "Happy Mother's Day A***."  It was so incredibly sweet.  She's always telling E that I'm his "other mom," and that he grew in my belly.  She is such a sweetheart.  Of all the people of my family and friends she is always reminding me that I'm a part of him.

The rest of the day consisted of me playing with E and my baby sister (who's 5) in their new sandbox my step-dad built for them, and I taught them (tried to) how to play softball!  It was a lot of fun!  They used tennis rackets, and stuffed animals as bases, haha.. it was cute.  Then it was time for me to leave...

It's been almost five hours since I left and I'm still on cloud 9.  I had a fantastic time with my little ones and my family.  I just wish all of you ladies had the same opportunity that I did today.  I am very fortunate.  It's times like these that makes me happy that I did in the end chose my parents, even though of my past/present relationship with them.  I asked them, because there was no way I would have been able to handle not being a part of his life.  I wanted him so much, and still do. I don't know how you ladies do it!  I barely survive not being able to see him for a month! The only thing I had a hard time with today was not being able to take him home with me, but that's how I feel every time I do have to leave.  It's absolute torture.. but I'm keeping my thoughts on the bright side, and with all of you! 

Anyway, I hope all of you had a good day, and remember you all DESERVE to celebrate this day!  We ARE MOTHER's, my stretch marks and motherly instincts say so!

I will rest easy tonight...

[Jacemom]

May. 10, 2009 at 10:06 PM

OHHH My Sweet A*** I am sooooo HAPPY  for you!!! I am screaming for joy. I am so glad that she was kind to you today and that you were recognized on Mothers Day. This is a step forward to your future embrace it.

 

[Lb128f]

May. 10, 2009 at 10:19 PM

Beautiful!! It's great that you had a good Mother's Day...you deserve it...after all -- if it weren't for YOU...YOUR little guy wouldn't be here! I am so happy that everyone embraced you as MOM and that you had a great time visiting! YAY!! :-) I hope you have many more days like this one!

[mambahowell]

May. 11, 2009 at 4:35 AM

I'm so glad your day turned out to be a good one and that they gave you recognition you deserve!

[PortAngeles1969]

May. 11, 2009 at 10:30 AM

Yippeeee!!!!  Here's E & your little sis just bouncin' you all the way to happy town :)