This maybe long but i don't really have any friends that i can talk to about this and i can't really talk to my family about it either. So i feel like i need to share with someone.  Anyways. My parents divorced when i was 6. My dad was abusive to my mom and half brother and sister. So when my parents divorced my mom fought to have all rights to her and none to my dad. I guess that there was a time when he had some rights but he told me it was taken from him when he tried to protect us and once he made a slip. So anyways i grew up with really no memory of my dad and the feelings he was a bad man and didn't really care about me at all. I never recieved any gifts from him. It never bothered me until i got old enough to know and understand. I have probably seen him no more than 7 times since i was 6 and i am now 21. Well about a month ago i ran into him at the movie theater he was with some of his friends and we talked for a min and my husband got his number.  I really was shocked and really didn't even know what happend and didn't really want his number. My husband just asked me questions like don't u want your kids to know your dad and how would u feel if your dad died and u didn't even know him or tried to get to know him. He asked that question because my mom and dad are about 16 years apart. So his number has been haunting me since i got it and so yesterday morning i called him and i got all the courage him my heart to invite him to mothers day dinner. I really didn't think he was going to come he really didn't know if he could come. But Surprisingly he came. It went pretty well. I feel better about myself and hope that i may get to know my father. we talked about alot of things and some i am so confused to know if its true. LIke he said i know your probably wondering why i never sent u any gifts and he told me the courts told him he couldn't send any because he didn't have any rights to see us. They said he could give us gifts but the social workers would have to give it to us and it wouldn't really be from him. I am really confused about that would the judge and social workers really do that to a dad and his kids. He told me lots of things that i am afraid to believe i guess mainly because i grew up to know only one side of the story. But i am also afraid he is lieing to me to make it seem like he does care and that he really wanted us. He seems like a really nice guy and everything. But how do u really know when u don't remember.

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May. 11, 2009 at 12:37 PM

Wow, what a situation!  I have never met my Dad, he left my mom before I was born and I always wish that I could meet him.  I know it's hard to let the past be in the past but maybe you could let the ball be in his court so to speak....if he wants to pursue a relationship with you and your family be open to it and try to move forward with optimism!  I truly hope that you are able to have a healthy relationship with him!!!!  Take care =)

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May. 11, 2009 at 12:41 PM

Follow your heart & your instincts.  Divorce often breeds bitterness & the children are too often the ones who pay the price.  If you choose to develop a relationship with your Dad, that is up to you - keep in mind that you can't regain those years & it'll be really hard to know who is telling the truth about the past.  The present & future are more important.  Hugs!

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May. 11, 2009 at 12:46 PM

I think it's great that you opened your heart and invited him over. No matter how it turns know that you tried. And, as an adult it is good that you are willing to accept the fact that he is human and "we" all make mistakes. I hope he will be honest and answer any and all questions you have regarding your past...but, once answered I hope you can put that behind you and start a new relationship with your Dad. Maybe he signed over rights to you all (the children) to your Mom..if so, he would have had no legal right to contact you. IDK? I hope you get the answers you need. If things work out I am sure it will be nice to have one more person to care and love you and your children, good luck!

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