Rant: So Frustrated

[Mantidae]

Today has taken a downturn, and, at this moment, I feel on
the verge of a breakdown of some sort. I'm familiar with
the feeling. I know it will pass soon, possibly by the time
I finish writing this (ahhh, the therapy of venting). But
at this particular moment I want to cry or scream or tear
through a piece of leather with my teeth.

It was a nice day, work was stressful - got an unexpected
motion on one of my cases, but I had a handle on it. I cut
out at lunch to go to yoga (yay, I've missed yoga), and met
the hubs for some chow. That's about when the downturn
happened. Apparently, Kenzie's biological mother, TS, is
being difficult. Again. And again.

I have been looking into officially adopting Kenzie for some
time, and when TS called freaking out a couple weeks ago
because her state finally came after her for child support
(she hasn't paid it in YEARS), and she offered to sign over
"full custody," as she put it, if Chris would surrender the
right to child support.

So we started looking into filing the adoption petition -
the only way for TS to be legally relieved of her child
support obligation. And, much more importantly, the only
way to guarantee that if anything were to happen to Chris,
Kenzie would stay with me (one of my biggest fears is
something happening to him and the Hell that would ensure
over K's custody after that).

We had discussed doing it in the most peaceable way
possible, and, of course, working visitation for TS into the
agreement. While TS tends to be very difficult about
visitation (last year she asked us to bring her late and
take her back FOUR WEEKS early - all at our expense, of
course, because TS is completely unwilling to shoulder any
of the SIGNIFICANT costs of ensuring she sees K at least
once a year, plus she refuses to put her in a decent
daycare, feed her anything but fast food and spaghetti O's,
or do any sort of educational activities with her), we still
have no desire at all to exclude her from Kenzie's life.
Even though I am, for all intents and purposes, morally,
emotionally, intellectually, and in action, Kenzie's mother,
TS still has a bio connection to her, and K still knows who
she is, so we would not dream of trying to keep them apart.
As a matter of fact, we're the main proponents of visitation
because we want to ensure that Kenzie never feels as though
she was abandoned (even if she sort of was) or as though we
tried to keep her from seeing TS - because we never would!

I truly believe that this adoption is the very best route
for all four of us. It establishes legal rights to Kenzie
that I need for my peace of mind in the future (plus, TS has
openly stated that if anything happens to Chris, she knows
it would be best for Kenzie to stay with me). It would
relieve TS of the child support she works so very hard to
dodge. And it would still allow TS to visit with K, but
without all the other hassles of custody agreements and
child support.

Kenzie would never have to be dragged through custody
proceedings again, and would never risk having her world as
she has always known it end completely if anything happens
to Chris. The adoption could be done quietly and
peacefully, and in the end, especially as young as she is,
Kenzie wouldn't know the difference because NOTHING would
change. She'd still live with us. She'd still see TS. And
we still would not receive child support.

TS, of course, today, freaked out and decided she is NOT
going to consent to the adoption. This what she wants and
believes she should get (because it's all about her and her
selfish desires - she's completely ignoring that this would
be bad for Kenzie): she wants to give Chris "full custody,"
effectively not changing anything as far as the current
custody agreement, and she wants Chris to release her from
all child support obligations, past, present, and future.
Plus, she still wants visitation, and she's hinting that she
still wants us to pay for all the transportation, as we have
been for years. Yea, that all sounds really reasonable -
and it really sounds like she cares about how it affects
Kenzie at all. Ridiculous.

I'm so insanely frustrated right now, and my hackles are
right on end because I sense that this is somehow going to
end up blowing up in Kenzie's face. She's supposed to see
TS in July, and TS ALWAYS lays all her problems on that poor
little girl and tries to make her feel bad and guilty for
loving me. I have always told K that she is lucky to have
two mommies and that she can love us both as much as she
wants (like loving both dogs, or loving both "grandma" and
"Nan"). TS does not feel that way. Even though she's
unwilling to care for Kenzie, she still doesn't want Kenzie
to love either of us.

And I know that if we go forward with the adoption and TS
contests it, we'll still succeed because it is unequivocally
in Kenzie's best interests, and TS has never shown any
interest in parenting beyond treating Kenzie like a dress-up
toy or something to use to get attention. She has never
shown any interest in her education, her emotional well
being, her financial well being, or her spiritual well
being. She has even gone so far as to take all the money
out of her piggybank when Kenzie was visiting her, and tell
her that all the people where we live "are bad people, like
the villains in the movies."

But I DON'T want to go forward with the contested adoption
because I'm afraid of the affect it might have on Kenzie.
I'm right there, ready to fight tooth and nail for her, but
I don't want her to have to be subject to it.

DAMNIT!!! Why can't this woman just see reason?! Consent
to the adoption, and you get everything you want: You get
to see K, and you no longer have to pay child support.
Yippee. It's exactly what you want!!! But she's so effing
obsessed with making drama and being angry that she doesn't
care about reason or what's best for Kenzie. She wants what
she wants and that's all there is to it. AARRRRGG!

I need to go for a walk, or call Mandy, or meditate, or
something to calm down, but I have too much work to finish
before the COB, because, dangit, I am leaving on time today.
I need to be home with my family.

Marine.  Lawyer.  Mommy.  Wife.  I have an opinion on everything:

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