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One year later
- May 15, 2009 at 11:54 PM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (452) Everyone can see this journal post.
One year has gone by since my life has changed dramatically. Last year at this time I was standing in my local ER praying to God my seven month old son would survive. Touching his icy skin watching the doctors and nurses work on his lifeless body. A barrage of questions from the staff I cannot answer, I was not the one that brought him to the hospital. I was clueless, convinced it had to be genetic, whatever may be going on. The babysitter had nothing helpful to diagnose his symptoms. "He was laying on the floor drinking a bottle, his hands flew up and his eyes rolled back, one of the nurses thinks he may of had a seizure." One of many to overcome over the course of this year. But it was not genetics, it could never happen to me. I'm an educated, child loving, want-to-be educator. I chose a home daycare instead of a more formal one. I wanted my son to have one on one attention I did not think he'd get from your traditional daycare. If I could only go back in time. I'd a quit my job and my son would be walking up to me asking for a bowl of cereal today. Instead he lay in his bed the majority of the morning still sleeping, tired from his seizure meds. While an Enteralite Infinity pump pushes food in to his belly 18 hours a day. He cannot tell me "Mommy, it hurts" or "Mommy, I feel funny," he can only cry to try to get his point across. I'll never know what he could've been. He had so much promise. I was cheated out of the healthy baby I birthed just months before. I am still struggling to understand how God works but I believe he will guide us. My son is still with me today and that I will always be thankful for no matter how hard the day may be. I would never give up the child my son has become, I only still travail with how to mourn the son that I have lost. 
Comments:
They diagnosed him with a non-accidental traumatic brain injury, some have called it Shaken baby but I did not witness what happened to him. If I had witnessed it I would probably be in prison today. But I'm glad I can be free to make sure my son gets the care he needs and to make sure no one will ever hurt him again.
poor little guy and poor mom. Someone should shake the babysitter untill her brain rattles around and she has to be tube fed. It is NEVER Ok to hurt a child like that.
I'm so sorry for you, I will keep you and my family in my prayers. When I read the first sentence of your journal, it reminded me of my own in 2005. My husband and I found our 7 mos old baby girl lifeless as well. She had died in her sleep. I know your situation is extremely difficult, and I know your grateful you still have your son, but I would urge you next time you hold your son, and your feeling badly about the way things turned out,. just focus on his warm skin, the weight of his body,. his smell, his sweet breathing, touch his hair and skin,. and take a moment to really feel what an awesome thing al those things are, and forget what they are not. Feel free to read my family's story at her website. www.mira-lee.memory-of.com
I can't imagine what you have gone through. You are a strong woman. I know you've heard it a thousand times, but you can't blame yourself. You went to work to be a good parent. This could have happened to any of us working mothers. Thank God he is still here, with you and with us.
I am so sorry that this happened to you...Some people are so awful...how can anyone hurt an innocent child...ughhh. So, did the babysitter go to jail?
Nothing can be done unless she confesses. There wasn't enough evidence and she is still watching children as far as I know. I saw her maybe 3 months ago at our doctor's office. She has a 5 year old who is seen by a different doctor in the practice. She didn't see us and I don't want her to know how well he is doing, I was so afraid if she acknowledge me I'd fly off the handle at her. As soon as I recognized her I turned around and we missed his well check, which was hard as hell to reschedule.
I'm so sorry for your baby. I'm glad he's doing better.
I am sorry for what your going through.
I am so sorry. That sitter.. only God knows is she did shake your baby..but be assured that if she did, she has not escaped and her punishment will be much greater than you can imagine if God does not forgive her for it. I know it's hard to understand why God has chosen this fate for you for your child, but know in it there is relief, their is reward for both you and him. The knowledge of Why, is truly with God ...enjoy the son you do have..and know that what was written for your life, for his, will never surpass you and what was not written will never touch you. May God bring you peace and guidance.
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Did the hospital check your son for signs of shaken baby syndrome? You never know what babysitters or others will do to little ones these days.
- mabelsbabygirl
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