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Weight-ism in our society.
- May 17, 2009 at 1:48 AM
- By
- Comments (39) Total Views (994) Everyone can see this journal post.
Is weight-ism a word? If not, I suppose I made it up.
I went to a wedding reception with my husband tonight, for one of his cousins. I had not seen most of his family for quite some time, in fact the last time most of them saw me I weighed about 200 pounds. I now weigh 120 pounds after a year of calorie counting, healthy eating and exercising. I expected that people would comment on my weight loss, and of course I got some really nice compliments. Always appreciated because I worked hard for this, and it's nice to have someone recognize that.
But I noticed something else as well, something that I have been noticing more and more lately. People are nicer to me now that I am thin. And it's not just men. Girls who in the past have said hi to me politely and moved along all of a sudden want to be my best friend. Everyone wanted to talk to me tonight, and sit by me and so on and so forth. In fact in the past few months I've noticed an astonishing jump in the number of people who in the past haven't really seemed that interested in me or my life but who suddenly want to exchange phone numbers and get together to hang out sometime. People open doors for me a lot more than they used to, and for some reason people just seem so much friendlier.
You would think this might be nice and I suppose on some level it is. But on a much deeper level to me it's very disturbing and depressing. I am the same person that I was 80 pounds ago. Maybe not on a physical level, but my personality hasn't changed. I am still the same dorky person I was when I was fat. What in the world is wrong with our society? What has gone so horribly wrong that we as human beings could deem an overweight person not deserving of the same kindness that we would show to a thin person? See I'm not talking about getting more stares from guys here. That would make a lot more sense to me. The attention from females boggles me the most, and even from friends and family members. How could you smile at a random skinny stranger passing you in the grocery store but give a frown to an overweight one? Do people really judge their friends and family members worth by their clothing size?!
I'm just totally bumming at the superficiality of it all right now. I am the first one to advocate getting healthy and fit, because it's been a huge positive in my life. But ...I guess I'm just kind of shocked. I won't lie, physical appearance was something I looked for in a man when I was dating. You HAVE to be attracted to your spouse or significant other on some level. But friends? Family members? People I've had to deal with when I worked? Aren't those the people who we love and cherish because of who they are and not what they look like? I can't even fathom being kinder to one person over someone else just because of their size. I wonder sometimes if people even are aware that they're doing it. Whatever has happened it's just a tragedy that we can't appreciate our fellow man (and woman) for who they are and what's on the inside. Have any of you experienced anything like this?
Comments:
Oh yes this definitely exists and is super annoying. People should care about your personality and accomplishments not your weight.
Yeah, I'm up 30lbs from my pre-mommyhood weight which although isn't as much as the 80lbs you're talking about, it's a lot on a 5 foot nothing frame. And I've also noticed a difference in the way people treat me. Not my friends, my friends haven't really started treating me differently but people I just kind of know and strangers. It's just wrong.
Everything you said is so true. I am one of those people that have been treated differntly depending on my weight. Unfortunatly, I cannot keep the "skinny" look and thus have decided to focus on being healthy instead. But, it is sad and heartbreaking to get "those looks" and for people to assume that I am a slob. I wish that people would realize what they are doing to people.
Just as a side note, I have a freind that is super skinny and it is odd that she gets treated the same as me at times. It's almost like if someone isn't the "exact right weight" they get treated like crud!
I'm going to present a different theory here. Perhaps it's because people like to associate themselves with a success story. It's not that you were fat and now you're thin, it's that you accomplished something you wanted to accomplish, which is something people tend to respect and admire, especially when the accomplishment is something as complicated as a significant weight loss and associated lifestyle change.
Its true.. same thing happened to me when I lost weight. All of the sudden, people were WAY more open and nice to me. It also happened when I dyed my hair from brown/black to blonde. I dont know why it does.. but appearances still do matter in society. Even if subconsciously. I jsut try to smile at every person I see.. be as nice as possible to everyone I come in contact with.. and hope that maybe, just maybe some of it will rub off.
I used to manage a weight loss center with 300 clients.. I knew the name, age, childrens names, spouce name, weight, and struggles of every woman there.. and more often than not, most of them were losing weight because they were sick of being treated poorly. Sad but true.. and ALL of them appreciated being treated like human beings in our center, and getting at least one heartfelt conversation with someone other than family who genuinely loved them for the person they were on the inside.. sometimes a smile is all it takes to make someones day.. so its a shame to know that some people wont even get a smile.. just because of their weight.
Liz I thought about that, I thought maybe I am also more confidant which I know draws people more than someone who is not. Maybe that is the case with some people I don't know. With some others though you can just tell.
I have always been stick skinny. I'm close to 5 foot 10 in and weighed 100 lbs in high school and college.
Really skinny girls catch a lot of crap too. It always seemed acceptable to call me anorexic, sick, or a drug addict. It's not acceptable to reverse that though with an overweight problem.
In our society you are looked down upon if you're anything but the "perfect" weight. I haven't figured out what the perfect weight is yet lol.
People are horribly mean and judgmental towards overweight people. They are disgusted by them and think that they are lazy slobs. It is so inhumane.
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Now that I'm a lot fatter than pre-mommyhood, I notice this kind of stuff too. All the freaking time.
The thing with me is that I do eat right and I exercise, but this is my natural weight. I don't starve myself or punish myself anymore and I'm so much happier and healthier than I've ever been. That seems to piss people off more than anything. Some people don't understand that thin does not necessarily equal healthy. I have the audacity to be a fat, healthy person who enjoys my life instead of sitting at home with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and crying about how much I hate my life and wishing I was skinny.
- feministmama
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