missing her

[jusBreathe]

I am remembering how much easier it was to brush myself off and get back up when I was a child. even if no one was there to coo encouraging words or dress my wounds in soothing pink gauze. that is how I learned to be self-sufficient. I could swallow the disappointment because I felt no one was watching. now the falls feel harder, the mistakes loom larger. it seems the older i get the more there is to lose. I call on her now. that brown child with knee scars and the desire to be independent. the kid who could hide her embarrassment behind a toothy grin and a raucous laugh. who knew it was ok to feel things deeply and love freely. I want to know what she knows about living. there are wounds I can't seem to heal, dreams that haunt me and needs I don't know how to reconcile. every day it feels like i'm searching for something just out of my reach. it is harder to laugh through the pain. carrying on in the face of failure leaves me depleted. I feel I have given myself to the wrong thing. I hope she can bring me back.  

[BrisMom]

May. 17, 2009 at 10:15 PM

Just wanted to send some encouragement and I hope that you feel better soon.

Take care and God bless

 

[MSugarKane]

May. 18, 2009 at 1:23 PM

Feel better soon!