Confession: Marriage, Mayhem, and Messes

[ZaMaJoMom]

I have a confession:

As of June 24 this year --if we make it-- my DH has put up with me for 20 years of marriage, mayhem, and messes. 

We have 3 sons, 15, 12, and 9...one has autism, one has ADHD, and I am now sure I have always had ADD...but lest you think those are my excuses for having a messy house and pre-packaged meals....THINK AGAIN!..... 

I just HATE CLEANING, COOKING, AND DOING LAUNDRY...and I always have!!!!!!!!  It's boring, redundant, and SOOOO frustrating!!!!!!!  THERE!  I SAID IT!!!!!!!

My DH says he should have known how the future would be, the first time he was allowed to see my bedroom when we were dating (I was 17 and my parents were going to let us watch TV in there with the door open).  He came over and sat in the yard talking to my mom... for 3 hours... cuz I was cleaning my room!!!!!

His next BIG clue was our wedding night 2 years later, when he had to wait for 2 hoursafter the reception while I packed for our honeymoon!!!!!  By the time we got to our wedding night hotel, we were both so tired that we almost didn't...you know!  (It was totally an obligatory action that night....but the honeymoon was better!)  lol! 

The 2 moves we have made in that time were so annoying to him because I was too overwhelmed to pack much, and he had to do most of it.  There are still things we have in the garage that we haven't unpacked since our FIRST move, 14 years ago!!!  He really can't complain much because he isn't much better than I am at keeping things tidy.  Our house really is a jumble of piles, dust, and half-finished chores and projects...and always has been.  Thank goodness I didn't marry a neat freak!

Don't get me wrong: clutter is one thing; filth is another.  Everyone bathes regularly, their clothes are clean (thanks to DH) and we eat off of CLEAN dishes (even if they are paper plates!).  There is no food molding in the bedrooms (cuz it's not allowed there) or in the couches (icky).  I do have GERM standards...but beyond that, clutter is OK with me.

The sad part is, my mom is so baffled and embarrassed by me...she was a very tidy housekeeper and has no idea how I got this way!  I do: she never made any of us 8 kids do chores!  She did it all herself! 

Of course, once you can point the blame somewhere, you can also recognize the power you have to change things....and I haven't chosen to do anything about my domestic deficiencies...so, mom's off the hook! 

Yep, I am fully aware that I am responsible for myself.  Yet, here I sit in the clutter that is my home.  My kids' rooms are messy, and they know I can't make them clean since I don't.  We're doomed!  Having 3 boys, it's quite possible that they will marry women who HATE me for not forcing them to keep things clean.  Ah well, my other qualities have served to endear me to my DH and all my neat friends...the daughters-in-law will come around...especially if they want my free babysitting services!!!!!  

[debra_benge]

May. 18, 2009 at 11:48 AM

Heh.  I love the cooking, but I'm with you on the laundry and cleaning.  I had hubby and the kids help me with the laundry this weekend.  It took us ALL weekend to get it done, and there's only 4 of us!!  I do enforce the room cleaning, just because if I don't, they'd never have shoes or clean clothes to wear.  I've made an effort to get better at it, since for some reason lately, clutter annoys the heck out of me!!

And we've made it 10 years as of May 1st!!

If hubby doesn't mind, I don't see the problem!

[lovinshilah]

May. 18, 2009 at 11:53 AM

Hang in there cause 20 yrs is a long time and im sure he loves you way to much to not deal with ya! Im the same way almost u are. the only diff is I married a clean freak so i am like forced to clean all when he is at work cause he doesnt yell or anything but i have to deal with the smart ass comments ya know?

[Autism_love]

May. 18, 2009 at 9:01 PM

I read this to my b/f and he thought I was talking about myself.. Yesterday he laughed at my, He took the push mower to have it fixed, so I was out side using the recail mower(the push- you are the pwer) when I could be in the house cleanig and having the boy do the lawn.. I have tryed to teach the kids to clean but that has not helped much..