Feeling Down.

[MommyLee08]

 I hate feeling down....really.  Usually I'm a happy person, or at least a pleasant one.  But lately, I've been feeling really crappy.  I want things to change, but i have no idea how to do it.

My husband and I agreed we wanted me to be a SAHM.  His mom was/still is one and while my mom wasn't, i had my great-grandma who watched us everyday after school, so i still had the concept of a SAHM.  We live with my parents, my husband works nights at a club and i collect unemployment because i was laid off and cant find work....still.  I'm looking but its hard to get a job with no experience outside of filing and such.  My mom is making me go back to school (a condition of us living here), but i have NO idea what I want to do anymore.  That's frustrating me.  My husband plans to join the military, but he's not making any real effort.  It makes me feel like our family isn;t worth the effort.  My daughter is well taken care of so I really shouldn't be complaining.

I just....I want to have my own home. One where when my husband comes home(if he has a day job) i can have dinner on the table, or at least start making it.  I want to take care of him in that way.  Obviously if he'd be making the money.  I want to raise our daughter (and whatever future children we may have) myself and not have her in a daycare.  He wants the same thing, or so he's told me. 

Honestly, none of this made sense Im sure, and I probably sound like a whiny baby and thats fine. I just needed to get it out.     I just want to be the SAHM and wife and take care of the house, kids, and husband.  I would've thought that's every man's dream to have a woman wait on him.