My First Bikini Wax - A good laugh

[AndrisMom]

So I got this bright idea into my head that I needed to wax my bikini area.  My main reason is that they shaved the top hair off for my last c-section and it was a horrific process growing back in with the incision right there and the hair growing back sharp. 

So I decided to wax that top part and while I was at it, I'd make my hubby happy and do the rest too.  I was going for the landing strip as he likes to call it. 

We went to CVS, picked out a waxing kit and came home totally prepared to do this.  I started out letting John do the trimming.  Then he heated the wax and I let him do a strip or two.  Men were never meant to wax their wives.  What a butcher job!  He put the wax on the wrong way, let it get too cold, ripped it off wrong, etc. I got fed up and said I'd do it myself.  So we proceeded to the bathroom where he helped hold my big preggo belly up so I could see what I was doing. 

Anyway, I get to the lip area and start with a 2 inch section like I've been doing and go to pull it off.  (I'm using stripless wax) OH MY GOD!!!!  It HURT!!! So now I'm all wussy and nervous and apparenlty waited too long and it's too cold and I really can't get the damn thing off now.  I tried for a couple minutes and finally gave up and said I would try to get it off with the oil stuff that comes with it.  So I start with the oil, it's not working.  Damn! 

All of a sudden John starts yelling at Andri. She's gotten hold of the bottle of oil and taken a nice gulp of it.  GREAT!  Now I have to call Poison Control, and yes, I still have a big hung of wax stuck to my crotch.  Poison Control says no big deal as long as she's not vomiting.  Ok, fine.  While I was on the phone she fell in the kitchen and bumped her head and is crying.  Happens everyday, no big deal.  I pick her up and she starts coughing, coughing, coughing.  I'm thinking it's kind of weird, but probably from the crying.  Wrong. 

She continues coughing for several minutes and now I'm worried.  So I call PC back.  They immediately tell me to get her to the ER b/c she could have inhaled it and that's really bad and will cause pneumonia, etc.  And I still have a huge hunk of wax stuck to my crotch. 

I throw some clothes on and put her in the car.  The coughing has subsided somewhat by this point as I'm sending John in all directions trying to get everything we'll need.  I think to myself that if she stops coughing by the time we get to the ER I'll reevaluate and go from there. 

Well, we never made it to the ER.  She stopped coughing about the time we put her in the car.  We still drove toward the hospital just in case, but she had quit for a good 5-10 minutes when we decided we'd detour to my aunt's house to see the progress on her new kitchen.  Andri is just fine now.  We think the oil just coated her throat and made her uncomfortable b/c it was a very surface type cough, not chesty at all. 

So the moral of this story is:  For your first waxing job, have a professional do it.  It is not a do-it-yourself type of deal. 

My MIL, whom I called in the midst of this crisis, is very generously taking me to a professional place next week sometime to clean up this hack job. 

And Yes, I still have a huge hunk of wax stuck to my crotch.  I would dearly love some ideas of how to get it off. 

[MoM2JacKnLaney]

May. 20, 2009 at 11:16 PM

omg .... i'm sorry, but that is too funny :)  i'm glad that your daughter is ok!!  can you cut it?  i can't even imagine .......

[mandamitch]

May. 20, 2009 at 11:34 PM

One of my friends who is a hairstylist uses those Stridex or Oxy pads to clean up wax when she does eyebrows.

[ShellyABean]

May. 21, 2009 at 9:01 AM

OMG...that is funny (sorry it just is).  Glad Andi is ok.  I have never attempted to do the waxing at home....for some reason I just knew that me putting hot wax down there just wasn't a good idea - lol!

[deacons_mommy07]

May. 21, 2009 at 2:52 PM

You think in the past year i've known you, that i wouldn't eat or drink anything while reading one of your posts...

well i had a brain fart and took a drink of water...and then choked on it when i hit the "Men were never meant to wax their wives.  What a butcher job!  He put the wax on the wrong way, let it get too cold, ripped it off wrong, etc." part....

HILARIOUS =)...sorry little Andri drank that oil....yuck...but glad she's okay and GLAD you are going to a salon to get a wax!!!!!