reminder: things NOT to say (to a pregnant woman)

[autiemommy2]

I'm not an overly sensitive person. I'm not even a sensitive person - meaning you can't hurt my feelings easily. I can get mad pretty quick, but I'm working on that... however, it's time for another reminder for you stupid people who don't think before those stupid things come out of your mouths - or "things *not* to say to a pregnant woman":

1) if you don't know me personally, don't ask me personal questions. I will not answer whether or not I'm breastfeeding. That's none of your business and I don't want to hear your views on it. Same goes with vaccinations and birth control. 

2) I have 2 sons. I'm pregnant with another son. Please stop asking me if we are trying for a girl. We don't want a girl - and we don't feel the need to justify our reasons as to why we don't want a girl. If you know me (and my DH), then you are grateful that we have boys. We don't pick the gender. And as a side note, we weren't "trying" for boys - we weren't trying at all. We were having sex. That's what married people (with 15 minutes) do.

3) please stop telling me that I have my hands full. Do you think that I have forgotten or that I don't realize that? Yes, I have two boys very close in age - 17 months apart. Yes, I have another boy due 23 months from the last one. Yes, I know they are close in age. No, I didn't plan that. No, I don't care that you think they are too close together. And yes, I know having one son with Autism and the other son with a heart condition and half deaf is enough. Again, something I didn't ask for, but I do deal with it the best I know how. I can afford my kids. They are healthy, happy, well behaved (most of the time).

4) I'm not having twins. It's rude to ask me that. I realize I'm as big as the goodyear blimp, but I don't need you to remind me that at 5.5 months, I look like I'm going to "pop". I've had more than one sonogram, it's just one big boy in there. Take in to consideration this is my 3rd child in 3.5 years... and I'm a small woman - yes, I show. And no, my sons are not twins! They look nothing like each other, and we did not plan on similar names, it just happened. Deal.

5) Your lecture on birth control does fall on deaf ears. Yes, I know what it is. Yes, I have used it. No, it doesn't work for me. I spent 7 years having sex - without using BC and never got pregnant. For the last 5 years, I've tried *three* different kinds and *still* got pregnant. Did you ever consider that some of us are fertile? If there are those that can struggle with infertility, there are those that can struggle with over-fertility (or whatever the scientific term is).

6) Honestly, I don't like small talk... especially about your personal horror story of labor and delivery that rivals a Stephen King novel. I didn't ask. I don't care. And no, I won't tell you mine. Nor will I tell you all of the "joys of pregnancy" symptoms I have or have had thus far. I won't discuss morning sickness, gas, heartburn, hemmroids, round ligament pain, swollen feet, back pain, epidurals or false labor with you while waiting to check out. And I certianly don't want to know what you experienced 20 years ago and how "easy" I have it now.

7) Don't ask me how I feel. It should be fairly obvious how I am doing - after all, you've already commented that I have my hands full with 2 boys close in age with another due in a few months. You should assume I'm tired, irritable, cranky, in need of a nap and a back rub, and done answering the same questions *daily* of "what are you having? when are you due?" etc etc etc etc. And stop acting like I'm a horrible person for NOT shooting rainbows and sunshine out my butt b/c I'm not enjoying every ounce of pregnancy! It sucks. Get over it.

8) No, you cannot touch my belly. If you didn't put the baby there, you certainly cannot put your hands on me. Besides, when did THAT become socially acceptable?? You can, however, offer to open a door for me.

9) Please, please, please stop asking me about what I plan on telling my children in the future about my tattoos. "Don't you care what your kids will think of you?" Gee, I hope I raise them better than to be judgemental of body art - among other differences in people!! If they want one, fine. I don't care. I have 6. My mother has 2. Having a tattoo doesn't change, limit, or hinder my ability to properly parent my kids or carry this child.

10) I don't care if you think I should stop having kids or if I should try for a girl. It's not your life. It's mine. No 3 is not too many. I was given 3 boys for a reason and I don't question that. I was also given special needs kids for a reason, again, something I don't question. Yes, I love them all the same. So stop asking me about when I'm going to stop having kids or try for a girl. It's moot.

Okay, just had to get that out... now, back to smiling and nodding at random strangers while politely answering their mundane questions....

[ColtsFan1912]

May. 27, 2009 at 3:31 PM

i hate horror birth stories. I got them all the time when i was pregnant with Caleb

[coolmommyof3]

May. 27, 2009 at 3:39 PM

We were just talking about this in one of my groups, today!  I totally agree with you!  I also hate when people open their big mouths when I'm preggo. 

I hate it when they ask me when I got married, so they can try to do the math and see if I was a "bad" girl!

I hate it when people feel like they can touch my belly without asking, and some of them are strangers!!!!

I hate it when they ask me if I'm still pregnant.  Duh, if I'm not pregnant, you'll see the birth announcement in the paper, or if you are close to me, I'll call you!

Don't ask me if you can do anything to help, if you don't really mean it.  Someone asked, and I told them to come over and do my dishes.  They told me they were too busy, and I yelled at them and told them not to offer to help me if they didn't mean it.

I really hate it when people walk around me and tell me they think I'm having a boy because my butt is big!!!!!  Hey, I have a ghetto booty, and it's always big!!!  I have 2 girls, and it was big for all 3 of my kids.

Yes, I realize that my kids are less than 2 years apart, and I get knocked up while in nursing school, but heck, I will still love the baby just the same.  I can't believe that people suggested that I quit school just because I was pregnant!!!  I graduated on the top half of my class with a baby born 1 month early, and was 8 days old when I graduated, and I got to bring her with me.

I hate it when people ask me how much longer I have.  Must I do the math every day for you all?

 

 

Great post, I got a kick out of it, and I totally agree!

[coolmommyof3]

May. 27, 2009 at 3:39 PM

Oh yea, I also hate the birth horror stories, too!!!  LOL! 

[evwsquared]

May. 27, 2009 at 4:10 PM

Bumped you!

[autiemommy2]

May. 27, 2009 at 4:23 PM

thanks ladies! good to know I'm not alone!! oh and I forgot all about the "have you had that baby yet?!" when it's obvious you are STILL the size of the Titanic... I should add that! (lol)

(Original Poster)

[littlejjsmommy]

May. 27, 2009 at 4:44 PM OH OH OH!!! Can I ask you a personal questions???? OK, you know I'm joking.... Next time tell them you are not having one but 3, make sure you look at the faces though... Ha Ha... I have a few tattoos, I won'der what people think of me then UMMMM!!! Ignore the ignorant and you'll be better off.. Hope you and the kids are doing good... We nned to get together before we PCS