Miscarriage prison

[dkrmlr]

I've lost another child, I'm feel like i'm trapped in this prison. Just marking the walls, another baby another strike. I feel just here, i know i have a beautiful little girl, and I'm so so so very lucky and happy that i have her. Even though i do have a daughter, it's still doesn't change the hurt.  I carried a fear of losing her, when i was pregnant. With this baby i didn't even fear it, i did everything faster and better then with my dd. Tuesday they said the baby looked fine, not even two days later and i've lost my baby. I don't know who or what controls this, some say god, other mother nature. Whatever or whoever controls it, is cruel. Plain and simple. I don't understand either how a nurses and doctors can say i hope you feel better soon, and this is what your diagnosed with. The doctor couldn't even fucking say miscarriage I was the one who had to say it, he just kept jumping around it. "umm you have blood clots and the ultrasound showed a sac but your hcg levels are in the 700's soo ummm." is all he would say, i was like "miscarriage" he just says yeah sorry to have to tell you, shit he didn't even fucking tell me, i had to say it. He could have just said it's a miscarriage with the amount of blood in pain, and having already had three miscarriages before I had already figured by this point, thought i still had hope before the doc came in. They kept saying oh theres a sac and it looks normal but in the end they didn't know and in the end i've lost my baby.  Just stuck in a prison.

[cheeky927]

May. 28, 2009 at 12:54 PM

     Oh, I feel for you.  I had five miscarriages in all, and they were the most awful things on earth.  I also had one baby die of SIDS.  No one said much, and everything was just so sad.  When you get better, do something just for yourself.  Be a little selfish at this time.  Hold a ritual for the lost baby.  But, if you're not too old, try to have another baby in a year or so.  It can happen.  I have two children, but went through a lot of turmoil to have them.  May God be with you at this crucial time.  Take care of yourself,  Maureen.

[jeana]

May. 28, 2009 at 1:06 PM

I'm so sorry, I will keep you in my prayers.

[Liansmommie]

May. 28, 2009 at 5:00 PM

{HUGS}

I have been there too many times and you have finally expressed the way I felt, 'a prison.' Family doesn't get it because they pop out kids like rabbits and doctors are so useless when it comes to loss, maybe because their job is to maintain life. The first time the doctor kept talking to me about fetal mass. "Hello, that is my baby you are dehumanizing!" We went to the doctor for our second miscarriage and the nurse was visibly put out because we weren't excited when she told us we were pregnant. We were like "yeah we figured that out, do we get to keep it?" In the end we told them what was going on because their ultrasound said we were only so far along and we should have been so much farther. Their dates just didn't match what we knew. Still they insisted we were fine. 

We have been so reluctant to try again after our son was born. It's hard to voluntarily face the possibility of not going term, even after a healthy pregnancy. You are so strong for even trying again.

I hope you find some peace. I do honestly believe our bodies know when it is best to miscarry a pregnancy. Our last lost pregnancy was a still born and she would not have survived long if she had been born alive, maybe closure for me but less pain for her I think. Well, of course I would put the best possible face on it. 

If you want to talk message me anytime. Will surely keep your family in my thoughts! ~~ Shell

[Elatedmommie]

May. 28, 2009 at 9:47 PM

I'm so sorry for you loss. You are in our prayers.

[DayDaysmom19]

May. 30, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Oh, sweetie, I'm so, so very sorry...

 

[dkrmlr]

Jun. 1, 2009 at 11:59 AM

Thank you ladies.

(Original Poster)