Beer Pong - Poisoning Your Friends

[ErikaRobin]

*in affected Martha Stewart voice*

Hosting a party that will have you waking up with a bad case of the Oh-No's is a time-honored tradition.  Bored, underage and irresponsible drinkers the world over have played drinking games for years, because alcohol poisoning is so very entertaining.  The secrets of success are massive amounts of alcohol and reckless abandon.  You can get your friends drunk, or you can get your friends DRUUuuUUuuNK.   What better way to do this than to play Beer Pong? 

If you haven't got your own table, a cherry-wood closet door can be transformed into a wonderful Beer Pong Table in just a few short hours. 

First, acquire a cherry-wood closet door...by any means necessary.  I got this one by inviting myself into the home of a friend with cherry woodwork, knocking her over the head with my chartreuse Everyday ball-peen hammer and lifting it while she was passed out.  *wry smile* 

Once you've gotten it home and wiped the fingerprints off the hammer, remove the hardware on your new cherry-wood door.

Next, simply paint circles on the top surface of the door at the appropriate points with a sable brush and acrylic paint.  I use a simple, antique compass I found at the most pretentious shop in Turkey Hill.  I find if I use it without being inebriated myself, I make the most perfect circles.  

Now, lacquer the top of the beer pong table, making sure the strokes go with the grain, of course, for a better rebound.  Once the finish is dry, I find that a grosgrain ribbon attached with decorative upholstery tacks really brings the whole thing together, adding that special touch. 

Everyone should have a table like this at their next drunken gathering.

The Beer Pong Table...it's a good thing. 

 

[callmeann]

May. 28, 2009 at 1:36 PM

You failed to mention, dear Rikki, that it may be awkward to invite the friend from whom you acquired the table to the party.  Unless, of course, she likes beer and Ping Pong more than she likes an un-lumpy head and her cherry wood door.

[Guinhyvar]

May. 28, 2009 at 1:41 PM

You bish! You stole my door!

[Fistandantalus]

May. 28, 2009 at 2:36 PM

*makes mental note to lay in a supply of beer and purchase an Everyday ball peen hammer*

[HistoryMamaX3]

May. 28, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Oooh- I hope Rikki invites me... I hope Rikki invites me... Please, RIKKI INVITE ME!

[used2chaos]

May. 28, 2009 at 3:40 PM

I wanna play!

[clairandamjones]

May. 28, 2009 at 4:49 PM

I can't come over to play.  I don't drive drunk.  Will you come pick me up?

[sapient]

May. 28, 2009 at 11:07 PM

I knew there was a reason you were my friend.

*Tune in next week for Lawn Darts a la Jose Cuervo*

[ErikaRobin]

May. 28, 2009 at 11:20 PM

sapient, HA! Nah, only the tale of how to trim the Kentucky Bluegrass in a perfect grosgrain-ringed circle.   :)

 

(Original Poster)

[briarraindancer]

May. 28, 2009 at 11:33 PM

Hey! You stole my chartreuse Everyday Ball Peen Hammer!

I'm not coming to your party until you give it back. And there better not be any of Jenna's blood on it.

[jsnzmom]

May. 29, 2009 at 8:30 AM

My Everyday Ball Peen Hammer is aubergine.  The chartreuse clashed horribly with the apron I made out of canvas I wove on my own loom.  Did I mention the hand-painted design on the front pocket?  Those sable brushes come in handy in so many ways!

I'm working on a new version of Chutes and Ladders where instead of climbing the ladder or sliding down the chute, you drink a shot of whiskey.  There are still a few kinks to work out as the kids and I keep getting drunk before we can finish.  *hiccup*  This may take a while...