I have gone to 2 funerals in my life so far. My great grandmothers who i was very close to, and a complete strangers. The strangers funeral was traumatizing and i give my heart out to anyone who has had to go through a suicidal funeral.
My friend had asked if i would accompany him to his friends funeral. I said of course... to be there for my friend.
The funeral was for an 18 yr old man/boy who had hung himself in his parents shed by a telephone cord.
When we arrived at the church, there were already hundreds of people inside. We were a little early and found a good seat fairly in the middle of the giant church. I would say that this church had to fit at least 200 people. By the time the service started... there were so many people there at the funeral, that they were lined up against the walls and standing outside because there was no more room.
I looked around and just watched the people, amazed. The girl a few rows in front of me was crying so hard her face was bloated and red. I stared at the white casket in front of all of us and thought how sad it was that this boy probably felt so very alone... but look at all of these people who loved him. That the church was so full of people.. that they couldn't even all fit inside. My heart just hurt for this boy.
The service was over and now everyone was able to go say good bye with the open casket,... not my thing... so i went outside as my friend went and said good bye.
We then all got in our vehicles and put on our headlights to drive to the burial site. The line was huge and very slow. We all followed the vehicles in front of us at maybe a 5 mph pace. The police stopped on coming traffic every few minutes to let us past the intersections.
When we got to the cemetery, everything was all set up. The casket was on the lever to eventually lower into the deep hole that they dug. His mother and father were sitting in folding chars next to him and i am sure other close family members under the canopy. Then everyone else on the other side, including me and my friend.
I could see his mother and father perfectly. She was crying holding on to her husbands hand. I remember feeling dizzy. The priest had a moment of prayer as we all bowed our heads. After the prayer, they started lowering the casket.
The mother lost it.... She just started screaming! And flung herself to the casket! Screaming NO NO! The husband grabbed her and just held her tight and they fell to the ground together, crying.
I could no longer take it and felt as though i was going to faint. I ran to my car. My friend came to the car and I said i needed to go... i couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted to go!
I wanted to share this story, because I have never experience sucide personally... No one in my life, thank the Lord, has ever commited sucide.
I never knew this kid... or anyone in his family, but this was the most painful funeral I have ever been to in my entire life! I remember the mother... and feeling so much pain for her! I cant imagine what it feels like to bury a child that committed suicide. I remember thinking how selfish it was that this boy did this to everyone that loved him. I remember thinking how sad that this boy felt so alone.. but was actually so very loved.
If you know anyone who is possibly suicidal.. please get them help. If you are suicidal.. please remember that you leave so many people behind to hurt for the rest of their lives. I didnt even know this boy.... I went to this funeral over 5 yrs ago... I still cry when i tell this story, I still ache for that mother I saw screaming while her little boy was being put in the ground. I still hurt and I didnt even know you!!! Do you know what you did to your mother! I am so angry and sad all at the same time!
If you read through all of this... thank you.
If you would like to share any story you may have, please do.