I LOVE BOTH MY DAUGHTERS AND WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THEM. I HAD MY FIRST AND WENT THROUGH SOME SHIT WITH MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SO I MOVED IN WITH MY DAD OUT OF STATE. I HAD A JOB BUT COULD DO NOTHING TO BETTER MY SITUATION AT ALL THERE AND WANTED TO GET NY SHIT TOGETHER AND MOVE OUT. SINCE I COULDNT DO IT THERE I MOVED BACK HOME AND I INTENDED ON TAKING MY DAUGHTER WITH ME BUT AFTER A LOT OF ARGUEMENTS AND CONVOS WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW MY SITUATION, THE BEST THING WAS TO HAVE HER STAY WITH MY DAD. I HAD TO STAY WITH A FRIEND AND I ONLY GOT TEMP JOBS IN NY, I FILLED OUT 100s OF APPLICATIONS AND WORKED HERE AND THERE BUT NOTHING PERMANENT. WHEN MY DAUGHTER TURNED 3 MY DAD MOVED BACK TO NY AND I SPENT ALL MY DAYS OFF WITH HER AND TOOK CARE HER AS ANY MOTHER DOES. BUT SHE COULDNT LIVE WHERE I LIVED BECAUSE IT WAS ALREADY OVERCROWDED AND NOT MY PLACE. MY DAD MOVED TO MASS WITH MY DAUGHTER AND I FOLLOWED. FOR A FEW MORE MONTHS I LIVED WITH MY DAUGHTER PERFECTLY FINE. THEN MY DAD ANNOUNCED HE WAS MOVING AGAIN AND I STILL WAS LIVING WITH OTHERS SO I COULDNT AND MY ENTIRE FAMILY WOULD NOT WANT ME TO TAKE HER WITH ME INTO A SHELTER. LEGALLY ITS HARD TO FIGHT BECAUSE HE HAD A NICE HOME TO GIVE HER AND I HAD NOTHING. NORMALLY i AM ON BIRTH CONTROL BUT SINCE I HAD JUST MOVED TO MASS I DIDNT HAVE A DR. WHEN I GOT PREGNANT I WAS NOT GOING TO HAVE AN ABORTION AND I WAS WORKING AT THE TIME. I HAD EVERY INTENTION OF HAVING AN APT EVEN BEFORE THE BABY WAS BORN BUT PROBLEMS AROSE. I COULDNT KEEP MY JOB AT THE END OF MY PREGNANCY AND I WAS STUCK STILL LIVING WHERE I'M AT. MY DAUGHTER KNOWS WHO I AM AND LOVES ME AND HER BABY SISTER. I WAS THERE FOR HER FIRST STEPS AND CHANGED HER DIAPERS. I WAS THERE FOR POTTY TRAINING AND BIRTHDAYS. EVEN THIS YEAR I MADE A TRIP FOR HER BIRTHDAY AND AGAIN NOW FOR HER GADUATION. MY DAUGHTER IS WELL TAKEN CARE OF AND IF I COULD PROVIDE HER WITH AT LEAST A HOME SHE'D BE HERE AND MY DAD KNOWS THAT. I'VE FOUGHT TO HAVE HER WITH ME AND LOST. ITS THAT SIMPLE. WHATS BEST FOR HER IS THE PLACE WHERE SHE CAN FEEL MOST SECURE AND TAKEN CARE OF. A SHELTER IS NOT THE ANSWER AND NEITHER IS A HOME WITH STRANGERS. IM THINKING OF HER. NEVER HAVE I MADE A SELFISH DECISION. IT WOULD'VE BEEN SELFISH TAKING HER AWAY FROM EVERYONE TO BE WITH ME WHEN I HAD NO WAY TO GIVE HER EVERYTHING SHE DESERVES. IT HURTS ALOT THAT PEOPLE THINK I'M A HORRIBLE MOTHER "AND SHOULD DIE" BECAUSE I'VE BATTLED THIS DECISION WITHIN MYSELF AND I STILL CRY ABOUT IT. EARLIER TONIGHT I WAS HAPPY THAT I WAS GOING TO GO SEE HER BUT NOW ALL I FEEL IS PAIN. IT HURTS SO MUCH TO BE AWAY FROM HER AND ALL EVERYONE CAN DO IS MAKE ME FEEL WORSE ABOUT IT. SO THANK U. THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS, WHY I GO THROUGH IT ALL ALONE. WHY I NEVER TALK. I'VE HIT ALOT OF WALLS AND AT LEAST I'M STILL TRYING.I DIDNT GIVE UP EVEN AFTER ALL THE DIFFICULTIES I'VE FACED. AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE IT ALL TAKEN CARE OF FOR THEIR KIDS THATS GREAT BUT I DONT. AND I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING IS RIGHT FOR NOW. I AM DOING MY BEST AND HAVE DONE COUNTLESS THINGS TO TRY AND BETTER MY SITUATION. DONT JUDGE ME AND TELL ME LIFE ISNT WORTH AS MUCH AS YOURS. NO ONE HAS THAT RIGHT. IF I'M ALIVE TODAY ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF MY DAUGHTERS. 

Add A Comment

Comments:

sammi...
May. 31, 2009 at 1:38 AM

Don't worry about what other people think.  You did what was best for your daughter and that is what a mother does no matter how hard it is.  You are in her life and she knows you love her and that's what matters and it doesn't make you less of a mother.

Message Friend Invite

mrskg...
May. 31, 2009 at 1:53 AM Don't let what others say get to you. You know what is best for you and your children. She knows u love her and would be with her all the time if you could. Keep your head up and things will turn around for you.

Message Friend Invite

Lb128f
May. 31, 2009 at 1:57 AM

Sounds to me like you made some mature rational decisions regarding your DD's care without thinking about yourself. I'm sorry someone gave you a hard time.

Message Friend Invite

jcsmummy
May. 31, 2009 at 2:07 AM

i'm sorry that people are treating you like this. you obviously care about your daughter and are doing everything you can to give her a good life. things don't always happen the way you plan. keep on going, you are a good person and you & your girls deserve more out of life. 

Message Friend Invite

pnwmom
May. 31, 2009 at 2:38 AM

You did the most loving thing by your DD's.  You are a good person, don't let the people who have no idea what its like bring you down.  I know a man whose Mother had to let the Dad raise him because of her situation simular to yours.  Today his mom is on her feet  and doing great.  And they are all very close.  She did the most loving thing and the most noble by making sure he was in a good place.  Don't give up Mama

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in