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Dear Autism , ( EDITED)
- Jun 2, 2009 at 5:13 PM
- By
- Comments (72) Total Views (2580) Everyone can see this journal post.
I feel the need to edit this because of certain comments people are making either here, in my chatter box or in my mailbox. I wrote this as a theraputic thing for myself, to let off my frustration and as a way for me to let out some of my feelings in a cathartic way , NO MORE , NO LESS.
I am grateful to the moms who say they have felt the same way , and who have thanked me for putting into words what they themselves feel periodically. Its good to know I am not alone.
For anyone what says I dont love my son , you dont know me , you dont know what we have been through in the last 13 years. I have been through hell and back mostly as a single parent , and would move heaven and earth if it would help my son become all he can be. I love him more than my own life, him and his sister are the single most important thing in my life , now and forever.
Its easy to judge, say rude hurtful , mean and nasty things to someone you dont know over the internet, and if thats your intent when you post here or send a mail or a note, please be mindful that the person on the other end is a person with feelings and a family just like you, you wouldnt like it if people were being completely disrespectful to you , your family and your situation , so why do it do someone else?
Dear Autism,
I am writing this letter to you to tell you exactly what I think of you. I HATE YOU. If dying would take you, you accursed affliction , and make my son able to live a more normal life, I would GLADLY die to have my child be rid of you. I can not stand this anymore, I really cant. Every day , my son becomes more and more someone I dont know , someone I some days wish I didnt know, because hes hurting me or his sister or his dad.
Last night , because of you , my son could have DIED. He could have bled to death , because you decided to make him an irrational , disturbed , tantruming individual who in his state of unawares, punched out a window , and then tried to run bleeding from my home. Thank goodness he didnt die, but the potential was there. He was severely injured and now he will be scarred for life on his hand and wrist. I love my child, but Autism , I hate what you make him become.
Why us Autism? Why us? Why did you choose my family , my child? Thirteen years of torture is long enough , its time for you to move on. Just go, leave, get out of my sons life. Dont go torture another family though , I wouldnt wish you on my worst enemy , or on the worst human beings in history. I want you erradicated , out of existance , out of all the hundreds of thousands of lives you choose to torment, I want freedom from you for all families and all children , but most especially for my son. He is my heart , the reason I live and breathe , my beautiful caramel complected, blue eyed , brown haired little man, who is cherished and adored.
My heart aches as I write this , tears stream down my face , because I am watching my little boy sitting on my couch in pain and forever scarred by you, and there is nothing more I can do for him until he heals. I look at my house , at the damage you have caused, I look at the bruises all over me from him hitting , biting and punching, and it is a constant reminder that you , Autism , are there , lurking , waiting for your next opportunity.
Go away , leave my son alone, you arent wanted here, you are hated with more venom than you can fathom, leave now , purge yourself from our existance, you are evicted , cast out , access denied FOREVER. Give me my child back , all I want is my son , just give me my baby back. Hes not yours , hes MINE damn it , hes MINE.
Comments:
wow, i feel for you and your son, is he in therapy? has he done anger management..thankfully ronnie has never hit me or bonnie his anger is usually toward kids or himself. art therapy really helped him. he was in it for a couple years. his anger has gotten sooo much better. he hasnt gotten in fights in a long time. i feel for your son. and hope he gets better.
No services like that in my current home state unfortunately , we are just trying to hang on by a thread until we move in July.
when i read this i cryed,,my son is 6 he has autism..we found out when he was 3..i know how you feel,dam it ! it makes me so mad..im sorry,hope we can be friends...kim
Cyberhug!
You can cry on my shoulder any time you want. I pray that you guys can hang on until you get some decent help. Are you still planning to live in the Missouri/Illinois area?
All We are waiting for is money. As soon as it arives, we are outta here.
I am crying as I read this. I have a soon to be 12 yr old with Autism, and have not seen things as bad as you have, but he is headed there. 
Wow, mama, I don't know what to do or say other than to send you a great big cyberhug.I hope things get better for you when you guys move.
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I know exactly how you feel. I wish autism would freaking leave us alone too.
- aurorabunny
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