I wish that I could fast forward this next week. I cant wait until the 12th. Josh will be home and everything will be great. I have missed him so much. Its been a hard 4 months. I cant believe that he has been gone for 4 months. That is the longest that we have been apart. And these last 10 days have been hell. I hate not being able to talk to him. I know that when he deploys, its going to be much worse. I don't know how I am going to stay strong. I need him. I'm so scared that if he deploys that he isn't coming back. It makes me so sad and angry. I just don't know how to deal with all the emotions. I am not happy. I know that when he comes home I will be ok, but we don't know how long he will be home. It really sucks that I cant be 100% happy when he come home. Him leaving for a year is always in the back of my mind.