Nothin is easy...never thought it would be

[batsonsgirl]

We have been married just over three years. have 2 kids together and up till about one year ago we have little problems. we bought our first house since then and added a sugar princess to our family. not to long after buyin our house we started fighting more. Nowadays, it seems as if there is little we actually agree on.  i know he works hard to provide for our family. and i work hard to take care of our family.
i have always been one to say divorce is never an option unless we  have tried EVERYTHING and  are still very unhappy, or ya know, if he was abusive or something like that.  but he is a great guy. he stresses all the time about our finances. there is alot to stress about when it comes to that.. but he really lets it get to him because he feels like he is failing.   we both knew it would be hard after the baby came, between a new house, a new baby and me not working.  then we got screwed over by a couple credit card companies. and no.... not because we did something wrong. because they take advantage of the ppl that actually pay their bills everymonth.

now it seems like we are constantly haters against eachother and he is so stubborn ( dont get me wrong, i am pretty stubborn myself) but  he doesn't like to listen to me and be a team in our parenting.  he is so harsh with tyler.  He works at a supermax  prison, so that is how he HAS to be at work. and he is bringin it home. he picks on him, gets mad at him over everything, and i feel like they have very little bond. Tyler refuses to potty train. i thought we were almost there. then all the sudden he regressed and we can't even let him wear undies anymore cuz he was constantly having accidents.  i know it is not all DHs fault. i don't blame him completely. but we are sooo inconsistent it confuses him. we have tried everything to get him potty trained and the one thing that we should have done in the first place i tried to do again and my dh won't do it. i just wanted to back off for a while, as told by many ppl... but dh still picks on him, gets mad, punishes and always talkin down to him.  Now Tyler has been recently becoming more of a handful and shows aggressive behavior, doesn't listen, and seems grumpy way more often than a kid should be. who has to deal with this behavior. I DO. and if my dh is home, he is just even meaner to him when he acts out.   i just ignore it or put him timeout. i try to get him to tell me what is bothering him, but he rarely tells me.

me and dh had a long, descent conversation about how to deal wtih the potty training issue, and we agreed no more punishing or talking down. he did it for a whole day and was like,,, this is  not working.  nothing he does is going to work because he doesnt' have the patience.   plus, for gods' sake.... it isn't completely un-normal for a 3 1/2 year old to refuse the potty.   especially after so many changes in his life.

he constantly makes fun of me to my face, sayin that I am a hippie and this and that. because i am tryin to take care of our family and get rid of chemicals, grow a garden, make my own stuff, and refusing vax's and all that stuff us "natural mommies" like to do.  i know he probably means no harm, but it hurts me that he won't try to understand and open up his doors to tryin new things and listening to why i want to do things this way.

these are just some of the things that we have been dealing with... we won't even go to our romance, sex life or anything like that.  he has been making me so mad and frusterated that it's hard for me to think about sex. not only that, but he has this mentality that he can live however he wants, cuz we all gonna die sometime, so he gonnna eat, drink and do what he wants. at the age of only 21 he was on high BP meds. hmmmm... does that tell ya something?  he is off now, but that was only because he stopped drinkin so much soda and actually started gettin in shape.  that reminds me, we should check his BP cuz he is drinkin soda again and not workin out. probably up high again.  i wish he would understand that i want him around. and healthy and active when the kids grow up. i would like to enjoy life with him and if he doesn't want to take care of himself then why should I care either. how can i find that attractive>? one day i guess it will kick in. don't know how many times me and his mom who is also a nurse practitioner are gonna have to drill it into his thick skull.  complain about me all you want... but i am just tryin to do what is best for you, our family and myself.  if i happen to save a rainforest while i am at it... then Great!

hopefully the next time i get a chance to write in my handy dandy journal.... i will have better things to talk about. lets pray for some steps in the right direction.

[MommaK2007]

Jun. 26, 2009 at 8:23 AM

Marriage is so hard. So is parenting. And balancing a budget.  Just try to remember the love that pulled you together in the first place, and then take a deep breath and make a conscious effort each day to see things from each other's perspective.

I know this was posted a couple of weeks ago. Maybe some of the issues are resolved by now. But often these challenges are ongoing. So I just wanted to encourage you and say that we've all been there and tell you that I'll be lifting you up in prayer this morning.

Hang in there.

[batsonsgirl]

Jul. 21, 2010 at 4:14 PM

i'd write a journal... but it's not better. off and on it has been...but right now it's worse. ugh!!! over a year later and only worse. .great

(Original Poster)

[batsonsgirl]

Aug. 14, 2010 at 4:25 PM

update....we have decided to divorce. we can't be happy together but want to stay friends. he also ended up having an affair with his best friends wife and I am so ready to move on and be a happy person not being brought down by him anymore.

(Original Poster)