I give the rest of teen moms a bad name.. total vent journal.

[kate_jocelyn]

There was a post recently in one of my less favorable groups about whether or not being a stay at home mom is a job, this topic is a given debate, obviously. I wasnt going to reply until I saw another lady write about how much it pissed her off when teen moms said they were stay at home moms when they didnt have the money to afford it. She proceeded to say that she didnt see much of her son now because she went to school from 8:00am til 4:00pm, when she got home her son was taking his nap and then she left for work at 5:00pm and worked until 11:00pm. This really irritated me, her poor son! So I replied about how she had no place to judge whether or not teen mom's can be stay at home moms, at least they are the ones raising their own children(I wrote more, but my entire response isnt important)!

Well.... I asked for it didnt I? I pretty much got bashed up and down the wall. I was called completely lazy for living with my parents in order to be able to stay home with my daughter. I dont think I'm lazy, and this is why. I dont live with my parents because I enjoy leaching off of others, I actually love to have a job, income and a little extra money so I can have more than one pair of pants and three shirts to wear. I continue to not try getting a job, and living with my parents because my daughter is only one year old, and she NEEDS me right now. If I were to get my own place, with the price of even small apartments, I would have to work at LEAST full-time, leaving someone else to raise my daughter during the day. Would it be worth it to me, just to have my own place, and to satisfy the standards of today's ignorant society? Absolutely not! I know for a fact that I would grow up and regret with everything I have not being able to spend that time with my daughter. I actually did have a job for about a month when Anabelle was four months, and it completely showed me how terrible it is to force your child to be without you at such a young age for such a long time. Needless to say, I quit, and I'm very glad I did.

Anyways, one mother who called me lazy and all that said that I'm giving all the rest of teen moms a bad name by living with my parents and not getting a job. This is what really made me angryyyyy. In america in 2009, if you are a teen mother who feeds her child formula, puts disposable diapers on their butt, gives them gerber graduates meals for dinner and has no idea what they had for breakfast and lunch because they were in daycare, leaves them with a babysitter on the weekends so she can have some "me time", BUT she has a job and goes to school, so she's a great mom because she's not going to let a baby get in the way of her dreams. And in america in 2009, if your a teen mother who exclusively breastfeeds your child, saves money by using cloth diapers, feeds your child an amazing diet, can count on one hand the number of times you've left your child while you went and did something fun, BUT lives at home with her parents so she doesnt have to put her child in daycare, and because she acknowledges how FUCKING IMPORTANT it is to stay home with a baby, raise them on your own, know them inside and out, and be the ONLY person who has a major influence on the way they think, act, and live, is a lazy mom giving the rest of teen moms a bad name because she wont go out and get a job. So basically your parenting skills arent even judged according to how good of a parent you are, rather whether or not you work, make money, live on your own, etc. Makes sense, right? Yeaaaa........

And to clarify, everyone in this post thought I was soo incredibly terrible because I keep the house clean for my mom, help with meals and such, in exchange for the bare minimum of things that are difficult to live without(toothpaste, wipes, shampoo, etc.). Can somebody please explain to me what the hell is so wrong with that?

I rarely let some silly drama post on cafemom get me so riled up, I dont even know why I'm wasting my time because obviously these ladies arent anyone who's opinions I should let get to me, I just feel so trapped because I know that I am an amazing mother, I KNOW I am. I'm not conceited or anything like that, I am very good at looking at myself realistically, I just know that I am a very good mom. I'm not ashamed of the way I do anything, or the fact that I live with my parents, but so many people think I'm lazy and irresponsible because I wont get a job in order to get my own place. It's hard sometimes, I suppose, when you dont have the "picture-perfect" lifestyle, to get people to understand what it's truly like, without going into unnecessary detail. Silly, really, I know. I'm being really silly, but I needed to vent my frustrations somewhere, and seeing as all my friends disagree with my parenting style, I thought i'd just write it here. So there ya go! Think what you want, and have a nice night :)

Just to clarify, I have nothing against moms who have their children in daycare, work outside the home, or anything like that, people always have differences. This post was made when I was pretty upset, I really only have a problem with these type of moms when they pass judgement on me because I do things differently than them.

[aurorabunny]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 2:11 AM

Staying home with your child IS important, in my opinion. 

I agree with you.  I really doubt your child will EVER look back at all the wonderful memories that she has with you and the extra miles that you've gone for her (like healthy food, etc) and say "I wish you had worked outside the house mom!"  So don't let them get to you! :)

[aurorabunny]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 2:17 AM

And I forgot to say...because of mental illness and some other issues my dad hasn't had a job for a lot of his life.  But he sure is good at being the best dad ever.  All I remember from growing up is that he was always there for me and still is to this day, he always supports me and is there whenever I need him.  I feel so lucky to have him.  My husband doesn't have a very good relationship with his dad...even though he makes lots of money he always just kind of brushed the kids aside for his job.  Obviously this is different than being a SAHM or a working mom, and obviously not all situations are that black and white.....I'm just saying what kids remember is whether or not you were a good parent and if you were there for them when they needed you, not where you worked or how much money you made.  Maybe some of those moms putting you down need to check their priorities.

[michelle0228]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 2:56 AM

Don't worry she's just jealous because she doesn't have the opportunity to enjoy her children as much as she would like to. Who cares that you live with your parents, that's what parents are for. Why would you waste money on rent when there is an empty room open for you? Honestly I don't live with my mom any more but she loved when I did..if it where up to here I'd live with her till I was 40. lol. Anyways parents love having their  kids around. You child is only small for such a short time and you are enjoying her to the fullest, who cares what some bitter time consumed idiot says, she's just mad because she doesn't have the opportunity and that's not your problem. I for one think  you give teen moms a wonderful name. You keep doing what's best for your little one, your doing a great job. :)

[momofkids]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 6:56 AM

I am having trouble distinguishing between what a stay-at-home-mom with a husband and your situation.  They sound the same to me.  From what you said, you are earning your keep by taking care of your mom's house.  The very wealthy in our society have persons who do what you do (live in the home, clean, cook meals).  They call them maids/housekeepers.  It is a legitimate job.  Just because you don't have a husband supporting you, doesn't mean you are wrong.

I get so tired of the judgemental people on this site.  It would only be wrong if it was hurting one of the persons involved (ie. mom, dad, you).  Ignore those women, they are just to blind to see the truth.

[JennSol]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 12:38 PM

First of all, you are a GREAT mom! NOTHING can take the place of the unconditional love and comfort you give your baby! I understand how the rude coments can hurt!  Since the moment I found out I was pregnant till now, even 9 months after he's been born I had constant criticism for my opinions.  I got criticized for being a stay at home mom  and not putting my baby in daycare, and then I got criticized for working 10-15 hours a week and not staying home with him full time.  And then there was the CONSTANT criticism for feeding formula instead of breastfeeding!  I got told I was "poisioning" my child with formula! Oh hell no!  So instead of getting mad I just pray for them. I pray for them to overcome their ignorance and narrow-minded attitueds.  Does it work? Who knows. But it's worth a try :) It is very liberating to do your own thing and be confident with your choices.  You are making what you consider to be the best choices for you and your child and who is anyone else to say you aren't being a good mom!  I have stayed with my mom and dad several times and have a WONDERFUL relationship with them. My mom always told me no matter how old I am I will always be her baby. Parenting doesn't end at 18! Hang in there woman, your little girl thinks the world of you!

[theyareallmine]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 12:42 PM

These other ladies have said it all.........Your dd is one blessed little lady!

[kate_jocelyn]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 1:48 PM

Thanks so much for cheering me up girls :)

(Original Poster)

[SweetPea708]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 6:22 PM

I love the way your raising her. if i could do cloth diapers and breast feed i would. im going to try with this one. Keep doing what your doing. i stay at home with my kids, i cant find a job anywhere in this town. i would have gone off just like you did.

[Arisce]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 9:09 PM

If you're a bad mom,. then so am I. Only I must be worse cause I'm a single TWENTY FOUR years old mom living at home with her parents. I work part time for my dad and take care of Emi 24/7. I'm in school(internet) and I'm focusing on OUR future. But I wont compromise her mental, physical, spiritual or emotional well being to do that. You're a great mom.

[MrsDuff]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM

I think what you are doing is wonderful. If I had the opportunity, I would stay at home with my baby. Maybe that can be the case with other babies to come...