My Heart is broken but also so filled.

[rachelwilliams]

I was blessed today with an awesome gift! I dont even know what to call it. Its a play thing for Eastons therapy that I would never be able to afford. And we know that Easton will benefit from it Greatly! But along with all the excitement of receiving it, is the sadness of needing it in the first place. I am in such a confused state of mind that I dont know if I am overwhelmed with great gratitude or depression. Makes no sense to me. But maybe its meant to be that way.

[mom2-2crazyboys]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 11:05 AM

I don't know if this will help or anger you, because honestly I have been there. And at times I hated when people even told me that, because they weren't there with MY BABY..they were with their kid. If that makes any sense....

But I understand how you are feeling as much as an outsider can...and I hurt for you. It is hard, and I don't really have any advice except you are a strong person, and God must have BIG AND WONDERFUL plans for Easton's life to have saved him and now be making a way for him to develop and play.

You emotions will continue to be on a rollercoaster. That seems to be a part of motherhood, right? And then the guilt?? Boy, what is it that makes being a mom a good thing again!?!?!? OH YEAH..those stinkin' cute kids that adore us and do the most amazing things like live after not breathing for 14 minutes and reading elephant at barely 2yrs old!

I love you and your kids and if you need to ever vent whatever...you can to me and never feel guilty. 

(BTW..I'm Not trying to compare our kids situations...just the situation of having to adjust to a different arrangement/reality than you had envisioned)

[mimismommy]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 2:00 PM

I have no idea what you must be going through. But just know that I think all your kids are amazing and have grown very attached to Evon and Easton (I haven't spend enough time with Emma yet but hopefully soon!). So, anytime you ever need a break remember I am here and willing to take a couple or three off your hands for a day and night or so!  Besides it is about time Easton got to spend the day with me!! I had fun visiting with you guys and have already started begging Paul to go up to your house again and let Mimi ride the horse and buggy so hopefully we'll see you soon!!

BTW: I am so glad you elaborated on your thought bubble! I needed more information!

[shoppingmammy]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 11:18 PM

Rachel, wanted you to know how very proud I am of you.  You know that God needed Easton here on earth for a reason and he had to think who could be the best mommy for him to raise and He picked You.  You are strong and able but you are human so when you need time for you or need to vent then take that time, then go somewhere and pray for more strength, because we ALL need to do that.  Love  you and will keep you in my prayers.  If there's anything I can do just call.  

[rachelwilliams]

Aug. 8, 2010 at 8:34 AM

Thank you guys, Its been over a year ago and these comment still help me get through... I love you guys!

(Original Poster)