How to give a cat a pill vs a dog

[Charmedmommy82]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

 

1. Pick up cat & cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger & thumb on either side of cat's mouth & gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in R hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth & swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor, & cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in L arm & repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left L arm, holding rear paws tightly w/ L hand. Force jaws open & push pill to back of mouth w/ R forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, & cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor w/ cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front & rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly w/ one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler & rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler, & repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines & vases from hearth & set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel & get spouse to lie on cat w/ head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open w/ pencil & blow down drinking straw.

  

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.  Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm & remove blood from carpet w/ cold water & soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.  Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, & close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open w/ dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat w/ elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage & put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek & check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away & fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire dept to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws w/ garden twine & bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically & pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 
 

14.  Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive U to the E.R., sit quietly while Dr. stitches fingers & forearm, & removes pill remnants from R eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.  Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell & call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air. 

[Krystal.Ingalls]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 1:31 PM

lol!!  I love this!  It's so true!  =D  Thanks for the laugh!

[knepppi]

Jun. 8, 2009 at 1:50 PM

I needed the laugh thank you so much

[cjsjellybean]

Jun. 9, 2009 at 9:16 PM

LOL, that's great!!!