unbelieveable news about my past [kind of long] UPDATED

[dragonbabe]

 This is kinds long but I will try to keep it short.  My youngest Delton  and I went to visit my sister becky yesterday.  Delton and her son logan went swimming which was only maybe a block and a half away so they were having fun.  First time for delton to be responsible of watching someone.  Anywho it gave us a chance to talk about different things and about our life at home and that stuff.

   She has been waiting for like 27 years to ask me this question because she did not want to upset me.  Just a brief synposis.. At 16 I had got pregnant I had no support from family. My mother made my life a living hell at that time.  She bitched 24/7 for the first 3 months. Till her sister suggested adoption. She stopped yelling but the damage was done.  Made me feel ashamed because I was NOT marrying the guy.  He was 22.  Did not go after him for me being underaged.  But anyway at the time my sister was 4 so she really did not understand everything going on.  Well today she finnaly got up the nerve to ask what happened that night basically to clarify for what she was told.  I told he came to take me to dinner never went I guess   I was starved for attention so I agreed with supposedly spending the night with his mom to keep her company.  yea right. but it takes two so I was also curious.  Well what my parents had told her is that I was held a gunpoint and raped and 3 days later they found me like 5 to 6 miles from the house in a car!!!!!!!!!  It was like holy sh*t  That was no where near the truth.

   As for talking about him it doesnot bother me anymore I had my closure.  I have not met him but I found out that by giving him up for adoption was the best thing I could have done for him.  He turned 27 in March.  I do not know what he looks like.  I had never held him.  I figured it was better for me.  It has taken time but I do still think of him and wonder but to actually find him  I can not afford that but I do not want to interfer with his life.  But for the info I had gotten I am actually a grandmother of 2 girls that I might not ever meet.  But I also keep reminding myself that the home I grew in was not fit for a child.  Considering My mother would have taken over or not agree or how I was doing my child.  This is a subject we really do not talk about because there is still hard feelings. very hard.  And its like how much more has she lied about or if they were just trying to save face.

   I think she still tries to get me and my sister against each other.  There are things my sister has said that I do not know about.  But I think Becky and I have came full cirlcle because there for a while we had lost touch from each other and now we call each other at least once a week if we are bored.  We are both doing college online so its like a break for us and I can also help her because I am 2 blocks ahead of her.

If you have gotten this far then I thank you very much for reading it.  I guess I just needed to get it out that it was just unbelievable

UPDATE TO THOSE THAT HAVE REPLIED SO FAR:

  iF WE WOULD CONFRONT HER WITH IT SHE WOULD DENY IT.  iT DOES NOT BUG ME TOO MUCH NOW BUT IT IS A TOPIC WE CAN NOT TALK ABOUT WITH MOTHER.  tHING IS SHE WANTED BOYS.

  iT GETS EVEN BETTER i HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS i COULD SAY BUT i WILL JUST GO WITH 3 MORE THINGS:1.  WHEN i WAS 12 i HAD MY EARS PIERCED.  i PAID FOR IT AND THE ONE HOLE WAS CROOKED.  i HAD HER HELP GET MY EAR RING IN AND IT HURT.  WHEN i WAS DONE i HUGGED HER AND SHE STOOD LIKE A LOG NO HUG IN RETURN.  i THOUGHT FINE i DON'T NEED YOUR HUGS.  wELL NOW sHE WANTS TOO HUG ME WHEN WE DO MANAGE TO SEE EACH OTHER. tHE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT.  i JUST CANNOT MAKE MYSELF HUG HER BACK.  2. i HAD BEEN CALLED A LIAR FROM HER FOR 9 YEARS.  SHE DISHED OUT A WHOLE LOT OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE TO BOTH OF US.  I HAD RAISED BECKY FOR HER FIRST 5 YEARS OF HER LIFE IF NOT MORE AND I WAS 12 WHEN SHE WAS BORN. 3.  SHE HAD COLON CANCER LAST YEAR AND SHE TOLD OF A FRIEND BEFORE SHE TOLD EITHER ONE OF US.  tHE  FRIEND CALLED ME TO CALL HER.  i CALLED HER BACK AND SHE CAME OFF THAT SHE CAN'T TELL ME NOW OKAY.  i TOLD IT WAS NOT OKAY.  SAID SHE HAD PHONE CALLS TO MAKE SHE WOULD CALL ME BACK.  WELL i LET HER HAVE IT AND NOW SHE CALLS ME FOR EVERY LITTLE HEALTH ISSUE AND IT IS TO THE POINT AND I KNOW IT DOES NOT SOUND RIGHT BUT I DO NOT CARE.  SHE DOES NOT MESS WITH ME BUT MY SISTER WILL GIVE HER A PIECE OF HER MIND BUT I AM NOT ABLE TO BUT I KNOW IT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN THAT SHE WILL PUSH ME TOO FAR.  BUT IT IS A DAM SHAME THAT MY OLDEST tONY DOES NOT LIKE HER.  i HATE TO SAY BUT SHE PUSHED ME WHEN CONCERNING MY KIDS THAT SHE WILL NOT BE INVITED FOR THEIR GRADUATION WHEN THAT HAPPENS.  I'LL INVITE MY ONE AUNT AND UNCLE AND BECKY AND HER BOYFRIEND.

i KNOW IT IS NOT RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOUR OWN MOTHER BUT UNLESS YOU HAD LIVED IN THAT KIND OF HOUSEHOLD...I AM JEALOUS OF PEOPLE THAT HAS HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR MOTHER OR FATHER.

I WAS RAISED TO RESPECT MY ELDERS AND THAT COULD BE WHY I CAN'T SPEAK MY MIND BUT I CAN GLADLY SAY MY KIDS HAS LEARNED RESPECT AND THEY HAVE NOT HEARD US FIGHT LIKE I HAD AND I AM HOPING THAT THEY WILL NOT HATE ME LIKE I DO MY OWN.  BUT I DON'T THINK SO.

BECKY KEEPS TELLING ME I AM AN AWLSOME MOM AND MAYBE I AM BUT I HAD LIVED ANDI HAD LEARNED THERE IS NO WAY I AM DOING TO THEM LIKE I WAS DONE.

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS TO BE SO LONG BUT MAYBE IT IS HELPING TO GET IT OUT.I HAVE THOUGHT OF WRITING HER A LETTER MAYBE NOT MAIL IT BUT IT WOULD GET IT ALL OUT FOR ME.

[MSugarKane]

Jun. 13, 2009 at 7:13 AM

That is amazing !  I can't believe your mom told your sister that fabrication!  

I am glad your sister and you are communicating. 

[goatmom4]

Jun. 13, 2009 at 7:35 AM

back then that is maybe what people thought   was the right thing there are more options for counceling and stuff    Glad the journal person who wrote this is ok though takecare

[LadyMagnolia]

Jun. 13, 2009 at 7:37 AM

dragonbabe,

I felt such sadness at the way your Mom treated you. I am sure those words have stung your heart many times & I'm sorry for that (((HUGS))).

I am so thankful that you and your sister have become close again. What horrible lies your Mom fed to your sister. I can only imagine her confusion of the events!

You mentioned that your Mom still tries to stir things up between you and your sister. I believe the reason she does this, is because your Mom does not want y'all close enough to talk about things in the past. Especially realizing that your Mom gave her a horrible story "fictional" of what happened to! She dosen't want to face it.

But the best thing is that you and Becky talked and now she knows The real story.

I pray this will begin a happy chapter in both your lives with lots of healing :).

HUGS~Donna

[klp573]

Jun. 13, 2009 at 12:26 PM

Oh sweetie!  I'm so sorry.  It seems sometimes that some women just weren't cut out to be moms.  Somewhere they miss the whole "nurturing" thing, and life can become unbearable.  I have to say, you've turned out wonderful, and not at all like your mom.  You are very open and honest. 

I'll bet now that your sister realizes this,  you relationship will grow into something beautiful.  I can imagine how this news must have made you feel, and I hope you're able to get past any feelings of resentment, and look toward the future. 

I'm also glad you took the time to vent a bit.  It's actually quite healthy, and tends to free up the soul!